The cat—who had only grown fatter after Spencer had gotten home—seemed a bit bedraggled, although he’d been eating enough for ten.
Spencer actually heard himself think that and looked at the cat again.
“Theo?”
“Yeah?”
“We just had sex, and your cat is having kittens.”
“It was great sex, the world is fine, and the cat is not—” Spencer actually heard the pieces click. “Stupid, you slutty little ho-bag, you went out and got knocked up during the apocalyptic flood, didn’t you?”
“That would be about right,” Spencer said. “It’s been about eight weeks, and a cat’s gestation period is fifty-eight to sixty-seven days.”
Theo stared at him. “How would you even—”
“Theo, we live on a ranch surrounded by dogs. Oscar has his Animal Health Technician certification and Preston has a degree in animal husbandry. Believe me. There are things about animals that I know.”
“Belinda wanted a cat, didn’t she?” Theo asked, because he was smart that way.
“She did, and then she got knocked up instead.”
They both looked at Stupid, who was panting uncomfortably, her stomach rippling with a contraction and her uberthick fur sticking up oddly in all the places.
“I’ll go get a towel to put under her,” Theo said.
“You do that. I’m gonna put on some pants.” Spencer stared at the cat as he swung his legs over the bed. “Sweetheart, I know this is probably not your favorite thing right now, but I have to tell you, your timing is impeccable.”
“I heard that!” Theo shouted from the hallway as he rifled through the closet. “You are so not off the hook!”
Spencer rooted around the foot of the bed, found his briefs, and spoke to the cat again. “That’s what he thinks. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Believe me.”
While Spencer was struggling into his briefs, Colonel came in, whining and wagging his tail slowly in anxiety.
“Are you here to midwife?” Spencer asked, with only a little bit of skepticism. That damned dog might not know the difference between Spencer and cocaine, but he did seem to have a doctorate in empathy. Sure enough, Colonel put his front two feet on the bed and leaned over, licking Stupid’s head again and again and again. Stupid didn’t argue—instead she just kept panting, closing her eyes like the big asshole was making her feel better.
Spencer watched them and sighed. “Go ahead, doofus.” Then he called to Theo. “Theo, I think we’re sleeping in your bed tonight.”
“It’s the guest room, Spencer,” Theo said, appearing in the doorway, still naked.
Spencer caught his breath for a moment and took time to appreciate Theodore Wainscott completely naked.
He had the classic hunk body, maybe a little lean because hey, twenty-four was twenty-four, but he had muscular thighs, a bubble butt, wide shoulders, and narrow hips. Like two Doritos, point to point, with a little olive on top for a head.
Except Spencer had been inside that ass, and he’d had that body covering his, and Theo wanted him.
And these facts were… well, indisputable, really.
“What?” Theo asked, gently—oh so gently—lifting Stupid enough to slide some aged towels under her body.
“I am processing a very eventful day,” Spencer said gruffly, feeling choked up for no reason at all. “Get dressed. I’m all thinking about sex now, and that seems inappropriate, considering what Stupid is about to do to my bed.”
“Our bed,” Theo corrected. “And the guest room is going to be our bed too. I know you’re new to relationships, but I think you should learn the lingo.”
“Sure,” Spencer said, inexplicably shy about this as he seemed to be about all things relating to Theo. “Our bed. Our house. Our dog, our cat, our relationship. I understand now. But get dressed. You’re very pretty, naked, and I think you need to be aware of that.”
And suddenly Theo was the one smiling shyly and looking away. “Yeah? I’m pretty?”
Spencer found his jeans and sat down so he could get his feet in. “I can’t even believe I have to tell you this.”
“And yet here we are. Tell me more about how pretty I am. I’ve never been seen naked by the object of my desire. I think I need to hear it.”
Stupid let out a distressed, pitiful meow, and Spencer gave Theo a level look. “You are a very good-looking young man, and I can’t believe I hit that. What are we going to do about the cat literally squirting out kittens in our bed?”
Theo pulled away from Stupid, who was now wrapped in the old towel, and Colonel, who was licking her head like a pro.
“I, uh… well, I guess I should get dressed and maybe call Preston? You think?”
Spencer scrubbed at his face and reached for his shirt, which was right under Colonel’s paw. Colonel whined as he tried to pull it away, though, so he hopped to his drawer and grabbed a T-shirt from there.
“I’ll remember this, traitor,” he mumbled. “And yeah, Theo, I think Preston might help.” He reached for the comforter and very carefully straightened it over the bed, which was a wee bit… messy, after what they’d been doing before the kitty emergency. “But maybe we should, I dunno, Febreze the place first?”
Theo grimaced. “Yeah. You’re right.” Then he grinned. “Heh heh heh… the day keeps piling up the new experiences. My ass feels great by the way. All tingly! You should be proud!” And with that, he practically bounded away, leaving Spencer in awe.
“Jesus, and people complain about my mouth! Tingly? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I heard that!” Theo called, and Spencer looked at the animals, who seemed to be very much engaged.
“You two,” he muttered. “You do realize that this living situation was your choice, both of you? Stupid, you could have had a nice little old lady, but you had to take off and get laid. Colonel, you adopted me at first sight. This here?” He made a little circling motion with his finger. “This is not my fault. So if that kid wants us all to be family, you need to be nice to him. Cat? That means no kitten tragedies in the foreseeable future. Dog? That means don’t eat the kittens. That’s a real thing.”
They ignored him, and he hobbled into the living room while Theo buzzed past him with the air freshener, and Spencer collapsed on the recliner with a sigh, because it really had been quite a day.
He pulled out his phone and hit the number. “Preston?”
“You are supposed to be resting,” Preston growled.
“I was, but then a cat jumped onto my bed and started giving birth.”
“That’s unusual,” Preston declared. “I’ll be right over.” And then he clicked the phone off, and Spencer was left on the recliner while Theo aired out the room.
PRESTON arrived shortly, with Belinda and Caden on his heels, and everybody but Spencer went into the room to watch poor Stupid pant and be uncomfortable. They came back in and Preston announced that there were two kittens born already, and that Stupid was cleaning them and not eating them, and then he and Theo went back into the room to watch and make sure that didn’t happen. Since Spencer had never known that could be a problem, he was suitably horrified.