Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lexie
“We can’t have black flowers at a wedding.”
Beau elbowed me at the suggestion. I shrugged. Maybe I should’ve skipped the wedding planning today. My mood was not in the right place for happy occasions.
“What about baby blue?” She pointed to an image in the bridal books I had no idea where she’d come up with. “It’s a foreshadowing of all the baby boys you and Teague are going to have.”
Pepper paled. “I think we have enough four-legged children.”
“I could be a grandma,” Miss Adeline said cheerfully before she frowned. “But that might cramp my social schedule.”
“Your social schedule consists of walking dogs and ogling firemen.”
“Fine. Have some kids. I’ll fit them in.” The old woman shrugged.
Pepper closed her eyes as if praying for patience, but there was a smile teasing her lips.
“Teague will make a great dad.” Beau elbowed me again. “Lincoln will too. Just hope neither of you have girls. They’ll never date.”
“Excuse me.” I pushed back from the table and rushed to the restroom. Once I was safely inside, I leaned over the sink and blew out a long breath.
I couldn’t think about Lincoln as a father because if it happened, he’d be doing it with someone other than me. All the anger that I had toward him was slowly shifting to pain.
I loved him and hated him at the same time.
And I hadn’t exactly fought for him when he’d pushed me away. I completely understood his motivation. I’d been tempted to take that route myself.
Things had been much safer before Lincoln had stormed into our lives. He’d disrupted our routine. He’d forced us to allow another person in. He’d showed us how seamlessly he fit.
And just how quickly he could disappear.
I dreaded going back to the old apartment. Not because it was the size of a shoe box and not as nice as Lincoln’s. I wasn’t even scared someone related to my parents would show up.
It wouldn’t have him.
How could someone so silent have such a profound presence?
It was impossible not to notice when Lincoln was in the room . . . and when he was not.
Who would make fun of my puffy sweatshirt? Or come over for emergency ice cream? And how was I going to tell Eric?
We couldn’t have an arrangement where they still saw one another. I wasn’t sure if Lincoln wanted that, but I wasn’t capable of doing it. There had to be a clean break or I’d never survive.
Because I’d know what I was missing. He’d just be too blind to see what he’d given up.
I hung my head. Who was I kidding? I’d be aware every second of every day what I was missing whether I ever saw him again or not.
I’d just have to focus on our business and—I might have to give up Grey Paws. It was too risky that I’d run into Lincoln.
And Beau.
I wouldn’t make her choose between her brother and me. That wasn’t fair and she meant too much to me.
In one fell swoop, I’d lost the man I loved and our only friends.
Eric and I had survived just the two of us before, and we’d have to do it again. Only when we’d started that path the first time, things could only get better. This time, it was going to be a hard fall.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“Lexie? You’ve been in there a while. Everything okay?” Pepper’s concerned voice came through the door.
I checked my reflection in the mirror. At least I hadn’t cried.
I opened the door. “I’m fine. Just been a long few days.”
She leaned closer. “Can we pretend you’re not? So I can get away from this wedding planning for a minute?”
I widened the opening and she slipped inside. Once the door was closed, she sagged against the back of it.
“I just want to get married in my overalls at the back of Teague’s truck with the dogs and all of you there. I’ll take some wildflowers and cake, but that’s good enough for me.” She put her hands in her pockets.
“Then that’s what you should do.”
“But they’re having fun.” She waved toward where Beau and Miss Adeline sat.
“They wouldn’t be if they knew you were in here all stressed out.”
She sighed. “You’re right.” Pepper’s mouth twisted into a deeper frown. “I’m kinda freaked out about the kids thing. Teague would be a great dad. But I don’t know if I want children. I can’t take that from him if he does.”
I touched her shoulder. “Teague loves you. Tell him everything you just told me. I promise he’ll be glad you did.”
She looked at the engagement ring on her finger. “I was excited. Sure.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how people who have big weddings survive.” She took my hand. “I’m so sorry, Lexie. You’ve been through so much lately and here I am complaining because the people who love me are taking over my wedding.”
I squeezed her hand. “Honestly, it’s been a nice distraction.”
“You were lying when you said you were fine. It might seem kind of messy because Teague and Lincoln are related, but you can talk to me about him . . . or anything.” Her face was so open and kind. She and Miss Adeline had taken such a risk letting their dogs try our food. I couldn’t imagine life without their friendship.
“I’d rather not talk about him,” I said quietly, trying to ignore the stab of pain in my chest.
The door handle rattled.
“All right, we’re coming in.”
Pepper jumped out of the way just as Beau shoved open the door.
“Is this a meeting in the ladies’ room that we weren’t invited to?” Miss Adeline stood behind her with a hand on her hip.
I gave Pepper an encouraging nod. “I want to get married in my overalls. Everyone else can wear whatever they want. And I want cupcakes and pizza afterward. That’s it.”
“You forgot the wildflowers and the truck,” I whispered.
“That too. The end.” She pointed at the three of us. “When any of you get married, I’ll be excited to help you make the biggest plans you want. But I need simple. Or Teague and I may never make it down the aisle.”
“If I have to carry you over my shoulder, we’re making it down the aisle.”
We all jumped at Teague, who was right behind Beau and Miss Adeline. Eric and Lincoln were beside him.
Lincoln’s focus was on me, but I had to look away, unable to stand the intensity of it.
“I know you got a suit today, but I don’t want to wear a dress,” Pepper said quietly.
“I don’t give a damn what you wear as long as you end up my wife.”
Every woman swooned. Pepper covered her mouth with her hand.
What would it be like to have that with someone? For a small moment in time, I thought I’d caught a glimpse. But Lincoln was done with us. He’d made that clear. And now, I’d probably never know the joy Pepper felt.
“See what I have to live with?” Miss Adeline harrumphed.
“We should move in together,” Beau said, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “The single ladies.”