It seemed as though now he’d started, he couldn’t stop. I waited as Finley continued. “And then I want someone to take care of me too but in different ways. He can hold me and let me kneel at his feet and put his hands in my hair and pet me. When I do the wrong thing, he’ll punish me, but I know he’ll only do it because it’s what’s right for me. And maybe sometimes I’ll want to hurt, and he’ll do that too. I don’t know for sure if I want that yet, but if I do, he’ll give it to me because I need it. I’ll follow his rules because no one has given me those, and I like…need them or whatever. Because I feel that deep inside too. It doesn’t matter that I’m only nineteen. I know—” When I hold my hand up, he stops.
Damned if my hand wasn’t shaking. I lowered it before he could notice. He would be lovely on his knees. Lovely serving. I’d been with a lot of submissives in my life, too many to count, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen one as open, as innocent and pure and honest as Finley.
And Christ, a part of me wanted to be what he needed. I’d never had a full-time sub. I’d never had a houseboy or someone who was into domestic servitude. No one took care of my needs at home. When I wanted it, I found someone to dominate and fuck, and then I went home. But when I was with a boy, I was always one hundred percent in charge, and hearing what he wanted pricked at my desires in ways I couldn’t explain.
One day, someone would own him the way he needed, and I hoped like hell it was the right person. That he didn’t get taken advantage of because that would be so very, very simple to do.
“Did I do something wrong?” Finley asked.
“No, you didn’t. You were very honest, which was what I asked for. That means you were very good, okay?”
His eyes widened, glowed. It was as if I’d given him the answer to all his problems; as if I’d handed him the world. But the world wasn’t mine to give him. He was young, and I didn’t want anyone full-time. I had too much going on in my own world, and I certainly wasn’t going to let this boy have pieces of me I’d never given to anyone else.
“When you’re finished, I’ll take you home.”
His eyes narrowed. He was angry. I could see it. He had a spark to him that interested me. So submissive and so needy to serve, but I knew that he could, and would, be a brat too.
“I’ll do the dishes, and I’ll be ready.” Finley shoved to his feet. I didn’t call him on the behavior because he wasn’t mine. I also didn’t tell him not to clean up because I knew he needed it.
Not long later, my GPS was giving me directions to his apartment. It was…not in the best part of the city. We had been quiet the whole ride, and I knew he was still angry with me. What I didn’t understand was why it mattered to me so much.
Because you want to protect him. Because you don’t want someone to dim that spark in him. Because you want to be the one to ignite it and watch him grow into who he is supposed to be.
The moment I pulled up to the curb, Finley shoved the door open. He was halfway out when I said, “Stop,” and he did. He stopped beautifully, sat back down, and looked at me. “Put your phone number in my cell.” I handed it over to him.
His brows pulled together, but he did as told. I sent a text to him so he’d have my number. “Do you have money for the bus?”
Confusion was still etched in the wrinkles of his scrunched forehead. “Yes.”
This hadn’t been a conscious decision I’d made, but I knew I wouldn’t take it back. “Be at my house at nine a.m. on Sunday. We’ll discuss your wages and responsibilities then.” He opened his mouth but closed it when I held up my hand. “Not now. I need time to think. We’ll discuss it on Sunday, but I promise I’ll take care of you, okay? You’ll work for me.” What was I supposed to do? I knew he needed money. That he now had no job. But I was self-aware enough to know I’d also said it for purely selfish reasons. The truth was, the boy fascinated me.
Finley nodded, all doe-eyed and smiling. “I…thank you, Sir…and please…please don’t change your mind.” He jumped out, slammed the door, and ran away.
What in the hell had I gotten myself into?
CHAPTER FIVE
Finley
I was so jittery, I could hardly contain myself. I felt as if I were going to burst out of my skin, just crack open and spill all the happiness out of me and then be stuck with nothing again. God, I would die, just die, if he changed his mind. I didn’t know exactly what we would be doing, what Dr. Kingsley even wanted, but whatever it was, I knew I would take it because I trusted him. The only people I trusted since my mom died were Ian and Dr. Kingsley. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he would hurt me, but I didn’t have it in me not to try.
“Ian!” I called out to my friend as I busted into our apartment. He scrambled up from where he’d been sitting on the futon and rubbed his eyes. He’d worked late last night, and I hadn’t even thought of that.
“Holy shit, Fin. Thank God you’re home! We talked earlier, but I was still scared I was sitting around while some guy hacked you up.”
I fell down onto the bed with him and giggled—fucking giggled. “As you can see, I’m very much alive, and…it was him.”
“Who?” Ian’s brows tugged together. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever told Ian about Dr. Kingsley—was that what I was supposed to call him? He hadn’t told me. Was he Aidan? When I looked him up, I saw that was his name. Was he Sir? It was all such an exciting cyclone in my brain that I buzzed and struggled to calm down.
We lay there together, and I told Ian about the two times in my past when I’d run into Aidan—yes, I was going to call him Aidan for now because it made me feel closer to him. If I was allowed, I would change it to Sir or whatever else he desired.
From there I told Ian about seeing him at the restaurant. Recognizing him. He’d known I felt sick, and I told Ian about what happened and Aidan taking me home. How he’d let me sleep in a warm bed and given me water and medication and how he’d taken care of me. “It was…fuck, it was amazing. I’ve never had someone dote on me that way.”
“Wow… That’s…wow.”
I rolled over and looked at the peeling ceiling. I knew I was smiling like a fool, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to. “Then this morning I woke up and he wasn’t there. I don’t know where he was—a home office or something?—but I washed his dishes and his clothes, and I, God, I know it sounds ridiculous and maybe to most people it is, but it felt good. Like I was taking care of him and I was needed. It filled this empty place inside me that I’ve never been able to fill before.”
“It doesn’t sound ridiculous.” Ian reached over and fingered my hair. “We all want different things, and that’s never ridiculous. It’s just…who we are.”
“My best friend is the smartest.” I rolled to my side so I faced him. “You haven’t heard the best part. He wants me to come back on Sunday. He said he would take care of me, that I would work for him.”
“What the fuck!” Ian sat up, and I did the same. We had our legs crossed, facing each other. “What does that mean? Like you’re going to be his boy?”