They must have made a hundred of those damned things.
Emma speckled with paint and grinning as she brandished a wet paintbrush while they painted her kitchen cabinets.
Emma leaning toward him with a smile full of love.
Moisture welled in his eyes as he wondered how the hell he could tell her what he’d done, that Bastien had had to physically restrain him to keep him from killing a female immortal.
How could he tell her she’d been wrong in her fervent belief that he could win this battle?
How could he admit he’d waited too long?
He swiped to the next photo and the next, his heart splitting.
He’d just wanted to give Melanie and the others more time to find a way to heal him.
He’d wanted to have that happily-ever-after with Emma. To have the house and the picket fence and the children and the dog.
He’d been so focused on the dream… so reluctant to give it up… that he’d missed the moment when the monster growing inside him had snuck up and devoured the last lingering bit of him that she’d fallen in love with.
He swiped again.
A photo of himself grinned up at him.
THIS IS WHO YOU ARE, Emma had written across the bottom.
But it wasn’t, he acknowledged with utter despair.
Not anymore.
Agony engulfing him, Cliff tightened his hold on the phone until a spiderweb of cracks streaked across the screen, distorting his image. Then he slung it across the room.
It shattered when it struck the wall, tiny pieces scattering like buckshot.
Unfortunately, it couldn’t erase the image of himself from his mind.
“That isn’t who I am,” he murmured hoarsely.
He looked at the chaos that surrounded him, the destruction he had wrought, and saw again Liora’s bloody face.
“This is who I am.”
The voices roared in triumph.
Beneath them, a heartbeat sounded.
Cliff spun around.
Jared stood behind him. Reaching out, he touched his fingertips to Cliff’s forehead. “Peace.”
Cliff’s muscles loosened. His fists uncurled. The cacophony of voices in his head died down a little.
He blinked, then started and stepped back. “Jared?”
“Yes.”
“What’s going on? When did you come in?” He trailed off as he looked around.
What the hell? His kitchen was trashed and… Damn. So was the TV and a hell of a lot of other stuff. “What happened? Did I have another break?”
“You became agitated,” the elder told him. Jared was damned near seven feet tall, so Cliff had to tilt his head back to look up at him.
Again, Cliff surveyed the damage. “I’d say that was an understatement.”
Jared reached out and grasped Cliff’s shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
“Tuning the voices down to a dull roar so you will hear what I have to say.”
Unease filled Cliff. “Okay.” Shit. He hadn’t hurt anyone, had he?
“Last night you went hunting with Bastien and Aidan.”
Cliff nodded. “Right.” He had. He just couldn’t quite remember what had happened. Had it gone well or gone badly? He seemed to have conflicting recollections of it that were all jumbled together.
“You encountered a large band of vampires and fought them. The last two standing ended up being two of the missing immortals Seth has sought. One was male. One was female. But she was garbed in such a way—wearing clothes that hid her form with her hair tucked up under her hat—that such was not immediately apparent. None of you realized who the two were until her hat fell off. Because of your mental decline, you didn’t grasp it until Bastien stopped you from delivering a death blow.”
Cliff stared up at him in horror. “I attacked her? I tried to kill her? Is she okay?”
Jared inclined his head. “The fact that your first response is concern for her clearly indicates there is part of you that is still worth saving. But last night you believed there wasn’t. When it appeared you were working your way up to asking them to end your life, Seth altered your memories to stop you.”
Cliff shook his head. “Why would he do that? When Seth brought me here, he said the choice would be mine. Why would he betray me like that? Why would Bastien and Aidan let him?”
“Because they are not without flaws, Cliff. They care about you and were not ready to see you die.” He lifted one shoulder in a slight shrug. “And your mistake was not as catastrophic as you believed. Liora’s wounds were minor. I’ve seen Seth injure Zach far more when they spar.”
Cliff suspected he wouldn’t be taking this nearly as well if Jared wasn’t infusing him with calm. “And this?” He motioned to the mess.
“When you ran into Liora and Jordan in the hallway, Liora was a little nervous and Jordan behaved like an ass.”
“Fuck you!” a man shouted in another apartment.
“He’s still behaving like an ass because he’s grappling with the lies Gershom planted in his head.” Jared nodded at the room around them. “When you realized Seth lied to you and that Bastien and Aidan had allowed it, you became…”
Cliff arched a brow. “Agitated?”
“Yes. I—” He broke off. His eyes acquired an unfocused look for a moment before they sharpened once more. “Seth needs me.” Releasing Cliff’s shoulder, he touched two fingertips to Cliff’s forehead. “Sleep.”
Darkness embraced him.
Cliff smiled as he surveyed the meadow behind Emma’s home, which was now their home. In the weeks since he’d become human again, he had added a lovely deck to the back of the house. Bastien and Aidan had insisted on helping… which had actually enabled him to finish it in a single night once he completed the planning and purchased all the materials they would need.
Chris Reordon had helped, too, in a way. After officially putting Cliff on the network payroll, he had held out a check.
“What’s this?” Cliff had asked as he took it. Then he’d looked at the figure on the check and gaped.
“Back pay. I owe you for all the nights you hunted with Bastien and Aidan.”
Holy hell, it had been a lot. As in seven figures a lot. Cliff had tried to give it back. “It’s too much.”
But Chris had shaken his head. “That’s what Immortal Guardians are paid. And you were doing the job of an Immortal Guardian.” Then he’d snorted. “I should actually pay you twice that just for keeping Bastien out of my hair so many nights.”
Cliff hadn’t known what to say.
“You’ll actually earn less than that now that you aren’t hunting vampires,” Chris had offered apologetically, less being an easy six figures.
But that first check had been for such a huge amount that paying Bastien back the money he’d given Cliff hadn’t even made a dent in it. Neither had buying up more acreage around the house he and Emma loved so much.
So after he’d finished the deck, Cliff had added a limestone path that led from the deck to a large outdoor living space twenty yards away that he and Emma had designed together. The floor of the circular area boasted the same limestone as the path. A large fireplace with attached stone benches dominated one side of the space. Two sofas and a couple of armchairs provided additional seating. And in the middle they’d parked an ottoman that Emma frequently joked was big enough for them to sleep on. All boasted sleek, modern lines and thick, comfortable cushions. A pergola stretched above them with a retractable awning that provided shade during the day and a glimpse of the stars at night.