I’ll jump the fucking barriers if I have to. I’m about to plow down a cop and climb up the Ferris wheel myself, but Kansas’s arms wrap around me, stopping me just in time.
“You can’t. One-Eye needs you here and safe. He needs to focus on Kimmy.”
“I need to get to them. Put me down! Put me down!” I scream louder and kick my legs, staring up at the ride that holds the two most important people in my life. “Please,” I slap his arms holding me back. “I need to.”
“You need to stay safe, and I know One-Eye would want me to make sure that happened.”
“Alicia,” Boomer’s voice has me turning my head. Scarlett walks out from behind him, her mascara smudged, and when I see her, I throw myself at her, and she holds me close.
“How did this happen? How could this have happened?” I ask her, even though I know she doesn’t have an answer for me.
“I don’t know, but everything is going to be okay,” Scarlett says.
I know she means well, but I live in a world called reality.
This is not okay.
This does not look okay.
“We’ve got everyone out except for the man and little girl on top. The Ferris wheel is too unstable. We can’t climb it. We have to go in from above,” a fire and rescue man tells an older guy, maybe the guy in charge.
I push away from Scarlett and jump over the metal barrier they put in the way.
“Ma’am, you can’t come back here,” a cop with a silver mustache tries to block me.
Please.
I’m a fucking mom.
A cop won’t be able to stop me.
I fake sidestep him, then spin around and dash to the firefighter. “You said there were two people trapped? You have to get up there. That’s my daughter and her… and her father.” I stumble over the words because I don’t know what else to say, but this is the truth and the easiest explanation. “Please.”
“Ma’am, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure they are okay,” he states while taking me by the arms gently to push me behind the barricade again.
I shove him in the chest. “Everything? Everything you can? I don’t see you doing everything you can.” I point to the bending hunk of metal in the sky that’s falling slowly, inch by inch, to the water below. The smoke gets thicker in the sky. “You are down here, and my life is up there. Mine.” I pat my chest and my throat is dry from yelling. “Not yours. Not his,” I point my finger at the cop behind me. “Mine. Please, get up there and get them before—”
The loud groan sounds again, and my worst nightmare comes to life as the Ferris wheel bends more. The crowd gasps and screams.
“We have rescue going up in a helicopter. We’re going to get them,” he insists, staring at me right in the eyes.
And while they are a beautiful green, they hold nothing to the brown Quin has.
“Please,” I beg, then inhale at the same time, coughing from the smoke.
“Get her out of here. Now!” he yells and the cop with the mustache grips me by the arm, his stupid mustache tilting up in annoyance with me.
“Alright, everyone back up! Back. Up.” The cops have everyone taking a step back away and Boomer is there, along with Arrow and Kansas to flank my sides.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit, tilting my head back to look at the top of the ride. “Oh my god!” I shout and dig my nail into someone’s arm, I don’t know whose, when the capsule One-Eye and Kimmy are in falls to the side. The rail opens and both of them fall out, but One-Eye grips the rail with one hand while holding Kimmy with the other. “Kimmy! Quin!” I scream at the top of my lung, holding my hand over my mouth as I watch their feet dangle in the air.
Life isn’t meant to be so scary. My heart is out of my body watching this and if anything happens to them, I have no doubt in my mind I’ll no longer live another second.
This is not fucking good. I’ve never hated water so much in my life.
“Don’t let go of me, Quin! Don’t let go,” Kimmy screams, her adorable cheeks red and wet with tears and terror.
“You listen to me, I’m never letting go, okay? Never. You don’t ever have to worry about that.” I have a tighter grip on her than I do the rail, so I tighten my fingers over the metal and try to lift us, but my weight pulls against one of the hinges, which falls apart.
We drop a few more inches and Kimmy screams again. “Quin, I’m scared. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.”
“You do not let go, you understand me? Wrap your legs around mine and then your arms. Okay? Hold on tight and then you can give yourself a rest. Okay? Can you do that for me, Squirt?”
Her hair falls from her ponytail as she shakes her head and those long red strands sway in the smoky breeze.
“No. I’m too scared. I don’t want to. I’m afraid to move,” she cries.
“I know you are,” I nod, trying not to panic. I can’t panic. There is no room for that nonsense right now. She needs me to remain calm. “I’m not going to lie to you, Squirt, we aren’t in the best situation right now. It doesn’t look good, but if you free my hand, I can replace my other one so I can hold on tighter. I’m losing my grip.”
“No! No! No,” she cries, kicking her legs even more, which shakes the container we just fell out of, and it begins to rock.
“Kimmy. Kimmy!” I shout her name harshly as if I’ve just slapped her and she stops crying long enough to blink those green eyes at me. “You have to listen to me and wrap your legs around mine. Stop moving, okay? Then, I want you to wrap your arms around my leg and hold on tighter than you ever have, you hear me?” I look down at her, grinding my teeth. My bicep feels like it’s about to rip in half. “I need you to be really brave right now. I need you to be ruthless, can you do that?”
“Like you? You want me to be a Ruthless King like you?” she shouts in her innocent, fragile childish voice, an innocence that shouldn’t be ripped away so soon.
But after this incident, there is no way she will ever see the world the same again.
“No, Squirt. A Ruthless Queen. Just like your amazing mama. I need you to do that. Do it for me.”
I roar as I try to hold on longer. My fingers are going numb, slipping as I lose my strength. I jerk my head when a large, flaming piece of the Ferris wheel falls w splash in the water. Kimmy buries her face in my jeans, and I turn my head away from the spray of salt water.
A second later, I feel Kimmy wrap her legs around mine. I glance down to see the indecision to let go of my hand to grip my leg.
I nod and a tear falls from the corner of her eye.
“You can do it,” I encourage her.
Her tiny fingers slip free and there is a split moment where I don’t feel her at all and I swear to god she fell, but then she’s clutching onto me tightly.
I get choked up and bend my head back, blinking away the emotion. “Good. God, Kimmy, that was so good. I’m so damn proud of you.” I reach with my other arm, wrap my fingers around the rail, grip, and then let my dead arm fall.
I have no way of getting us out of here. I’ve failed Kimmy and I’ve failed Alicia. If I was an actual father, a good father, I would have never put us on this ride. I never would have risked her.