“How can you be happy about that?”
“We have to be honest about our own limitations, Aristotle. I knew from the moment I began to teach my first class here that I’d made a mistake. I didn’t have the courage to say, You’re going to have to find someone else because I can’t do this. I would have lived a lie for an entire year because I couldn’t or wouldn’t do the honest thing. When you know you’ve made a mistake, don’t live in it.”
She got up and gathered her purse and sweater. “Most young men who are as astonishingly handsome as you are, grow up to be men who use the world as their personal toilet. You don’t have that kind of indecency in you.”
She walked out the door, and I could hear her laughing down the hall. I sat in the quiet classroom and thought, This has been a very interesting day. But if I had more days like this, I was going to be a fucking mess.
Fifteen
I WAS WALKING TOWARD MY truck—and even though the throbbing was almost gone, my hands were still swollen. I must have hit those guys pretty damned hard. I smiled at Mrs. Ardovino’s remark about how by solving one problem you create another. Mrs. Ardovino. What a trip. I wondered what she had been like when she was Mrs. Ortiz’s age.
This was going to be quite a year. For once, I wasn’t happy about the fact that Dante and I attended different high schools. There were moments I found myself thinking about him—and missing him.
I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Susie and Gina and Cassandra standing beside my truck. They were talking about everything that happened at school that day. Finally, I said, “What are we doing here?”
“We’re carping on our teachers.”
“No, I mean here beside my truck.”
Cassandra smiled. “Take a guess.”
“You think I can’t drive myself home.”
“The word ‘think’ does not belong in that sentence. I’m driving you home. Gina’s following in her car. I’ll drop you off, and they’ll pick me up and take me home. And we’ll all be safe and sound doing our homework. Gimme the keys.”
“Don’t I have a say in any of this?”
“You’ve already had your say. That’s why you can’t drive.”
“Cassandra, why do you—”
“Shut up, Ari. This is not subject to debate. Hand me the keys.”
“Well, I—”
“Ari,” she said, and then she cocked her head and did that I’m a bull about to gore you thing.
“I can’t reach my keys in my pocket. My hands are too swollen. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“Because you were preventing me from saying something.”
“Well, you have to learn to be more assertive.”
Gina and Susie walked away laughing. “We’ll see you at Ari’s.”
She gave me that play-sexy look. “Which pocket? Or do you want me to search around?”
I pointed to my pocket on the right side.
She reached for them.
“That tickles.”
“Does it? Hasn’t Dante ever felt you up?”
“Knock it off.”
“That embarrasses you, doesn’t it? You shouldn’t be embarrassed by that.”
She laughed.
“Just be quiet,” I said. “Don’t talk. Just drive me home.”
Sixteen
CASSANDRA PULLED THE TRUCK INTO the driveway. “How’d I do?”
“You’re really going to make me tell you that you’re a good driver?”
“Only if it’s true.”
“You’re a good driver.”
“You don’t think girls are good drivers, do you?”
“It’s not something that I’ve ever thought about. Guys don’t go around thinking about how good girls are at driving, or doing anything else, for that matter.”
“Yes, they do.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“Well, that’s because you’re—”
“Let me finish your sentence. That’s because I’m gay.”
I don’t know. Maybe it was too many things happening in one day, but I just sat there, and the fucking tears started rolling down my face.
“Aw, Ari. I’m sorry. Don’t…” And then she was crying too. “I know I’m hard. I need to be a little softer. It kills me to think that I hurt you.”
Seventeen
“ARI, WHY DID YOU THINK it was a good idea to return to that kind of behavior?”
“Mom, why don’t you ask me what happened?”
“I don’t need to know the facts. A fight is a fight is a fight. And I won’t ever find that kind of behavior acceptable.”
“I know,” I said. “But, Mom, I can’t make all of my decisions based on whether you approve or disapprove. I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve earned the right to be wrong.”
“No one has the right to be wrong with intent.”
“Can we talk about something else?”
“The sun rose today at five fifty-seven a.m. in El Paso, Texas.”
“Nice, Mom, nice.”
“I learned those smart-ass tactics from you.”
“I didn’t teach you those tactics with intent.”
“Okay, we don’t have to talk about this now. But we are going to finish this conversation.”
“You mean this lecture.”
“Lecture. There’s a word. You may think that term has negative connotations, but usually when someone attends a lecture, they learn something.”
Eighteen
WE WERE HANGING OUT AT Dante’s place—and for once his room was clean. Well, more or less.
“You think Cassandra became a woman much too soon?”
“What’s too soon, Dante? I think she decided not be anybody’s victim. I think her father’s emotional abuse explains some of it—but not all of it.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
“Dante, I do. I really do. I have a connection with her that I’ve never had with anyone. And I think she feels it too.”
Dante was quiet.
“Does that bother you, Dante?”
“No, not really. That’s not true. It does bother me. You have something with her that you don’t have with me.”
“So?”
Dante didn’t say anything.
“There’s no reason to feel threatened by her, Dante.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes. You can ask me anything.”
“Do you think you might be bisexual?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I don’t think so isn’t very reassuring.”
“What I feel for Cassandra isn’t sexual. I’m not attracted to girls in that way. But I am discovering that I like girls. That I like women. They can be so honest and vulnerable. And I think that women are a helluva lot nicer than guys.”
He nodded. “I guess you’re right. It’s just that, well… let’s just talk about something else.”