It hurt letting go of my dad, because for so long I’d lived in that space in-between, where I wasn’t sure how to feel about him or what he did to my mom. But even in that space, we’d grown apart, and I didn’t want the good memories I had with my dad to be replaced by awkward, tension-filled ones. So, I decided after graduation to just let him go. He’d only called once since then and I ignored it. Maybe we could reconnect later, but right now, I was content focusing on me for a while.
I’d just picked up my flashcards again when my bedroom door swung open.
“Ethan’s here,” Marie said without looking up from her phone. She was the animal-rights’ activist and the one I thought I’d get along with the easiest. I mean, I was getting a minor in Women’s Studies, embracing my feminist side, and she was trying to save kittens. We were a match made in heaven, right? Except she hadn’t said more than thirteen words to me. Including the two she’d just used to introduce my boyfriend.
“Hey, beautiful,” he crooned as he let himself into my room, closing the door behind him.
I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me, running my hands up his arms to hook around his neck. Ethan was strong, built, not much taller than me but so solid. His skin was the same as my mom’s, dark and smooth, and he had full lips that I loved to kiss. He also had what I liked to call a “News Anchor Smile”, blinding white, almost too wide and genuine for comfort.
We met the summer after I graduated high school when he was in Florida for an internship, after he spent a night at a Palm South University party sweeping me off my feet with cheesy pick up lines and random fruit facts. I shit you not, the man wooed me with mango and nectarine trivia. He kind of tasted like nectarines, actually — a tangy sort of sweetness.
“Please tell me you’re almost done studying,” he sang into my neck, still holding me close.
“I’m almost done studying.”
“Yes!” he celebrated, pulling back to face me but keeping his arms around my waist. “We’re going to a beach house party tonight.”
“We are, are we?”
He nodded. “We are. It’s casual, there’s a pool and stuff, so just dress in a bathing suit and cover-up or whatever. I can pick you up and we can ride together.”
I chewed my lip. “I don’t know, Ethan. I may be almost done studying, but I still have that paper to write before Monday.”
“And? Come on, it’s Thursday, and I happen to know you don’t have classes on Friday, and you don’t work this weekend,” he pointed out. I couldn’t argue that. I’d picked up a job at the coffee house and bookstore on campus, but I’d requested the weekend off to write my paper and get in some last minute studying. “So take tonight to have fun with your sexy, eager-to-party boyfriend and then you can work the rest of the weekend and I won’t bother you. Promise.”
He puckered out his lower lip and batted his eyelashes over dark midnight eyes. I just laughed.
“Fine.”
“I win!”
I swatted at his arm but he caught my hand, placing a kiss on the back of it. Ethan was always sweet that way. He touched me gently, whispered sweet nothings into my ear, always called me names like “beautiful” and “gorgeous.”
“What time should I be ready?”
“Let’s say around six. Jamie will be there, too, so you’ll have both of us. And this is the perfect chance for you to get to know more people.”
I swallowed, my pulse racing at the mention of Jamie. You’ll have both of us. Now that was a fantasy I could get behind.
“Sounds good.”
He smiled, pecking me once more before letting me loose. “See you tonight.”
Ethan let himself out and I plopped down at my desk, staring at my flashcards for fifteen seconds before giving up and packing them away. I grabbed the key to unlock my bike, the only transportation I’d brought to California after my car pooped out senior year, and made my way to the bike racks. I had about four hours before Ethan would be back to pick me up, and I had some shopping to do. The only bathing suit I brought was my old black top and two mismatching bottoms from high school, and neither would do for the party.
It might have been the wrong person to be thinking about in that moment, but I couldn’t stop obsessing over how Jamie had been ignoring me. If he was going to keep with that plan, I was going to do everything I had in my power to make it damn hard to follow through with.
• • •
I was ready early, which was surprising for me, and I tried chalking it up to eagerness to see Ethan and not nervousness to see Jamie. The truth was probably somewhere right in-between. I pushed all thoughts to the back of my mind as I checked my outfit in the one mirror in our dorm. It was a shared mirror, laid out in front of two sinks between our two showers and it cut off at my knees, but it was enough.
I’d spent fifty hard-earned dollars on the coral top I was sporting, but it was worth it. I didn’t even know they made bathing suits with underwire, but my barely B-cups were pushed up to the heavens, making them look fuller than I’d ever seen before, and the bright orangish pink was blazing against my mocha skin. It tied around my neck and clasped in the back, and I’d paired it with simple black bottoms that tied at each hip.
Makeup was still sort of a challenge to me, since Jenna helped me more times than not in high school, but I’d played up my gray eyes with a smoky eye and nude lip gloss. My hair was natural, spiral curls jetting off in different directions but framing my face in a tame enough way. I took one last look and slid into my gold sandals just as Ethan knocked on the front door.
Marie let him in before I could slip on my black, mesh lace cover-up and he stalled, his eyes trailing. “Damn.”
I laughed, because I had no idea how to react to the way he was staring at me. I reached for my coverup resting half in the sink, half out and pulled it over my head, but his hands were on my hips, stopping it from falling the rest of the way down.
“Maybe we should skip the party,” he murmured.
I lightly shoved him toward the door and he dropped his hands, my coverup hitting my thighs. “Nuh-uh. I’m giving up a full night of studying, mister. You’re taking me out.”
Ethan looked pretty enticing himself, dressed in patriotic board shorts that just hit his knees and a plain white t-shirt. He kissed my nose before grabbing my hand and leading me through the door and out to his car.
The drive was quiet, the wind whipping around us in his convertible Mustang. He said it was a gift from his father for high school graduation, and that was all I needed to know to guess what kind of upbringing he had. Still, we hadn’t really talked much about where we’d come from. For the both of us, it was more about where we were going. He asked me a lot about my major, which I still hadn’t decided on, and he loved to tell me his plans to make a difference in our country. He was going into politics. He knew that with certainty. I was a little jealous of that.
What I loved most about Ethan was how much he believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. He challenged me to ask myself what I wanted out of my life, and no one had really made me think about it before I met him. He didn’t just see the girl in his car tonight, he saw the woman she would become in ten years. I was a vision to him, and he was a comfort to me.