Disappointment darkened her eyes, but she smiled through it. He felt like shit. “Oh. Of course.” She pushed off his desk, smoothing her skirt. “Well, I appreciate you being up-front.”
“I’m … sorry.” Thane winced as she winced. An apology was the wrong move. It was pitying. Fuck. “I mean—”
“It’s fine.” She backed up toward the door. “I need to … I need to get back to work.”
Keelie fled his office as if the hounds of mortification were nipping at her heels.
Thane buried his head in his hands and muttered a string of curse words. Regan was right. He’d used Keelie and hurt her. What an arsehole.
The rest of the day passed painfully slowly. Now he was distracted by his own bad choices. Even Regan noted at dinner he seemed troubled. He waved off her concerns as he pondered what the hell he was doing with his life. With Regan. The chances he was taking with his family with this affair. But when she gave him a sultry look before she left the house for her annex, his addiction to her took over.
And when he let himself into the annex that night to find Regan lying naked on the bed, waiting for him, everything else ceased to exist.
Regan Penhaligon had seduced him past the point of no return.
22
Regan
Except for Thane’s birthday that following Tuesday, our affair fell into a strict routine. That doesn’t sound like it could be hot, but it was so freaking hot, he’d become my obsession.
We went about our lives as we had before, except friendlier and nicer to each other than we had been the past few weeks. This seemed to appease Lewis, and he stopped being so watchful of us all the time.
But at night, when the children were asleep and secure in the house, Thane slipped into my annex for an hour. Sometimes he made love to me like he actually loved me. Those were the dangerous nights. Strangely, for the sake of my heart, I preferred the nights he was bossy, when he moved me about the bed the way he wanted and fucked me until I saw stars. On my knees, riding him, on his knees, on our sides, upside down, twisted like a pretzel, hands tied together above my head. The man knew how to screw every which way. I’d never have guessed he was so wild. It was the best surprise.
And all I kept thinking was what a moron Fran had been. How the hell could she cheat on Thane Adair?
The only exception to our routine was the morning of his birthday. I’d snuck upstairs with breakfast before he could wake. But he didn’t want the scrambled eggs on toast I’d brought him. He wanted me. It was the first time we’d had sex in the house, and having to stay super quiet was strangely erotic for us both.
Afterward, Thane looked guilty as hell, and I knew he worried about Eilidh and Lewis discovering our secret. He was cooler toward me because of it, and once more my feelings were wounded. I ignored the somewhat used sensation crawling across my shoulders as I vowed not to enter his bedroom without invitation again.
I was his dirty little secret.
It never seemed like that when we were together, but sometimes, like when I was standing at the school gates, I felt it. The thirsty moms didn’t pay me attention anymore. They’d long moved on. But I still remembered their gossip. I knew what they’d think of me.
I could tell myself I was a grown woman who could do whatever the hell she wanted with whomever she wanted, but it was hard to remember that on days like this morning. For a moment, I’d totally forgotten where we were. The kids were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, and Thane was behind the island, his ass facing into the kitchen. As I passed him to put my mug in the sink, I’d reached out without thinking and caressed said ass. It wasn’t until he turned sharply to glare at me I even realized what I’d done.
I flicked a guilty look at the kids, relieved they weren’t even paying attention, but Thane glowered at me like I’d just murdered the family pet.
Dirty. Little. Secret.
Whatever he saw flash across my expression softened his with confusion. Heart pounding, I skirted around him, keeping my distance. “I’m just going to put a load of laundry on before the littles get ready.”
I had been in there only a few seconds when I felt him.
Glancing over my shoulder, our eyes locked as Thane leaned against the doorjamb. He looked down the hall before turning and whispering quietly, “I’m sorry. I just …”
“No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I get it.” He crossed the room to still my hands as I sorted the laundry. “I have moments where I’m itching to touch you … but we can’t. Yeah?”
Dirty. Little. Secret.
I blinked hard out of the memory, glaring at the school as I waited to collect Eilidh and Lewis. Will was a few yards away, talking animatedly with another parent, so I didn’t have him to distract me from my dark thoughts.
Two weeks.
It had only been two weeks since Thane and I started our affair.
And I was wondering how long I could hack the emotional roller coaster I was on.
Jared called last week to ask me out, and I made up some excuse about how I wasn’t looking to date while I was in Scotland. He didn’t seem to care. I mean, it took him long enough to call. Instead, he told me to call him if I changed my mind.
Robyn … my sister knew something was up. She kept asking if I was okay and giving me these long, searching looks. Usually, I would just tell her about Thane. But I’d promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t want to break my promise, even though I’d kill for my sister’s sensible and loving advice.
Rather, I had to rely on what I thought she might tell me.
And she’d tell me that if the affair only made me feel good when we were having sex, if it made me feel horrible about myself when we weren’t having sex, then I needed to end it. I needed to be honest with Thane that I was not cut out for zero commitment. Not with him. I thought I could. I thought something was better than nothing.
It had taken less than fourteen days to realize how naive I’d been.
Loving the man who only wanted to screw you … it was like taking five knives in the chest every day.
I had to end it.
The thought made me want to scream in rebellion, but for the sake of my sanity, I knew I had to end it.
The bell rang, snapping me back to the moment.
Focus. When Eilidh and Lewis were around, I didn’t have time to worry about the state of my relationship with Thane. I thanked God every day for them—the best little distractions a girl could hope for. If I was obsessed with their father, I was a goner for them. But that was the kind of love a girl could live with.
Grinning at the sight of Eilidh hurrying down the front steps into the yard, my eyes wandered past her to find Lewis.
So focused on finding her brother in the crowds, I didn’t notice the man approach.
By the time I did, it was too late.
As my attention returned to Eilidh, she’d just stepped through the gates when the stranger swung her into his arms, making her shriek.
What the hell?!
“Hey!” I yelled, panicked, launching myself toward them.
The man’s eyes flew to me, wild and mad behind his round glasses as Eilidh beat his head and screamed, but I swore adrenaline made me fly into super speed. I shrieked at him to let her go, and he backhanded me so hard, I stumbled onto my ass.