“Just say it. Whatever you’re thinking, spit it out and don’t worry about niceties.”
“We hadn’t even had sex.”
It was time to put that topic to rest once and for all.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t fuck him, Ren, because since the day I walked into Triple Canopy and saw you sitting behind your desk you belonged to me, and the thought of that asshole touching you in any way sends me over the edge.”
“Right. But you didn’t belong to me.”
The insinuation I’d fucked other women was there behind the veiled remark. Yeah, it was time to clear that up, too.
“Haven’t fucked a woman since I moved to Georgia.”
“Say what? That was like over a year ago.”
Trust me, honey, my dick knows exactly how long it’d been.
“I’m not gonna lie and tell you I haven’t hooked up, because I have. But as hard as I tried to fuck someone else, anyone else, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’m so fucked-up inside, Ren. I wanted to protect you from the darkness. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I couldn’t stop dreaming about you. I couldn’t stop myself from needing you. And that’s dangerous for both of us.”
“Why is that dangerous?”
“Because I’m fucked-up, Lauren. So fucked-up I’m never gonna change, I’m never gonna get married, have kids, live in some fake domestic bubble. I don’t have that in me; it was beaten out of me.”
“Beaten out of you?”
We were not going there.
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I did and I’m wondering why we’re having this conversation.”
It was Luke’s fault for making me question our arrangement, and guilt had started to worm its way in. I wouldn’t be another asshole who broke Lauren’s heart.
“Because I want to make sure you understand, I’m never gonna love you, baby. The only thing I can promise you is I will never fuck you over.”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than acid coated my throat and bile swirled in my gut. Wrong. So fucking wrong I wanted to tell her to forget I’d said them. But I had, and when she flinched my heart hurt like a motherfucker.
“I’m not hard of hearing, Logan. Nor am I stupid. And I’ll take this opportunity to remind you, Friday night I went into this with my eyes wide open. We’re obviously attracted to each other, we’ve ignored it, and it didn’t go away. So we fucked.” Lauren pointed at me and went on, “I told you to leave Saturday. You stayed. I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t ask you to come over last night. I know the only thing I’m going to get out of you is great sex. So, again, why are we having this conversation when you’re the one who needs the reminder I’m nothing to you but a warm body with a vagina?”
So we fucked.
Christ, I wanted to bleach my memory of ever hearing Lauren say those three words.
Before I could think better of it, I pulled her into my arms and my mouth was on hers. As if I could expunge what she’d said with the stroke of my tongue. As if I could swallow those words and take them from her so she’d never think them again. The longer we kissed the deeper it became until she was moaning into my mouth and my dick was begging for relief.
Without thinking, I had her skirt around her waist, her ass on the edge of my desk, and my erection free. I pulled her panties to the side, rubbed the head of my dick around her clit, then down through her excitement. When her hips bucked and she groaned I drove in. And like all the times before, Lauren went wild. She pawed my back, my shoulders, yanked my hair, and wrapped her legs around my hips.
Lauren was like dynamite—once the fuse was lit the explosion was imminent and catastrophic. She was so hot, so sleek, so goddamn wet it took her no time at all to get me to the edge. Her pussy felt so good, it was too good. I couldn’t hold back with her. I couldn’t stop the tidal wave of sensations. I couldn’t stop the euphoria. But the part that scared the holy fuck out of me was I couldn’t stop the emotions. I was all too aware I could never just fuck Lauren. It could not and would never be a detached act of mutual pleasure.
Her hips bucked, her pussy spasmed, and I went at her harder, getting her where I needed her—swallowing her mews and whimpers. In return, she muffled my grunts and growls. Finally, her back arched and her inner muscles clamped around my dick so I let go and came with her.
I released her lips and Lauren dropped her forehead to my chest with a muttered curse.
“Look at me, baby.”
“That can’t ever happen again.”
Oh, it was going to happen again. I was just smart enough to pick my battles and not argue about it.
“Ren, baby, I need you to look at me.”
Slowly her head came off my chest and she tipped her eyes up to meet mine. She had her shields up and the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me. Lauren looked to be completely unaffected and there I was wanting to lay it out. All of it. Everything. But first, something needed to be addressed.
“You’re not a warm body with a vagina. And serious as fuck, I hear you ever say that shit again I’m gonna be pissed the fuck off.”
The corner of her mouth twitched and her lips pinched together.
“I’m not being funny,” I told her.
“You were wrong.”
“About?”
“Unless your balls retracted and your dick shriveled, you can indeed say the word vagina.”
Seeing as my dick was still rock hard, I pulled out and drove in hard, prompting a sweet-sounding groan.
“I don’t know, Lauren, what do you say, did my dick shrivel?”
She shook her head and concluded, “Seems to be in working order.”
The thing about Lauren was, as soon as we were done I was ready to go again. I couldn’t get enough, which led me to wonder why I’d denied us for so long. And when she smiled, I had the sick feeling she’d be right; I was the one who needed the reminder that I couldn’t keep her. But the harder she pushed me away the more I wanted to pull her closer. And when she talked about love being for fools, even though I’d said the same thing thousands of times, I wanted to show her how good love could be.
“We’re at work,” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“This is wrong.”
In so many ways being with Lauren was wrong. Being with me would put her in danger.
“Sometimes wrong is the path to right.”
“You’re the most confusing man I’ve ever met.”
And she was the most mystifying woman I’d ever met. But I didn’t tell her that.
Remembering we were at work and I had a motherfucking asshole to track down and set straight, I pulled out. As soon as I did my gaze automatically went between Lauren’s legs. I was beginning to think there was something seriously fucking wrong with me when my pulse quickened and I reached out to swirl my finger in our combined release. I didn’t do this in an effort to clean it from her but to push it back in.
When Lauren tilted her pelvis to chase my retreating fingers, all thoughts of work flew out the window.
I pressed and rolled my thumb around her clit and kept working my fingers as I leaned close and whispered, “You’re gonna have to be fast, Ren. Fast and quiet. You think you can do that, baby?”