The marchers kept marching. And they took you with them. And I knew I couldn’t follow.
And then I was alone. I was cold and the sky was nothing more than dark clouds—and when the rain fell, the drops felt like bullets on my body. And I kept yelling, “Dante!”
I woke up yelling your name and I was soaked in sweat.
My mother was sitting on my bed. She looked like an angel. And she whispered, “It’s only a dream, Ari. I’m here. Dreams can’t hurt you.”
Dante, do you ever have bad dreams?
And why do bad dreams follow you for days? And what are they trying to tell you? Does your mother know how to interpret dreams?
The next day, at school, I walked down the hallway. I felt as if I was alone again—as alone as I had been before I met you. I wondered if one day you and I would die from AIDS.
Maybe all of us would die from AIDS. All the faggots would be gone.
The world would go on without us in it. Finally, the world would get what it wanted.
Three
“WHY DO THEY CALL MRS. LIVERMORE ‘Mrs. More Liver’?”
“Gina made up a story about her. She said she was just the kind of mean mother who served her children liver on special occasions because she knew her children hated it. She didn’t believe in happy children. So she’d serve them all a plate of liver and sautéed onions and when they’d all finally managed to get it all down, she was back up, standing in front of their empty plates, asking, ‘More liver?’ Like the wicked witch in Snow White, offering her an apple. And then she’d serve them a second helping and they all just wanted to barf. And she made sure they ate every bite of their second helping. And if one of her children had made her unhappy, she’d stand before that child a third time, and smile. ‘More liver, dear?’ And she’d plop another piece of liver on the plate. And then she’d smile and say to herself, That will teach them.”
“Wow, but she’s not that evil. I mean, I’m sure she’s a nice mother.”
“I don’t think she’s a nice mother at all. I don’t think she’s a nice anything. And if you think about it,” Susie said, “that’s what she does to us in class. Every damn day she serves us more liver. I can’t stand that woman. Ari Mendoza, you’re going to tell me that Livermore doesn’t get under your skin?”
“Well, she kinda does, but look, we need the class to graduate, and I guess I’m just going to push on through. I don’t let her ruin my day.”
“Don’t you think that deep down she hates Mexicans?”
“She doesn’t hate us. She just thinks we’re inferior.” I grinned at Susie.
She didn’t laugh.
“It was supposed to be a joke.”
She pretty much tore me up with that look of hers.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Look, it’s pretty obvious she’s a racist. I mean, she told Chuy that she was happy that there was a nickname for Jesus because it just wasn’t right that any person should be named after the Lord. She just thinks shit like that, Susie. Who cares? She’s just not all that smart.”
“Well, let her think like that if she wants to—but does she have to say it? You’re a little too laid-back about this, Ari. I mean, what was that bullshit when she walked into class one day and asked why Hispanics didn’t read the Bible? And she didn’t even get the joke when Chuy shouted out, ‘Catholics don’t like the Bible. We just worship Jesus and Our Lady of Guadalupe.’ ”
“Give her some credit, Susie. Maybe she did get his sarcasm when she shot back, ‘Biblical literacy is foundational for any person who claims to be educated.’ ”
“How does she get away with that shit?” And then on the day she was talking about our judicial system, she just had to say”—and then Susie did an impersonation of her—“ ‘It’s very important that you listen closely because in Mexico, where you come from, there is no judicial system.’ Why the hell does she have to say crap like that? And then Chuy shot back, ‘Well, they do have a judicial system in Mexico—though I’m not from there. I’m from here. Mexico does have a judicial system—it’s just that it’s corrupt. You know, like in Alabama, where you’re from.’ Chuy may seem like he’s been smoking too much pot—but he doesn’t take any crap.”
“Well, you gotta admit the class can get pretty entertaining.”
“To quote Mr. Blocker, ‘You don’t come to school to get entertained—you come to learn.’ And if you’re not careful, Ari Mendoza, you’re going to grow up and be a sellout.” And she gave me a disapproving look that rivaled Cassandra Ortega. “One of these days I’m going to walk into her class when I’m in a bad mood. And all hell’s going break loose.”
Four
CASSANDRA AND I WERE SITTING on my front steps. “It’s either music or acting,” she said.
“You’re into music?”
“I play the piano. I’m good at it. Not great. Not brilliant. But good. I have time to get better. And I’m into singing. You sing?”
“I sing okay—but it’s not something that interests me very much.”
“Doesn’t interest you?”
“I love music. But I’m no musician.”
“I get that.” She offered me a hand and pulled me up. Damn, she was strong.
“Which way should we go?” I asked.
“That way,” she said. “I’m dying for a candy bar.”
“I like PayDays.”
“I love PayDays.”
We passed a house where a woman was clipping her roses. Cassandra greeted her, “Hello, Mrs. Rico.”
“Cassandra, you’re as pretty as ever. And how are you, Ari?”
“I’m just fine, Mrs. Rico.”
“And don’t you two make a lovely couple.”
“Yes, we do,” Cassandra said.
As we moved down the street, I looked at her. “Lovely couple? Every time someone says something like that, I feel like a total fraud. I feel like an impostor.”
“Well, you’re not lying to anyone. Don’t own other people’s assumptions. And we do make a lovely couple.”
That made me laugh. “Yeah, we do. And who was that lady?”
“You called her Mrs. Rico, and she knew your name. I thought you knew her.”
“I called her Mrs. Rico because you called her that.”
“Well, she’s another Catholic Daughter. She runs her own CPA firm.”
“Those Catholic Daughters—they sure as hell have contacts. It seems like they know everybody.”
“They do. One of the ladies is one of the national all-time best saleswomen for Mary Kay products—and she drives a pink Cadillac to prove it. You should see it. She loves to pretend she’s Jackie Kennedy Onassis. She gets a big kick out of making fun of herself.
“You know, we need to do what Ms. Mary Kay did. She made a place for herself in the business world. She didn’t give a shit if the men around her snickered. She makes more money than most of the assholes put together. And she came by that money honestly. She put her name on the map.”