“Lauren’s seeing to that, Logan. And by the looks of it, she doesn’t need my help. But if the occasion were to arise, and she needed me, she’d have me. I was asking when you were going to start building your family.”
Lauren’s seeing to that.
Actually, Lauren wasn’t seeing to anything, she’d already seen to it. She’d performed the miracle of pulling my head out of my ass. I wouldn’t be calmly having this conversation if she hadn’t. I wouldn’t’ve told Ian to ask my mother to marry him if she hadn’t healed what had been terrorizing me since childhood.
“Soon,” I answered. “It’s been a crazy few weeks. I figured I’d let her settle for another week or two then ask her to marry me.”
“Good. Your mom and sisters love her. Lucy’s talking about her and Dotty coming out to meet her soon.”
“And you? Do you like her?”
I couldn’t believe I asked but what’s more, I couldn’t believe I actually cared about Ian’s answer.
“I adore her. She’s smart and funny and her kindness shines through. There are a lot of things to like about her but mostly I love the way you look when she’s near. Do you know how you know when the woman sitting next to you is the woman you belong to?” I shook my head and he continued, “Peace.”
Before Lauren, I hadn’t felt much of anything except anger. Now that I had her she certainly gave me peace. She made me a better man. She motivated me to let go of my past so I could give her what she deserved.
“Has my mom ever told you about Huron Beach?”
“No.”
“Every year after Dave died she’d take us there for vacation. It was the only time in my childhood when I saw the burdens lift. There she was free. She was happy and smiling. I don’t know if it was just because we were out of Bad Axe where everyone knew who she was, who we were, or if that beach meant something more to her. But she loves it there. She loves lakes, ponds, the ocean, anywhere near a body of water. Take her there and ask her, take her anywhere near the water, but please do not ask her in that Godforsaken town. The memory of your engagement shouldn’t be tarnished by the past.”
“Is that what you think, that you’re tarnished by your past?”
“Dented, cracked, stained, and tarnished.”
“Adversity paradox,” Ian mumbled. “It’s all about how you leverage the past. You are who you are because of what you went through and no one can argue your past shaped you into a good man. Your mother is the strongest woman I know and she became who she is today because of her past. Your sisters are smart, watchful, wise, successful, and they are those things because of the adversity they faced. The paradox. You think of it as tarnished. I see it as a family who triumphed, who overcame, who stuck together and came out the victors. Your family won, Logan. All you need to do is embrace it.”
I didn’t have a chance to digest Ian’s statement before there was a knock at my office door.
“Come in!”
“Sorry to interrupt but we have to get going.”
I took in my mom’s tentative, cautious smile and that shitty feeling was back.
“It’s all good, Mom,” I told her as I moved toward her.
Just like all the times before, my mom didn’t make me wait. She wrapped her arms around me and held on tight. Not ever had she withheld her affection, never had she failed to cuddle me or my sisters.
How difficult had my mom’s life been with Dave? How much had she hidden? How much more pain had she endured that we didn’t see or hear? She might not have been able to shield us from much but she always showed us how much she loved us. She was a good mom.
“I love you, Mom,” I whispered to the top of her head.
“I love you, too, son.”
“I’m happy for you.” My mom went stiff in my arms and I hated that I’d made the beginning of this trip so difficult for her. I hated that she worried about how I would treat Ian. But more, I hated that I’d given her reason. “I’m happy you found Ian—for all of us.”
I heard my mom’s breath catch and I felt her body hitch with a sob.
“Do you think he’s ready for us?”
Her head nodded against my chest.
“Good. We’ve been waiting a long time for him, Mom. It’s time for all of us to be happy.”
She nodded again and asked, “And you? Are you ready to be happy?”
I didn’t need to think about my response. “Yep. Gonna make it official in a few weeks. I tried to talk her into giving you sixteen grandkids, she negotiated me down to three. So Lucy, Jill, and Jackie are gonna have to pitch in and fill your house full of babies.”
I didn’t hear it, my mom’s body didn’t move, but I felt it. Her relief and joy penetrated straight through me.
“I can live with three,” she mumbled. “But I bet you could talk her into four.”
I smiled.
I could do four, or I could do three, or even one. As long as they were Lauren’s I could do the sixteen I teased her about. The truth was, as long as Lauren loved me, I could do any-fucking-thing.
My family left for the airport right before my first class was due to start. I checked my phone as I was walking out to the range. No calls or texts from Lauren but I did have one from Jill.
Jill: What’d you say to Ian?
I quickly tapped out my reply: I’ve said a lot of things to Ian. You have to be more specific.
A few seconds later my sister replied.
Jill: Every day since I’ve been gone he’s texted asking if I was alright.
Me: So?
Jill: I already have to check in with you, Mom, Jackie, and Lucy.
Me: So?
Jill: Ug. Overprotective ape.
Me: Yep. Love you, sis.
She texted me back a middle finger emoji with three hearts after it.
Maybe having another man around would work in my favor after all.
It was nearing on three and I hadn’t heard from Lauren. I still couldn’t shake the shitty feeling I’d woken up to. As the day had worn on I’d tried to tell myself it was because my family was going back to Bad Axe. Not only would I miss them but I despised the thought of them living there. I rarely went there and when I did it was for a day, two at most. That left them to come to me. When I was in the Navy those visits sometimes came every few years depending on what my team was doing. I hadn’t spent any real time with them since I’d moved away. Having my mom close for more than two weeks reminded me how much I missed her.
I was done with my classes for the day and was planning on taking the rest of the work I had to do home with me when Nick walked into my office.
“Robinson’s in custody.”
Fucking finally.
“Moore?”
“MIA. Jason wants us in the conference room.”
So much for going home.
I grabbed my cell and followed Nick to the conference room.
26
Dylan Welsh stared at pictures he’d printed from Finn Stevens’ sportfishing website. Then his gaze went back to the abandoned Myspace page of May Lucas, Guy’s sister who was now married but at one time had been hot and heavy with none other than Frank Lester the pimp. May’s husband Gary wasn’t a pimp but he wasn’t a saint. His sheet included armed robbery, grand theft auto, and the most recent charge of possession.