“If you’re asking if I think the keto quiches I made put half our house in the ER, my answer is no. I ate a slice, and I’m fine. So are all the other girls who didn’t have mimosas. But I found out something else. I was going to wait to tell you. I know you needed to go home and see your family because of the settlement thing.”
“Hold on. How’d you know about that?”
“Crap. I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”
“Riverrr…” I snarl.
“Ugh. Fine! Kyle called and gave me a heads-up. That’s why I haven’t been trampolining your ass over this other stuff.”
“He called you?” I feel betrayed.
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” What happened to honesty in our friendship vow? I revoke your rights to my crunchy treats. “What the hell, Riv?”
“I’m sorry.” She whooshes out a breath. “He said if I cared about you, I’d give you space.”
“He doesn’t—he fucking—he doesn’t know what I—what my—” I pull myself back from the rant cliff and take a sobering breath. “Kyle means well,” I say with forced calm, “but he’s incapable of understanding other human beings, let alone me. Don’t ever do that again.”
“Wow. Sorry for giving a shit about you.”
“There’s a difference between giving a shit and treating me like a helpless child. I’m not your kid, River. I’m not your little brother. I’m your friend. And I don’t need your protection. If anything, it’s the other way around. The last week is proof of that.”
Silence.
I fully expect her to chew me out. Maybe I deserve it, but today seems all about lines being drawn in the sand.
“Um,” she clears her throat, “for the record, I don’t need your protection. I’m a full-grown woman. That said, I am a big enough person to admit that people need people, and I did need you this week. Because other people—bigger, stronger, and extremely violent—wanted to harm me. Also,” deep inhale, “there’s no denying you’re in a better position to defend me against unforeseen physical threats.”
“Thank you.”
“But! That doesn’t mean I’m helpless or can’t take care of myself.”
“Obviously. You’ve survived this long without me,” I concede.
“Wrong. I haven’t. And some days I wonder if this relationship is healthy because I’m just as dependent on you as you are on me.”
“An honor,” I say, being serious.
“Yes, Huff. It is. And I don’t care if you’re all hot and muscly and tan all of a sudden or I keep dreaming about you in the shower. You earned your spot in my life and don’t ever take that trust for granted.”
“Never have. Never would. What was that part about the shower?”
“Stop it,” she barks.
“Stop what? What were we doing in the shower?” I chuckle.
“Huff, I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”
I can’t help smiling. “Me too. Were we naked?” I tease. “Did you shampoo me, or did I do you?”
“You’re being all cocky—that’s not my Huff.”
“You want me to be insecure and weak again for you?” Never going to happen.
“Nooo,” she says. “I like the changes in you. I just miss predictable Huff sometimes. That’s all.”
“If you want predictability, here’s what you can expect from me going forward: I can be me. You can be you. And I won’t ever tell you to stop because it’s why I’m in love with you.” I flinch and clench my eyes shut. Only for a short second. I’m still driving. I can’t believe I said that! But now that it came out of my mouth, I know I said it because I mean it.
“Don’t say that, Huff,” she says with melancholy.
“Why? Because it’s true? Because I’ve known since the second grade that there would never be another girl for me?” I groan with frustration. “Fuck, River. I’ve loved you since we sat together and you passed me half your graham cracker at snack time. Me and you. The Hudson River. It’s dirty. It’s big. It’s a landmark that’s hard to miss, and it describes exactly how I feel about you.”
Silence. Deafening silence.
Suddenly, she says, “Did you really just call me dirty?”
“I called us dirty.”
“And big,” she adds.
“And I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if you want to stay just friends and I have to walk you down the aisle at your wedding as your man of honor because you’ve fallen for the wrong guy who isn’t me, or you decide you want to become a nun and take a vow of celibacy, or you tell me you’ve discovered you love women because your sorority is, in my opinion, way too fucking into each other. I don’t care. I’ll be by your side until you take your last breath, no matter what you choose.
“But make no mistake, I’m hoping that your last breath is used to tell me how much you’ve loved our life together. And our six kids. And ten dogs. I love dogs. Also, turtles. Shells are useful. But you already know my position on that.”
A long, static-filled silence is broken by soft sobs on the other end of the phone. Those turn to blubbers and hiccups.
I’m wondering if I’ve pushed for too much, too soon. Maybe she needs more time to warm up to the idea of us being a real possibility. I know I do, but after this last week, I can’t deny things changed for me. It all started when I realized I’d give my life for her. Now I see my feelings were there all along. I simply didn’t believe I could ever deserve her. She’s pretty fucking awesome.
“Fuck you!” she belts, jarring me in my driver’s seat. “Fuck you, Huff! You stupid sonofabitch!”
I force myself to keep my eyes on the road. “Ehhh…what?”
“Why now? Huh? Why are you saying all this now?”
“Because it needed saying. Before it’s too late.” God forbid she becomes a nun. Oh stop. You know what I mean.
“Dammit! Huff,” she barks, “no more perfect answers.”
“Or what?” I ask.
“Or-or—”
“How about telling me what you want.” Not a question. It’s a demand. I’m tired of walking through life on eggshells. I’m done with that. “I know what I want. Do you?”
“I want—I—I need to say things, too, but I never imagined doing it like this.”
“Like how?” Because I don’t see why it matters. I’ve made myself clear. I want her. Does she want me back? Speak, woman! Speak!
“There’s all this bad, bad stuff happening, and now there’s this stupid hurricane and—”
“Hurricane?” And she’s only just telling me this? “Stay put. I’m on my way.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“Huff, you can’t go.” Mom’s nails dig into my arm like a python’s fangs. Total death grip. “No one’s even had time to evacuate. Their governor issued a shelter-in-place order thirty minutes ago!”