“Mom, I have to be with River.” I jerk my arm free.
“Their airport is shut down, Huff,” Dad states, like he’s won another argument today.
“I don’t need a plane,” I say—and instantly regret it. The expressions on my parents’ faces say they think I’m nuts.
Maybe I am. Fuck it. I most definitely am.
“You-you think you can fly?” Dad mutters. “You know that’s impossible.”
Surprise. I’ve already thought that a million times. I convinced myself that miracles don’t happen, that no one was listening to my pleas for a better life. I’ve looked over that cliff into the abyss, and you know what? Something bigger than me was staring back. So I can either live in denial, or I can accept that not everything in life makes sense. And, yes, that I have abilities I can’t explain.
I look at Mom and then Dad. “I don’t need explanations anymore. I don’t need to know why beautiful people like Joy die, or why idiots like me live. All I need to know is that I’m here for a reason. And this,” I sweep my arms over my body, “is real. This really happened to me. So I might be completely out of my fucking head—”
“Language, Huff!” Mom barks.
“Sorry,” I say. “I might be completely out of my head for thinking I’m going to zip off to River, but what do I have to lose?”
They stare with blank faces. They don’t believe me, and I can’t blame them.
“I’m going outside.” I figure if this is going to work, maybe it’s better not to have any walls in the way. The three times I’ve done this, I was outside.
I exit the front door and stride confidently down a walkway I’ve taken thousands of times, to a cracked concrete driveway I know like the back of my hand. But this doesn’t feel like my home anymore.
Home is more to me than the faded blue paint and the towering willow that makes mowing our crabgrass a pain in the ass. Home is the past—the good memories mixed with the hard stuff. Home is the future—where I see myself becoming a man I can be proud of.
That place is with River.
I close my eyes and imagine myself by her side, holding her hand. I see the rain pelting her window and the water rising outside.
I’m there with River.
“Huff, is that you?” In my mind, River looks right at me.
I open my mouth to speak, but my eyes open, too. I’m still in my parents’ driveway.
I cover my face and whoosh out a breath. I know what I saw. I was in her room. But I wasn’t. It’s hard to explain, but I felt my body here. My mind was there.
“I can get to her. I can do this,” I mutter to myself.
“Hudson,” Mom comes outside pleading, “let us get you help. I know we haven’t been there, but that’s all going to change.”
I look her square in the eyes. “So you think I’m crazy. You don’t actually see me changed.”
She stares at the concrete.
I’m half expecting her to say no, that they’ve all been stoking the coals of my delusions. But she doesn’t.
“Huff, honey, whatever’s happened to you is a miracle. And I’m not talking about your body. Everything about you’s changed in a week. I think we all need time to understand. It could be affecting your mind—making you see things. Maybe…” She sighs. “All this stuff with Joy has been too hard on you.” She shakes her head.
She’s struggling just like I was. She sees the impossible right in front of her, but her mind keeps telling her it’s not real. It can’t be.
My heart floods with more emotion than I know what to do with. I suddenly feel like Joy is with me right now, telling me it’ll all be okay. Just let go of the worry. Let go of the past. Just believe, Huff, she used to always tell me. Believe your life can change and it will. Joy always wanted something better for me. I think I found it. Unfortunately, she’s three hours away by plane in the middle of a storm.
“I promise you, I’m okay,” I say to Mom. “But River’s not, and I can’t sit here doing nothing. You know why.”
“I don’t. Why risk your life?” Dad says, walking out of the house, overhearing everything, I guess.
“Because…I’m in love. And I can’t live without her.”
Before I can say one more word, I’m there.
River
“Huff?” Dear God. He’s really here. In my room. This is insane! My life makes zero sense anymore. One minute I’m on my bed, alone in my room, and the next Huff is standing in front of me.
Look. I know I’ve been quiet, and you’re all wondering why I’m finally deciding to tell my side of things.
Why now?
I guess I wasn’t ready to let the thoughts out of my head. Once you do, things become real.
My feelings for Huff have always been platonic, and I admit I never saw him as boyfriend material until recently. But the night he offered up his life to save me, things changed. There was this moment when I thought he was dead and realized his absence would obliterate my heart. Unbearable. After that, I saw him differently. My feelings became more intense. Didn’t hurt that his outsides finally matched his insides.
I know what you’re thinking. How shallow of me, right? All of a sudden, he undergoes this massive transformation into the hottest guy on the planet, and now I’m magically into him.
That’s not exactly the entire story. I mean, yes, as weird as everything’s been, his transformation helped me see him in a new light. But for the record, I’ve always thought he was cute—intense blue eyes that tell you exactly what he’s feeling, a mouth that’s got this kissable perma-pucker to it, and a sense of humor that never fails to lift my spirits.
But it’s his big heart that’s always attracted me to him. He’s one of those guys who loves so deeply, almost like his heart is just so big he doesn’t know how to handle it. Like a kid with a Ferrari. Huff’s heart drives everything about him—his loyalty to his family, to me, and in his own way, to the world we live in. I see the pain in his eyes. His heart has never allowed him to accept that there are people in this world who just don’t have one.
In my opinion, that’s why those people were always so attracted to him. Not in a romantic way, but the way a flower brings in the bees. No. Wrong analogy. The people who once went out of their way to mess with Huff aren’t bees. Zombies looking for fresh brains? No, that’s not right either.
What I’m trying to say is that there are empty souls in this world, and they’re always jealous of people like Huff. But there he was, walking around all the time, wondering what was wrong with him. I told him over and over again that he wasn’t the one who was broken. It was them. And until he understood that, things weren’t going to change.
That’s why I never saw him as more than a friend. Not because I didn’t think he was good looking—because he always has been—or that I didn’t love him. Huff wasn’t ready for a serious relationship with anyone. He needed time to grow up and find himself. To become a man he could be proud of.
I just never expected it to happen like this.
I mean, I’ve seen some weird stuff in my life—like the time my friend Sara didn’t have money for tickets to see The Killers and told me she was going to win some on the radio in one of those giveaways. She dialed up and won. Just like that. But this thing that happened to Huff is not that. Or is it?