“You have nothing to be sorry for. I do. I should have known it would hurt you. That wasn’t my intent, but intent doesn’t matter. I failed you tonight, and it’s me who’s sorry, okay?”
“I—”
“Shh. Your Sir is speaking,” I chided. “Nothing else is changing between us, but this, what I did tonight, I won’t do that again, okay?” It went against my better judgment, but I also couldn’t hurt him this way. And I hadn’t been fully in the scene with Les either, which wasn’t fair to him. I’d known from the start it felt wrong for me.
“Yes, Sir. But what if you need—”
“I’ll worry about myself. You just be a good boy and keep doing as you’re told.” But it was a good question. There was no end in sight to what we were doing, and I couldn’t be celibate forever.
“Yes, Sir,” Finley replied, burrowing himself into me farther. “I love the way you smell. It makes me feel safe. I know I said that before, but yeah, just wanted you to know.”
“While you’re mine, I’ll always protect you.” I hadn’t done that tonight, and I wouldn’t allow myself to do it again.
“I know. Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Yes,” I replied simply, petting his head until he fell asleep…and maybe long afterward.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Finley
Time passed by in this sort of whirlwind. I was happier than I’d ever been, more fulfilled than I’d ever been, even though there was more I wanted too. Sometimes I felt greedy for not being completely satisfied. Aidan took such good care of me. He was different with me than others—somehow I knew that. Even small things were changing, little things like sitting around the table and playing cards or board games. We’d begun spending time like that together, and honestly, I couldn’t imagine seeing Aidan do those things with others.
He told me daily that I served him well, which was the best kind of compliment. I took my position as his houseboy, his submissive—without any sexual play, of course—very seriously. I loved that Aidan and I were making our relationship fit our needs, even though I was still hoping I got some of those other needs fulfilled soon.
It was the first week of December, and I’d noticed some of the other neighbors begin decorating for the holiday. Mom had tried to make our apartment as festive as possible growing up, and I’d loved it. I missed that.
I couldn’t imagine seeing Aidan’s home decorated. It would feel like a winter wonderland.
I’d just finished my cleaning for the day. Aidan was home, sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop. I walked over and sat in one of the chairs beside him, not sure exactly what I planned to accomplish.
His eyes darted to me a few times, then back to his computer before he asked, “What is it? Something’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering…do you ever like, decorate for the holiday or anything?”
“Christmas?” he asked, his expression pinched.
“No, Easter. Of course Christmas.” He cocked a brow at me, and I said quickly, “Sorry, Sir.”
“I don’t have a tree or anything.”
“Aidan! Oh my God. I can’t believe you don’t have a tree!” I exclaimed. I swear, was he the Grinch or what?
“What did I ever need one for? I live alone.”
That made me feel…heavy. “Just because you live alone doesn’t mean you can’t have a Christmas tree. Can we get one? I can buy it myself. We can get a huge one. You have so much space!” I was feeling slightly giddy at the thought now. I wanted this, so badly, but I could tell by the expression on his face that he didn’t get it. I fluttered my lashes at him playfully. “Please!”
He snickered, but as he did so, he shook his head, then closed his laptop. “Go get dressed, then.”
I shoved to my feet and flung my arms around him. I didn’t think Aidan realized how sweet he was, how caring.
“Dress warm!” he called as I went for the stairs. That surprised me, but I did as he said.
A little while later, we were in his car. “Where are we going?”
“Big Bear. I thought… My mom used to enjoy cutting a fresh tree. I thought we could do that.”
A million questions swam around in my head. I wanted to know about Aidan’s family, but I could sense it was a sore spot for him, and the last thing I wanted to do when he was being so nice was hurt him.
And God, was he the best. He never had a tree, but obviously he had fond memories of them, and now that we were doing it, Aidan went there with all his heart.
“I’ve never cut a fresh tree before.”
He glanced my way. “Then I’m glad we’re doing it.”
“There isn’t snow on the pass or anything?”
Aidan shook his head. “No, it’s colder, but they haven’t gotten any snow yet. You can turn music on if you like, whatever you enjoy.”
“I’d rather talk if that’s okay with you.” It was nice just getting to talk to him.
“It is.”
“What kind of music do you like?” I asked, out of curiosity.
“Hmm… I don’t know. I’m not much of a music person. I like some older jazz and blues.” He was quiet for a moment, then asked, “You?” as if nervous about being interested in me.
“Oh, anything I guess. Mostly pop.”
“Why am I not surprised about that,” he teased.
“Hey! Popular music is good!”
“If you say so.”
“I do, thank you very much.”
“Um-hm. Whatever you say.”
“I can’t believe you’re insulting my musical choices,” I joked, and we went back and forth like that for a while, then chatted about random things like books we read, or funny things Ian and I had done, and how there had never been anything Aidan had wanted to do other than be a doctor. He’d been a bit more subdued when we’d spoken about that, so I knew there was a story behind it.
I noticed him looking at me every now and again, especially in quiet moments, and it was killing me not to know what he was thinking. But he was enjoying himself, and I was too, just having this simple moment of getting to know each other.
“Maybe next year we can decorate the whole house. The outside and everything,” I said without thinking. As soon as the words left my mouth, I scrambled a bit. “I mean…if I’m still living with you, obviously. I know that’s a long time.”
“We’ll see what happens,” Aidan replied, but I had a feeling he was just placating me, that he didn’t think I would be there with him. “Here we are,” he added a moment later as he pulled up next to a cabin with tons of cars parked out front. Behind it was a large Christmas tree farm full of families and couples, all picking out their perfect tree.
This overwhelming happiness took me over, and I was so glad to be sharing this moment with him—with the bighearted man who was changing my world in more ways than he would ever know.
“Come,” Aidan said, getting out of the car.
I followed along behind him as we went into the cabin and found out what we had to do. Aidan signed some forms and got a saw, and we made our way out back.