Chopping sounds grab my attention and I look up to see a helicopter.
A man is hanging out the side wearing an orange and a white helmet. He’s strapped to a harness and coming closer to us. The bird lifts, getting higher so the rescuer can scale down.
“Kimmy, he’s getting you first, okay?”
“No! No, I’m not going without you. I can’t go without you. I won’t.” She clutches tighter.
“You have to. They can’t take us both, Squirt. I’ll be right behind you.”
“Quin. No!”
“It’s okay. Hey,” I grab her attention and it’s as if time slows and the chopper isn’t churning angry waves in the water below. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” God, don’t make a liar out of me. Again.
“I’m Carlos,” the rescuer yells as he loops a harness around her tight. “What’s your name?”
“Kimmy,” she answers.
“Kimmy. That’s pretty. We’re going to go up for a ride in the helicopter and then I’m going to come back and get your dad.”
“You swear?”
“I swear,” he yells as the metal creaks again, the fire crackling below. “On my life, Kimmy.”
“It’s okay, Squirt. Let go. It’s okay to let go.”
Her hands unclench from my leg and the rescuer takes her away, lifting her up to safety.
“Fuck, this really sucks,” I finally say, since I don’t have a kid hanging on me.
The rail dips and my entire body jerks. The hinge I’ve been holding onto finally snaps, and the only thing holding me to this damn piece-of-shit ride is the other hinge.
I look up to Kimmy and our eyes meet when she is settled in a seat, but something tells me I don’t have the time.
I point to my eye, place my free hand over my heart, and point to her.
I take one last breath. Everything seems to be in slow motion. The Ferris wheels bends more. Smoke billows up into my good eye, forcing me to blink it shut. The steady beat of the chopper’s wings and the loud groaning and creaking of metal overwhelms my ears.
I look up at Kimmy one last time.
I barely hear when the rail snaps.
For a second, I don’t fall. I just… stay.
Kimmy is screaming and trying to get out of the helicopter but the rescuer stops her.
Good. That’s good.
She’s safe.
And gravity finally wins.
I fall.
There’s a lot of things going through my mind right now, so I don’t scream or yell. I’m too busy thinking about my life. The what-ifs, the wishes, and the used-to-bes.
As the water gets closer, so does the Ferris wheel as it finally topples over.
Death has always been an acquaintance; something I’ve known that’s been coming a long damn time.
I’m a little surprised I’m going out like this. It isn’t a death I expected. I imagined a gunfight, knife fight, maybe even a fist fight. Someone would give me one good whack on the head and it would be lights out. I thought maybe I’d die in a motorcycle accident. I even contemplated drug overdose given one circumstance in my life and how I used to live it.
Being crushed and drowned by a burning Ferris wheel never crossed my mind. I bet my chances of dying by getting attacked by a shark are greater.
Water crashes around me as my body sinks into the cold blue ocean. I hold my breath and stay under, diving deeper while swimming away, hoping I can get far away enough from the burning ring of fire threatening to trap me forever.
I kick, I pull my arms, I keep my eye open under water so I can see where I’m going.
It’s so fucking cold.
It’s dark.
The water is so blue down here, it’s almost black.
A muted crash echoes and one of the steel railings slams against my leg. I scream under water, bubbles spraying from my mouth.
I kick and wave my arms to get to the surface, but my boot is hooked onto a rail. I bend down and untie it, my lungs dying for air. I can’t give up.
Kimmy needs me. I need her.
And then there’s Alicia.
Even if we can never be together, I need to be alive so I can take care of them. I can’t let them down. I try to free myself again, knocking my boot with my other foot. The metal is sinking fast and I’m going with it. I don’t have much time until it’s too late.
“Come on!” I yell under water, tugging so hard I finally get my foot free.
I swim. My leg is killing me, my vision is blurring. But I’m free.
If I give up now, I give up everything worth living for, and I can’t do that.
Not when I am finally on my way to having everything I’ve ever wanted.
I break the surface and gasp for air, clinging onto a hunk of metal that didn’t sink. I take in a few much-needed breaths, spitting out water and resting my chin against the steel.
I’m never riding on a fucking rollercoaster or Ferris wheel again.
I’ll take my chances with the sharks.
And then time seems to come back to normal. I hear the sirens and panicked screams from the surface. And coming from behind me is the sound of a motor running. I turn and groan with relief when I see the rescue team on a boat coming toward me.
“You gave us a scare!” the guy calls out, reaching down to grab me by my cut to help me on board.
My arms shake from exhaustion as I push against the edge to roll over into the boat. I collapse on the deck, and I have no time to think before I have medics checking me over.
“Kimmy. Kimmy!” I shout, pushing them out of the way. “I need to get—”
“Your daughter is safe. She’s with my buddy Carlos.”
“She’s okay?” My head thuds against the floor.
“You did good. You held on to her for a long time. I’ve never seen anyone hold on for so long.”
“I promised I wouldn’t let go.”
“Good man. Now, let me check your eye to make sure it’s okay. It looks pretty irritated, and you have a head wound and a nasty cut on your leg, but I think you’ll be okay.”
“Head wound?” I lift my hand to my temple and wince. “Fuck me,” I grumble.
“I think you got hit pretty hard when that Ferris wheel fell, and you haven’t felt the extent of the pain yet. Just in case, you’re going to the hospital for an MRI, alright? Can you tell me your name?” He shines the fucking light in my eye.
“Man, I don’t need that thing. You’re blinding me.” I knock his hand out of the way. “Quin Rattler, that’s my name. I’m fine. Just tired. Need to get to Kimmy.”
“We’re taking you there. Just try to relax while we try to bandage you up.”
Relax.
Right.
I go to readjust my patch when I don’t feel it there. I pat my face and around my head, but I don’t feel the straps.
“Hey, calm down. It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe. We’re nearly to the dock.”
“I need my patch. I need… I can’t get off this boat without it. The news is here. I can’t. Where is it?”
“It must have gotten lost in the water. It’s okay.” He looks around but ultimately rips the bottom of his shirt, then wraps it around the hole in my head. “It isn’t the best, probably not even sanitary, but it will do.”