The next message was more dead air, but it brought me no relief. My heart beat erratically, and I was nauseated.
“How are you gonna take care of your brother if you’re in jail?”
“Daddy has a surprise for you.” His voice sing-songed in my ear, turning my stomach.
“You always were a stubborn little bitch when it came to that shit for brains. Call. Me. Back.”
“I see you’ve moved into that fancy apartment. Maybe you did take after your mama. But you must be a lot better than she was.”
I threw the phone down again and raced to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I vomited. My head felt like it split in two with the effort, causing me to get sick again.
When it seemed like it was over, I folded my arms on the toilet seat and rested my forehead on them. Completely and totally exhausted. I didn’t care I was on a toilet.
The accusation . . . it cut so deep I wasn’t sure the wound would ever heal. He shouldn’t have the power to hurt me anymore, but he did.
I hadn’t slept with Lincoln. I’d barely flirted with him. Yet here I was, shacking up in his expensive apartment when I hardly knew him. And I’d been willing to take my clothes off for him. We just hadn’t had another opportunity.
I was my mother’s daughter.
I heaved all over again.
Except I wasn’t with Lincoln because I wanted anything more than him. This opulence and his wealth meant nothing to me. I did want stability, but not in the financial form. I would take care of that. In terms of a steady relationship, he and I could work on that together. As partners.
Did he think I wanted him for his money?
It had to be in the back of his mind anytime someone showed interest in him. If I were him it would be. But he’d been so generous with us. With his time and space.
My mother had sold her body to anyone willing to pay.
I didn’t want to give mine to anyone but Lincoln. And now, they’d tainted that for me. Because if the time came for intimacy, I’d think of my father’s words.
I couldn’t live with Lincoln ever thinking I’d used him.
“Lexie?” His worried face appeared in the lavatory. “Are you sick?”
“I’ll be fine.” My voice was strained and scratchy.
“What do you need?” He sounded panicked, and I hated I’d caused that.
I struggled to my feet. “I’ll just go get some water.”
He held my elbows to steady me. “I’ll do that. Let’s get you back in bed.”
“I need to brush my teeth.”
“Of course. I’ll get you that water now.”
Once I was done, my beautiful rescuer was standing before me, ready to guide me toward the bedroom. But when I saw the bed and my phone, my stomach roiled all over again.
I stopped and squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m not using you,” I whispered before I could think about the words.
“Look at me.” He held my arms.
I didn’t want to open my eyes. Didn’t want to face him or that stupid phone.
“Look at me,” he repeated the longer I stood in the darkness. Finally, I did, and I wanted to close them all over again. “That thought has never once occurred to me.”
My eyes stung with the kindness of his words. I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted to sleep, then wake up and everything be a horrible nightmare. Except being with Lincoln.
“What’s brought this on? Did I say something to indicate I felt that way?” He searched my face, almost in desperation.
I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want him to know the filth from which I’d come, but he deserved the truth. I just hoped he wouldn’t see me differently, despite his proclamation of moments before.
“I listened to my messages. Some of them anyway.” Enough of them.
His features shifted into hard granite. “What did he say to you?”
“That he saw the fancy apartment I’m living in now. And that I’m just like my mother. Maybe better,” I whispered. A wave of nausea rolled through me. My father’s callousness hadn’t lost its potency. Not one ounce.
Lincoln’s jaw tightened. There was anger and then there was this. Something beyond mad that I’d felt before but never seen.
He didn’t say anything. If it were anyone else, I’d be concerned. While he’d become more talkative, I still wouldn’t call him a chatterbox.
And then I let out a choked laugh as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Thank you.”
Some of the anger evaporated into confusion. “For what?”
“Not being a chatterbox.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung to him.
He stroked my hair. “I’m trying, but I really don’t understand, Lexie.”
I inhaled, letting his calming scent infuse me. “You only speak when it’s important. And somehow thinking of you not being a chatterbox made me laugh when I wouldn’t have thought it possible.”
He lifted my chin. “We can walk through fire and come out on the other side laughing.”
My cheeks loosened even more. “If you do this”—I arranged his mouth into a flat line—“that will be your version of laughing.”
He tried to scowl but failed. His jaw was slack, though his hold on me was still tight. “You’re making me a better person.”
A minute ago I’d been devastatingly upset. Lincoln had turned that around without meaning to.
“I don’t want to change you. I’m a grumpy pants a lot too.”
“When you’re hungry,” he defended.
“True.” I patted his back. “I mean it. We can all be better people, but I love you just as you are.”
His eyes drifted shut as though he were taking in those words.
It was clear that Lincoln had kept himself aloof from others. Reserved. Reticent. When was the last time he’d heard someone tell him he was loved? It was then I knew what my newest goal in life would be. To help this strong, resilient man in front of me see how amazing he really was. I had so much love to give him. As did Eric.
As opposed to my mother.
She wasn’t capable of loving anyone but herself.
She treated her children like garbage.
She destroyed others with no regrets.
I wasn’t my mother.
I recognized my fortunes. I was blessed to have a brother who had made life fun even when it was hard. He’d showed me how to keep an open heart and a forgiving spirit. Because of Eric, I was here with Lincoln, as happy as I’d ever been.
And I’d been so close to allowing my parents to rob me of that. For what? To prove to them I wasn’t a user like they were?
I had nothing to atone for when it came to them. They would always be able to hurt me. I accepted that.
But I didn’t have to give them control of how I let it affect me.
“I was going to take us back to my apartment,” I said quietly. “I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I’m only with you for your money.”
He sighed. “People are always going to say that.”
I hadn’t thought beyond my immediate circle. Lincoln was a high-profile individual. Once our relationship became public knowledge, the slings and arrows would fly in my direction.
I frowned.
I was guilty of thinking that about other women too. And it hadn’t been fair. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.