Did I know the boy wanted me? Or wanted someone? Yes, I did, but I also refused to let him become to me what my mother had been to my father. To take someone young, who had nothing, and to make him feel trapped, to make him feel as if he owed me, until he had little choice but to stay with me. I wanted to care for Finley, yes, but I also wanted him to have options. I wanted him to always know he had a choice in being mine or not.
My mother hadn’t felt she had that choice. My father had been ruthless in beating her down until she felt she was nothing without him. And no matter what ugliness he showed her, she had never shown it to us. She had loved us, my sisters and me, until the three of them died because of my carelessness.
I shook my head, unwilling to let my thoughts go there. I had a job to do, and I damn sure planned to do it. If I couldn’t save them, I needed to save others.
The next few days went by without any major incident. Finley was doing well with school and keeping up with his chores around the house. He did well when given a routine and responsibilities, desiring so very much to do a good job for me. It was one of the most stunning things I had ever seen—his need to please and his passionate submission.
But my desire to dominate someone sexually was plaguing me more and more each day. The months Finley had been in my home were the longest I’d gone without playing with someone in a long time. I was on edge, the tension inside me coiling tighter, sharper, as I denied myself something I very much needed. Something I’d told myself I would continue to do, even with Finley as my houseboy, because our relationship wasn’t going to be about sex.
After work, I met David. “You okay?” he asked.
“Fine, I just…”
“You’re still not fucking that kid, are you?”
I groaned. “Because wording it like that is going to make me want to. Christ, David.”
“You already want to.” He shrugged. “You should do it since it’s what you both want.”
“It’s not always just about what I want. Maybe you live that way, but I don’t.”
David flinched, and I felt a familiar stab of guilt. “I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole.”
“No, you?” he teased.
I chuckled but didn’t truly feel it.
I wanted to get laid. I wanted to fuck. To demand. To dominate. To lead someone into that exquisite space where they lost themselves to my control.
When my meal with David was finished, I sat in my car and sent a text to Finley.
I won’t be home until late tonight. Continue with your normal responsibilities, but I would also like the equipment and mirrors in the gym cleaned and the fridge cleaned out.
I knew he would wonder where I was and would need something extra to take his mind off things. His response came almost immediately.
Sir?
Do as you’re told, Finley.
There was a pause before his reply. Yes, Sir.
I made a phone call after that, to a boy I’d played with before. I asked him if he was busy that night and if he wanted to meet me. He invited me over, and I knew he had a closetful of toys we could play with. “Clean yourself out for me. Unlock the door and be naked and kneeling for me when I arrive.”
“Yes, Sir,” he replied, and hearing the words from Les made my insides twist. It was uncomfortable hearing it from anyone other than Finley, as I hadn’t in so long.
Les was exactly where I told him to be when I arrived at his apartment. Once I had the door closed and locked, I looked at him, at his dark, curly hair and perfect posture. There was no reason I shouldn’t do this. No reason I shouldn’t want it. “Open my pants and get me hard,” I ordered, and Les crawled over to me and did just that.
The house was quiet when I arrived. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, obviously. There were times I worked late or was on call, so Finley wasn’t there to greet me as he would already be asleep, but this was…different.
My night with Les had gone as it should. I was good to him and read him and gave him what he needed. In turn, a part of me found what I sought in the dance of dominance and submission, but I wasn’t sated, and there was a heaviness in my chest, one that was even more potent than what I had felt before.
I locked up and went through the house, which was spotless as Finley was so good at keeping it. I took my shoes off and put them away before plucking a bottle of water from the fridge.
I paused when I got to Finley’s bedroom door. The lights were off as they should be, because it was long past the time I gave him for going to bed. The door wasn’t closed tightly, though; it was opened just a crack, and I found myself slipping inside, going to his bedside, and looking down at him.
He had the blinds open, the moon shining in the room. He lay on his side, curled in a ball, and he was…incredible, as I’d always known he was. His skin looked soft, unblemished and smooth, and his face almost boyish, but with strong, defined cheekbones. And that halo of blond hair…which he so very much loved for me to pet. It was something I loved too.
There was a bottle of lube and a dildo on his nightstand, and I wanted to wake him, wanted to tell him I owned him and his orgasms were mine. That he was not to come unless I said he could. But I hadn’t allowed myself that kind of control over him, had I?
So instead, I turned to leave. I made it two steps before there was a soft, “Aidan?”
I paused, took a deep breath, then turned to him. “Someone is being very naughty right now. You’re not supposed to be awake.”
“I’m sorry. I tried to follow the rules, but I couldn’t sleep. Are you angry with me?”
A long sigh escaped my lips. I set the water on his nightstand and ran my fingers through his hair. “No, precious boy. I’m not mad at you.” If I wasn’t mistaken, I was angry with myself. Tonight had felt…wrong.
“Will you lie with me?” It wasn’t something we had done in bed, except the one time I’d spanked him, but I found myself nodding regardless.
Finley scooted over and lifted the blanket. I climbed in beside him and lay on my back.
“Will you hold me, Sir? Please?” Without me having told him, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Finley knew where I had been tonight, that I had been with someone. The wrongness of it settled in my chest. It wasn’t supposed to feel this way. These were the terms we had agreed upon, but the night was like a heavy weight around my shoulders.
“I will,” I told him, opening my arms for him. He was still on his side and tossed a leg over me, rested his head in the crook of my arm, and buried his face inside my armpit.
We lay there for one moment after another. His cock was hard against my hip, and mine throbbed behind the fly of my jeans. Finley nuzzled in deeper, breathing me in. He took comfort in my scent, which made the Dominant in me roar…want to claim.
And then…then he quietly began to cry, and everything inside me raged against this kind of tears. I was supposed to care for him, protect him, not hurt him, not in this way.
I shushed him and kissed the top of his head, squeezed him tighter against me. “It’s okay. I’m here,” I said softly.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not cheating because we’re not in a relationship, and it’s something you told me you would do from the start, but…”