My release was so close, and I couldn’t control it.
I plunged inside her, hoping to control my orgasm, but it didn’t work. Her tight heat, the feel of her, it was all too much as I came, pulsing my cum deep into her womb, wondering if she was going to get pregnant or if she was on the pill.
****
Dante
I had to get away from the sterile house. Everyone was so fucking depressing that I felt it sticking to my being, threatening to drag me down into the pits of hell. To some, this may seem extreme, but to me, it made complete sense.
There was just too much going on around me, and I had to get my shit grounded together, which was why I was in my car, traveling toward my safe haven. What I didn’t expect was for Sian to ask to come with me.
After breakfast, I said I needed to get out of the house for a day or two. Without saying where I was going, Sian had asked to come with.
At first, I was going to deny her, but then this was Sian. I couldn’t deny her anything, nor would I want to.
“Do you want to know where I’m going?” I asked.
“Your safe space,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“I kind of guessed it.” She looked at me, but I needed to focus on driving. “It has been a tense couple of days. It’s not exactly hard to put two and two together. You need a place to recharge. That I get.” She was looking through a couple of CDs I had but never listened to. When she finished looking through them, she put them back into the glovebox.
Silence fell between us. It wasn’t awkward, but I didn’t want there to be any kind of silence. “How are you feeling?” I asked.
“I … kind of numb, but you know, coping. It’s all I can do.”
“Do you miss your mom?” I asked.
Sian sighed, which made me turn toward her to see what I’d said that made her do that. “To be honest, no. I know it makes me sound like an awful person. Every time I think it, I know it makes me sound awful. Who wouldn’t miss their mother?”
“Someone who doesn’t know her,” I said.
“Exactly. I don’t know her. I know things about her, obviously. People loved her. Your dad, Justin, George, and Lucas all loved her. It’s not hard for that to be seen. They always look like their favorite toy has been taken away.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I get that our parents have sex and all, but I don’t want to think of our parents doing it.”
“It bothers you?” Sian asked.
“Yeah, it’s not something I want to get a visual picture on.” I wasn’t an idiot. I knew it happened. Of course, I knew it did, but there were also limits to what I wanted to know, and thinking about our folks all getting it on wasn’t on my list of things to think about or see.
She chuckled. “I agree with you. Going back to my feelings about my mom, I then feel bad. When she wasn’t under my dad’s thumb, she tried, you know. She tried to make me safe. To do everything to give me a better life. How can I not, you know, miss that? She has to be a good woman.”
“One day, you’re going to be able to talk to her.” I hoped that was true.
If Alexander could kill her nanny and Heather, then I wouldn’t rule it out that he’d killed before, and would probably also kill her mother.
What I was surprised about was why he hadn’t done so before. Why wait? Why make her suffer for this long? There was always a risk that the drugs he fed her would wear off. That was what I didn’t get. Why keep her around if she was a liability when he’d proven more than once he could kill easily?
Of course, I didn’t voice any of these points in front of Sian. She didn’t need to think about that right now.
Even though her thoughts about her mother weren’t deep, I knew there was a chance Joan loved her daughter. No, I knew she loved her daughter. There was no doubt about it.
“What would I say if that day ever occurred?”
“Anything you wanted.”
“I don’t know what I’d say.” She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to think about it. It might never happen, and I’m not going to stress about it for nothing.”
Silence fell between us once again, only this time, Sian seemed uncomfortable.
Tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, I wondered what to say to her. “Do you blame her?” I asked.
I felt Sian’s gaze on me. “Don’t be … no, of course not.”
She lied.
“It’s fine to blame her if you want to,” I said.
“Blaming her doesn’t resolve anything. It doesn’t bring her back. It’s pointless.” She folded her arms and turned to stare out the window.
This wasn’t supposed to be a trip about pain or anger. I couldn’t let her fester on this.
“Blame doesn’t have to make sense,” I said. “You can blame whoever the hell you want, even if it is your mom.”
“But … she can’t help. She can’t do anything because of him.”
“And you still can blame her for it. If she had fought a little harder maybe? If she hadn’t left my dad. If The Society hadn’t intervened.”
I chanced a glance at her and saw tears were falling down her cheeks.
“I don’t mean to make you cry.”
Silence.
A sniffle.
Gripping the steering wheel even tighter, I saw a parking sign up ahead and I signaled to let other drivers know I was leaving the road, slowing down, doing it all sensibly as I navigated.
I didn’t want her to cry, not if I wasn’t in a position to hold her.
After bringing the car to a stop, I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out of the car. I rounded the vehicle, opened the door, and crouched down, and Sian threw herself into my arms.
Wrapping mine around her, I felt the press of her face against my neck, and I didn’t let her go.
“I do blame her,” Sian said. “I hate her and I love her and I miss her so much. It’s so unfair. I know she’s not living a good life. I know she’s probably in pain and hurting and I hate her for it.” She sobbed against my chest, almost howling.
Sian wanted to focus on one person and I got that. Her mother was the main target and there was nothing she could do about that. Not at this time. She was the one catalyst she could focus on.
Pain made no sense. The real person she needed to inflict all her anger on was her father. Alexander Roberts. He would get what was coming to him.
“I’ve got you, Sian,” I said.
“How? How can you even want to be near a person like me? My mother is the victim here. I know that.”
I cupped Sian’s face. “I’m always going to be here for you. You’re in pain.”
“I want to protect her,” Sian said. “Drew told me all the time my mom was a good person, but I never believed it. This is so not fair. I can’t stand it.”
I stroked her back as she let it all out, and I just let her. There was no point in trying to fight it. We sat on the side of the road, cars zooming past, some slowing down, and an ache began to build in the backs of my ankles.
Holding her close, I refused to let her go.
She lifted her head, sniffling. “I’m fine now.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m … I don’t know what that was all about, but I’m good.”