Knowing what he alluded to, I shook my head. “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.” I pressed onto tiptoes to kiss him lightly and murmured that I needed to retrieve some things from the annex. Five minutes later, I crept upstairs with a small bag of necessities to find him waiting for me.
“I’m going to turn on the alarm.” He brushed his fingers along my stomach as he passed me to go downstairs. I’d never been more grateful for the security system. As it was, I hated I couldn’t sleep in Thane’s arms tonight. I didn’t want to be alone.
But that wasn’t reality, so I entered the guest room at the end of the hall, the easiest room in the house to clean since all it needed was dusting and vacuuming. After brushing my teeth, I changed into my nightie. I was about to turn the bedcovers back when I heard behind me.
“What are you doing?”
The gruff whisper spun me about. Thane scowled at me from the doorway.
“Going to bed,” I whispered.
The man actually rolled his eyes. “Don’t be daft.” He crossed the room and took my hand in his, leading me out.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer. He just dragged me into his room and closed the door. Technically, that was his answer.
“What about the kids?”
Thane removed his borrowed shirt. “I’ll wake you before they wake up.” I opened my mouth to argue as he unzipped his suit pants and he cut me off. “Regan, I need you with me tonight. Please, don’t argue.”
“I have my period,” I told him regretfully.
Thane scowled over his shoulder as he pulled the duvet back on the bed. “It’s not about sex. I just need you close.”
And like that, I melted into a metaphorical pile of goo. He needed me. Hiding my giddy grin, I got into his bed and almost sighed with relief at how comfortable his mattress was.
“I’ll be back in a second,” he murmured before disappearing into his bathroom.
Despite the utter shittiness of the day, snuggling up against Thane’s pillow, inhaling his scent from the sheets, was a fantasy come to life. I was in his bed. Invited.
And then my eyes hit the photo of him and his wife on the nightstand.
Every day I passed the photos on his gallery wall downstairs. They didn’t bother me. They were of Thane’s entire family. And I couldn’t erase his past with Francine without erasing Eilidh and Lewis, and the very thought made me breathless. Besides, even though I had issues with his dead wife cheating on him, I wouldn’t want to erase her. Not just for the kids but for her. Eilidh and Lewis were hers. She lived on in them. And they needed to be surrounded by her memory. I wouldn’t want to take that from her or them ever.
But the photo on his nightstand was different. It wasn’t about Eilidh and Lewis. That was for him.
Even after her betrayal, he obviously adored her. So much so, all these years later, she still slept beside him at night.
Jealousy was an ugly, ugly emotion. Even uglier when you were jealous of a dead woman.
Ashamed, I turned around, tucking my good cheek under my hand and closing my eyes against the reminder that, despite Thane’s need for me tonight, he would never love me like that.
A tear escaped beneath my closed eyes before I could stop it.
“Hey, hey.” Suddenly the mattress depressed, and I opened my eyes to see the blurry vision of Thane getting into bed with me. “I’m here.” He pulled me into his hard, warm body, kissing my tears. “It’s over.”
Realizing he thought I was crying about today was a relief. So I cried harder, clinging to him, hating the voice in my head that urged me in a nasty voice to enjoy his attention while I could.
“You’re killing me,” he groaned, pressing a kiss to my head. “I should have been there.”
More shame flooded me and I shook my head, swiping at the tears. “No, no, don’t do that to yourself. I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. And I get emotional when I have my period.”
His thumb pressed gently under my chin, forcing me to tilt my head to look at him. “By all accounts, you were bloody magnificent today … and I’m so grateful for that, mo leannan. But you should never have been in that position. Even not knowing about Sean’s loss, I should have known by his behavior that day in the car park to be on alert. Even the slightest hint of danger to Eilidh or Lewis … I should have been more cautious.”
“How?” I argued.
“I don’t know. Asked one of Lachlan’s security to shadow you while I investigated Sean myself. Instead of burying my fucking head in the sand and hoping it would just go away.”
Even as I pressed kisses to his chest to soothe him, something niggled at the back of my mind, pushing forward, making my heart beat fast.
Feeling me tense, Thane asked, “Mo leannan?”
“I have to tell you something.” I pushed into a sitting position, forcing myself to meet his gaze.
He frowned warily. “Okay?”
Taking a shuddering breath, I hated I had to explain to Thane what an impulsive moron I’d been, but he was right. Burying my head in the sand, hoping Austin would go away, was selfish and irresponsible. There had been nothing in months, and Robyn said Autry was monitoring him periodically … but he … Thane should know about his existence. Just in case.
In hushed words so I wouldn’t wake Eilidh and Lewis, I told him about the backpacking trip, the group of friends, the impulsive one-night stand, and the harassment that followed.
One time, maybe four or five weeks into the job as Thane’s nanny, he’d asked me why he never saw me on my phone, on social media. “I thought your generation couldn’t exist without it?” he’d teased. I’d given him a vague bullshit answer. Now I told him the truth.
“I had to delete all of my socials. My email. Block my number. When I was living in California, I was like a ghost.” I smirked unhappily. “But I don’t miss talking to people who don’t really care about me. Or checking my follows or likes. And not just because it keeps him out of my life, but because … I don’t need the validation like I did when I was younger.” I have everything I need when I’m with you.
Thane studied me, his eyes bright with concern as I went on to tell him about dating Maddox the asshole, and Austin’s return and his creepy, stealthy stalking at the coffeehouse.
“But since I’ve been here, nothing. Robyn knows, and her cop friend is keeping tabs on him.” I reached for his hand, squeezing, hoping he’d forgive me. “I didn’t say anything because of everything that happened with Lucy and Lachlan. It isn’t on the same level, and so I thought it was stupid to worry you. But I see it was selfish to keep it from you. You need to know about these things for the children’s sake. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, and I sighed with relief as he pulled me into his arms. “It’s fine, it’s okay. At least you didn’t keep it to yourself—you told Robyn. That’s good, Regan. I’m glad. I’m just sorry you had to go through that.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
Thane made a hoarse sound that was half amusement, half pain. “You protected my daughter like she was your own today, mo leannan. You could steal off into the night with all my money and I couldn’t be angry with you.”