“Oh, you’re family now Tess, we take care of our own,” Roxy says. She gives Tessa one last warm smile before she heads off through the crowd.
Unable to help myself any longer, I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. “Wanna head out and grab some food before heading home?” I ask, resting my chin on her shoulder. She leans her head against mine and I can feel her smile.
“More food? Are you serious? Have you seen the spread in the kitchen right now? Between Kiki and Roxy, I’m almost worried they are trying to fatten me up. Also, have you seen how much Kiki can put away?! I’m freakin’ impressed that girl is so tiny after all that! I’m pretty sure she’s a mutant. I would give my left titty to have that woman’s body!” Tessa gushes. She blushes a deep red when Kiki sidles up to the bar and gives her a knowing smile.
“Want my body huh? Don’t usually swing that way but if Sawyer is up for it, I bet we could figure something out,” Kiki purrs, taking her time looking Tessa up and down with an appreciative hum. Tessa startles and stiffens, pressing further back against me, trying to escape Kiki’s gaze. She turns back to look at me, the utterly terrified look on her face sets me rolling. I throw my head back and laugh, a full body, shoulder shaking belly laugh. Tessa snaps her gaze back to Kiki, starting to catch on that she’s missing something, and Kiki doubles over laughing.
Tessa huffs in frustration and looks between me and Kiki for a moment before slapping her hands on the bar and shoving off her stool. The frustration radiating from her only makes me laugh that much harder. She lets out a growl and tries to push past me, but I snag her around the waist and lift her off her feet, pulling her back against me. She lets out an indignant screech as I hold her against my chest.
“Sawyer. Put me down,” she pleads, her voice a desperate whisper. She’s gone completely rigid in my arms, her fingers digging into my forearms. I drop her quickly, stepping back in confusion at the sudden change in her. Tessa’s shoulders shake as she takes a shuddering breath, her head is bowed, and she’s curled into herself as if she’s trying to make herself invisible. She turns toward me, avoiding my eyes. “Excuse me. I’ll be back,” she mumbles before turning and dashing to the bathrooms off the common room.
Stunned, I look at Kiki in confusion and she gives me a look like she can’t believe how dumb I am. She rolls her eyes and throws her bar towel at me in disgust before storming out from behind the bar and toward the bathrooms after Tess.
What the fuck just happened?
Chapter 15
Tessa
Well, this could literally not go any worse. Here I am at the compound with Sawyer, his Brothers, some of their women, and The Fallen… and I’m the psycho locked in the bathroom fighting off a panic attack.
Awesome first impression. I’m sure they totally want you to come back.
My inner monologue can be kind of a bitch sometimes.
I pace over to the sink and brace my hands on the sides, letting my head hang forward and try to calm my racing heart. Digging my nails into the porcelain, I grit my teeth against the burn of tears behind my eyes. I refuse to let myself cry. I will not be that woman, the woman who is broken by her past and can’t move on because some innocuous little comment sets her off at the most random times. That will not be my life.
The hinges on the door creak behind me and I straighten, wiping at my eyes attempting to look as composed as possible in my current state. Looking up, I see Kiki slip into the room and lock the door behind her. She turns and meets my gaze in the mirror and there is an understanding, almost sympathetic, look on her face. I’m relieved that I don’t see an ounce of pity in her eyes at least. I don’t want anyone’s pity. I don’t need it.
Kiki leans back against the door and just looks at me passively, waiting for me to make the first move. I open my mouth to say I’m sorry, but she cuts me off with a hard look.
“Don’t you dare say sorry,” she says, her eyes fierce.
“I…” I stammer, dropping my gaze back to the sink.
“You are better than sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m not asking for your story; that’s yours to tell if you want to. I know that look. The one you gave when he surprised you like that. YOU have nothing to be sorry for. Whoever in your past put that look on your face, put you through whatever made you that scared… they’re the asshole who should be sorry,” she says, still leaning against the door but her tone brooks no argument.
“How did you…”
She cuts me off again, “let me just give you one piece of advice. Trust him. Trust them, all of them. They may be a group of nasty motherfuckers some days, but every one of them would lay down their life for me, or any of the other women without a second thought if needed. I won’t tell you to tell him everything, that’s something only you can decide. I can tell you that you can trust him with anything. That man is yours if you want him. He’ll fuck up, they all do, but he will be an Orpheus to your Euridice.”
“Love the man, love the Club,” I whisper, looking up to meet her gaze in the mirror again. A soft smile breaks across her sharp features.
“Damn right,” she says, a surprising amount of affection in her tone.
“Kiki, do you… how do you… why…” I stumble over my words, not sure how to ask what’s on my mind. Kiki laughs at my struggle and shakes her head.
“Don’t go there Tess. I’m not Ol’ Lady material and you couldn’t pay me enough to wash the unmentionables of any of these assholes.”
With that she gives me a chin lift and leaves, the door closing quietly behind her. Her words, though not expected or necessarily comforting, give me a little ground to stand on and collect myself.
These men would never hurt me, Sawyer least of all, now that I’ve been welcomed. I’m not dumb to what they do, I may not know specifics, but I know that you don’t become a one percenter without being into some shady shit. Regardless of their business, or what it may tangle them up in, I know they’re good men on the inside. If there is one thing I’ve learned in this shit show called life, it’s that the heroes are not always good men, and villains are not always bad men. I think these ‘villains’ are probably some of the best men I’ve met.
I take a moment and think back to my moments with Sawyer, already so many that tug a smile onto my face. With one last bracing deep breath, I turn and stride from the bathroom with my head held high. As soon as I’m out the door, I feel Sawyer’s eyes on me. He’s still standing at the bar, holding a beer and attempting to look casual. The white-knuckle grip he has on the bottle and how quick his eyes snap to me show I wasn’t the only one upset by my little outburst. My eyes lock with his and I offer him what I hope is a reassuring and confident smile as I make my way through the crowd toward him.
Sawyer’s eyes are wary as I reach him, it reminds me of the look you give an unfamiliar dog, like you aren’t sure if it’s going to bite or not.
“Hey, Tess, I’m…” he starts to say but I cut him off with a deep kiss causing him to knock his beer to the floor. I feel his surprise and then eagerness as he leans into the kiss fully, pulling me close.