Say it. “I think it’s best if we don’t continue to see each other,” I finally managed. “I feel something inside my chest whenever I’m with you. And it’s telling me we’d better not take things any further.”
He looked deeply into my eyes, then took my hand and placed it over his heart. “Feel that. I think we might be feeling the same thing.”
His heart beat so fast against my hand.
“Wow,” I whispered.
“That’s what’s happening almost any moment I’m with you. For that reason, I fear you might be right about this whole thing…as much as I don’t want to face that.”
I took my hand away and looked down at myself. “I was hoping this red dress would magically transform me into a carefree woman for a night.”
“I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are, Felicity.”
Every additional second made it more difficult to leave, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
“I think I should go home.”
The disappointment on his face was clear. “I’m sorry this night turned awkward.”
“It wasn’t awkward. It was real. I appreciate your honesty so much. And dinner was amazing. Thank Sig for me.”
When I started to walk away, he followed. “This is it, then? We won’t see each other at all? Even just as friends?”
My eyes stung as I turned to face him. “I think it’s easier if we don’t.”
He blinked like he was searching for an answer but couldn’t find one.
We resumed walking in silence to the driveway where my car was parked.
“I have a favor to ask,” he finally said.
“Okay…”
“I want to see you one more time before I leave—even if it’s just for tea. I don’t know offhand when you’re leaving for school?”
“Probably the end of August.”
“That’s around the time we’re leaving, too. We don’t have an exact day. It’s still up in the air. But would that be okay? To see each other once at the end of the summer?”
I didn’t know how that was going to help, yet I didn’t have the heart to say no. “Yeah. That will be okay.” I smiled, looking down at my phone. “I just realized we don’t even have each other’s numbers.”
“Well, who needs numbers when you have a boat to travel across the bay, right?”
“That’s right. I’m just a ten-mile-an-hour boat ride away.” I winked.
“Might be quicker if I swam, yeah?”
The tension in the air felt thicker by the second.
“May I?” He reached for my phone and entered his phone number. When he placed it back in my hand, he folded his fingers over mine. The warmth of that touch resonated throughout my body. I’d never been more terrified of someone kissing me in my life. I didn’t want to know what that was like, if we were parting ways. It would haunt me. Yet I craved it as well.
But alas, instead of moving closer, he let go of my hand, and a coldness seeped in.
After I handed him back his jacket, I rushed to open my car door.
Leo looked morose as he stood and watched me enter.
I turned on the ignition and offered a simple wave. My heart clenched as Leo touched his hand to his mouth and blew me a slow and gentle kiss. There it was. The kiss I was sure he’d wanted to give me but chose not to. I would cherish it, even if it never physically reached my lips. It had reached my heart.
I knew I’d made the right decision, but as I drove away, I felt more and more unsettled and incomplete.
* * *
Leo
Track 7: “Hello Again” by Neil Diamond
“Where’s Little Red Riding Hood?” my cousin asked as I entered the house.
“She’s gone.”
“Gone? Where did she go?”
Feeling bitter, I gritted my teeth. “She went home. It’s done. Your plan to scare her away worked. Are you happy now?”
His eyes widened in shock. “She left because of what I said at dinner?”
“Wasn’t that your intent?” I shouted. “Laying out all of my dirty laundry to scare her away? She asked me to elaborate out there, and it led to a conversation about how feasible it really was for us to keep seeing each other if she’d only end up getting hurt by my leaving. She came to the conclusion that ending it before it started was best.”
“And you don’t think that’s best?”
It likely was for the best. But right or wrong didn’t change how I felt about her. “I was hoping for some time with her before the inevitable. Ultimately, I agreed with her decision. But none of this should have been influenced by anyone other than her and me.”
“Well, I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intent to make her leave.”
Beyond pissed off, I moved past him and made my way up to my room. I knew we’d probably made the right decision not to pursue things, but it didn’t feel right. How could I be so broken up over someone I barely knew? My gut told me I’d just let someone important go.
I couldn’t let this deter me from enjoying the last of my respite here in the States because I needed to return to England with a clear head. Plain and simple, I needed to get over Felicity, whether I liked it or not.
Two weeks passed. Depending on how you looked at it, you could say I’d done a good job distracting myself—or you could say I’d gone insane.
Sigmund had just returned from a trip to the liquor store when he walked into the kitchen to find me practicing my new hobby.
He put the paper bag on the countertop. “What the hell are you doing?”
I pressed pause on the YouTube video. “Painting.”
“I can see that, but why?”
The other night I’d come across some videos of a bloke named Bob Ross. Apparently, his painting tutorials were legendary. But I’d never heard of him. After an hour of watching him paint, I was transfixed by the movements of his brush and his simple instructions. I’d somehow convinced myself that I might be able to paint just as well under his tutelage. He made it look so easy. Yet when I tried to execute the steps myself, it didn’t work out the way I’d imagined.
I stepped back and crossed my arms to get a look at my painting, which featured a number of green blotches that were supposed to be trees. “It’s coming along, don’t you think?”
“For a primary school art project, perhaps, yes. Is this what you do when I’m not home?”
“I’ve actually been practicing for days—just up in my room, not out here. But I needed a change of scenery. So I brought everything into the kitchen. Better lighting.”
He looked over at the video. “Are you going to grow your hair into a giant puffball to match his as well?”
“I might.”
“Whatever floats your boat, cousin. It’s better than you moping around doing nothing at all. Only slightly better, might I add.”
I’d been in a funk since the night Felicity and I decided not to see each other anymore. I hadn’t seemed to be able to enjoy anything other than being alone and practicing my new hobby. I couldn’t even categorize it as enjoyment, really. It was purely distraction. Sigmund had tried to get me to go out with him, but I had neither the interest nor the energy. For the first time in my life, I understood what depression felt like.