Susie and Chuy and I just kept looking at one another.
Mr. Robertson made a motion for us to come into his office. “And I suppose you find all of this amusing.”
“Amusing,” Susie said. “I like that word.”
“Do you always find it necessary to respond when no response is needed?”
He was definitely in a bad mood.
We all took a seat. Estella walked in with a cup of water and set it on Mr. Robertson’s desk. He took out a pill and downed it with the water. He was looking old and a little weathered, and I wondered why anybody would want his job. He sat for a moment and he was obviously trying to calm himself down.
“So,” Chuy said, “did we win an award or something?”
Mr. Robertson buried his face in his hands and started laughing his ass off. But it was more like he wanted to cry. And Chuy had this incredible shit-eating grin on his face. I loved that guy.
“What kind of award were you thinking you might be receiving, Jesus?”
“Chuy. It’s Chuy. What kind of award? How about the speaking-truth-to-power award?”
“What truth?”
“We called Mrs. Livermore out on her racism.”
“She is not a racist,” he said firmly. “She’s just stupid.” He put his hand on his forehead, covering his face. “I never said that.”
“And we didn’t hear it,” Susie said. “But racism and stupidity aren’t mutually exclusive. And the two pretty much go hand in hand.”
“I’m an educator. I know I’m an administrator now, but that doesn’t make me less of an educator. And it’s my responsibility to tell all of you that words like ‘racism’ shouldn’t be tossed around casually. You should think twice, no, three times before you level those accusations at another human being. Am I clear?”
And then I had to jump in. “You’re right,” I said. “We should think three times before we make destructive allegations. But I think that you think we’re not smart enough or that we don’t know enough about the world to understand the meaning of the word ‘racism.’ You think that it’s just that we don’t like her. You think we shouldn’t use the word ‘racism’ at all because we haven’t earned the right to use it. So we should leave it to you and to other enlightened adults to decide when it is appropriate to use that word. But you disrespect us and you underestimate us. And you disrespect a lot of our teachers, who wouldn’t dream of treating us the way she treats us. And you know and I know that this is not the first time you’ve heard this complaint. You didn’t do your job. Just like you didn’t grade our papers. You’re the adult. And we’re kids. And it’s your job to take care of us. And you’re not doing a very good job.”
“The only reason I’m sitting here listening to all this is that I happen to know your mother, who is a credit to her profession. And that’s the only reason.”
“I think I already knew that.” I was about to say something else, but I stopped myself.
He pointed at the door. “Go. And I don’t want to see any of you in this office for any reason for the rest of the school year.”
“You forgot to tell us why you called us in.”
All of a sudden, he had this embarrassed look on his face. “Oh yes, that. Do any of you know anything about those crickets?”
“Crickets?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you had something to do with it, Chuy.”
“Well, if I had, I’d confess.”
“Me too,” Susie said.
Then he looked at me. “I’ve had other things on my mind.”
“Oh, of course you have.” He was very quiet. “I was very sorry to hear about your father. He was a good man.”
I nodded. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”
He looked at all of us. “I’m not some kind of monster, you know.”
“We know,” Susie said. “You’re trying to do your job. And we’re trying to do ours.”
He smiled. “Ms. Byrd. You’re going to change a piece of the world. I know people like me get in your way sometimes. I’ll try not to take it too personally. Now get out of here, all of you.”
I remembered what my father had said, that there were worse men and worse principals. But I was still pissed about what Mr. Robertson had said: that the only reason he had listened to me was because he knew my mother. When I heard Mr. Robertson say it, it made me feel invisible. And that made me angry. He just didn’t see us. He just thought of us as troublemakers. That was why he called us in. As soon as he heard about what happened in Mrs. Livermore’s class, he thought of us. He just didn’t see us.
* * *
There were only ten minutes left in the period. I headed for the nearest exit. I needed to get some fresh air. Susie and Chuy followed me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Ari, you were awesome.”
“Was I? He didn’t hear a damn thing we said.”
“Wrong,” Chuy said. “He heard you. He heard you loud and clear.”
“You know, I feel bad for Mrs. Livermore. I do. But how are we supposed to learn to look at the truth? Where are we supposed to learn right from wrong? Maybe that’s it. They don’t want us to go looking for the truth. They don’t really want us to learn right from wrong. They just want us to behave.”
Susie looked at me. “I like it when you’re like this.”
“Why? Because I’m engaging in Susie Byrd behavior?”
Chuy started laughing. And then Susie started laughing. And then I started laughing. But we all knew that what we really wanted to do was cry. We were so disappointed. Maybe we’d just expected too much.
The bell rang.
Seventeen
LEAVE IT TO SUSIE TO get to the bottom of the mystery of the crickets in the classroom. “It was David Brown. I should have figured it out. He said he wanted to be an entomologist when we were in the fifth grade.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I remember that. I had to look it up.”
We walked down the hall and she left a note in his locker. Dear Cricket, you’re my hero. And don’t worry, I’m not going to out you. We all love you. Susie Byrd.
The next day, he was passing by us with his lunch tray. “David,” Susie said, “come sit with us.”
He seemed startled. He just looked at Susie blankly. “I’m not very social.”
“Who cares? We’re not going to grade your social skills.”
“You’re funny,” he said.
He sat with us, and he was awkward and uncomfortable, and I felt bad for him. Why was Susie always badgering the loners of the world when they wanted to be left alone?
“Why’d you do it, David? The crickets?”
“How did you know I did that?” He was trying to keep his voice down.
“It doesn’t matter. Your secret is safe. So why’d you do it?”
“Like you’re a big fan of hers?”
“Everybody hated her. Me included.”
“Not everybody hated her. But I really hated her. And really, I sort of got the idea from Ari.”