“He’s going to wake up,” I tell him with every ounce of positive energy I can muster. “Did you see him?”
“For a few minutes. My sister was there too with Gerald. But visiting hours aren’t until eight o’clock, and because he’s in the ICU, only one person can go in, and they limit the amount of time you’re there. Nobody under eighteen.”
“I’m so sorry.” I wrap my arms around his torso. The words are so pointless and won’t change anything, but I don’t know what else to do or say.
“If he hadn’t called for help, he would be dead on his floor, and nobody would even know,” he murmurs. “I could tell something’s been wrong with him. He looked tired…I asked him about it because he’s seemed off lately, but he blew off my concerns, telling me he loves me and that he’s proud of Amalia and me. I should’ve pushed and made him go see a doctor. If I would’ve—”
“You can’t play the what-if game. It’s a waste of time.”
He nods. “I just… fuck.” His eyes turn glassy. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him. He’s…” He swallows thickly.
“He’s your dad,” I finish for him. “Don’t think the worst.” I run my fingers down his cheek. “You’ll go back first thing in the morning and speak with the doctors to figure out a plan.”
Ben rolls us over so I’m on my back, and he’s hovering over me. “Thank you for bringing Brody home.” His lips brush against mine once, twice, before he deepens the kiss, his tongue caressing my own. “I need to be inside you. I need to just… fuck, I need to get lost in you for a little while.”
His tone is pleading, his eyes begging me to help him momentarily escape. He’s scared. He’s already lost his mom, and now there’s a chance he’s going to lose his father as well.
I glance over his shoulder to make sure the door is closed, and when I see it is, I reach between us and pull his dick out. With my fingers wrapped around his thick shaft, I stroke him up and down, working him until he’s nice and hard. He groans softly at my touch and dips his face, kissing along my collarbone.
As we kiss and touch, we shed our clothes, and then once Ben checks and sees that I’m wet and ready, he slides into me slowly, gently. He frames my face with his forearms and nuzzles his own into the crook of my neck, gliding in and out of me at an unhurried pace—doing exactly what he said: getting lost in me.
We make love, and then Ben wraps me in his arms, falling asleep with his face still buried in my neck. I want to get cleaned up, but I don’t move, not wanting to wake him. He’s been through a lot tonight and, if the fates aren’t in his favor, will be going through more in the near future.
At some point, I doze off, only to wake up to him sliding into me again. This time, he fucks me quick and rough. He doesn’t kiss me—instead nipping at the sensitive flesh between my neck and collarbone—and there isn’t any foreplay. Ben always makes sure I get off first. It’s as if he was drawn to me in his sleep and is barely awake. He doesn’t last long before he finds his release and then falls back asleep.
This time, since he’s sleeping on his stomach and not on me, I do get up and jump in the shower. After I’m dressed, I tiptoe out to the kitchen, finding it’s almost seven in the morning. I make a pot of coffee and whip up some pancakes, bacon, and eggs.
I’m just finishing up when I hear Ben’s phone ringing. I pad into the room and find him sitting on the edge of the bed with his head hanging down. My heart plummets into my stomach. This can’t be good.
Closing the space between us, I kneel in front of Ben. He looks up, his eyes filled with unshed tears, and I know something is very wrong.
“He’s gone,” he whispers. “He’s gone.”
There are no words to say, so I do the only thing I can do and wrap my arms around him, hugging him as tight as I can while he cries against my chest.
Brody must hear him because he steps into the doorway, his eyes knowing. On the way home last night, he told me that even though his dad was gone a lot, his grandfather always made it a point to visit with him and check in on him. But in the past couple of months, Brody hasn’t talked to him as often. He was worried he wouldn’t get a chance to make sure they were okay.
“Come here, sweetie,” I tell him, opening my arm.
Ben glances up and chokes back a sob. “Fuck… Brody.”
Without saying a word, Brody joins us on the bed, and for the next several minutes, I hold my boys, wishing I could make this better for them. I’ve never known what it’s like to lose someone I love. Both my parents abandoned me. And I’ve never had anyone else in my life close enough to miss, let alone mourn… until now.
I try to imagine what it would be like to lose Ben or Brody, but just the thought of it happening causes my heart to clench in my chest, knocking the oxygen from my lungs.
“I love you,” I murmur to them both, needing them to know. Watching how quickly Ben and Brody went from laughing at the beach to crying over Olivier makes me realize how uncertain life really is, and at any moment, those you love can be ripped away from you.
The next few days pass in a blur of emotional chaos. Ben gets lost in planning his dad’s funeral while Brody stays close to me. I try to be there for Ben, but the more I push, the more he pulls away. We sit together at the funeral, but afterward, he takes off on his own and doesn’t return until the next day. He doesn’t even notice I’m there, and he reeks of alcohol.
When I call him, asking if he wants to meet for lunch or dinner, he tells me he’s busy dealing with work. I go to the gym the following morning, but he doesn’t show up. And the next evening when Brody tells me that his dad never came home, I head over to his place to stay with him, explaining that his father is grieving and we just need to give him some time.
“Can I move in with you?” Brody asks one night after we’ve had dinner and are sitting at the table while he finishes his math homework.
“What?” I ask in confusion.
“When my dad leaves, can I move in with you?”
“Brody…” I cover my hand with his. “Your dad isn’t leaving. He’s grieving… But he’ll get through it. He just needs some time.”
He nods but doesn’t look like he believes me. “Okay, but if he leaves, can I move in with you? I don’t…” He swallows thickly. “I really don’t want to move back in with my mom and Ted.”
“It’s not going to come to that. I promise.”
Ben isn’t going anywhere… He said he wasn’t. He told me he loved me and wanted a future with me… He’s reconnected with his son… He wouldn’t leave after all that… Right?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Benjamin
One Month Later
“I don’t give a shit what it says! I need you to handle it, and—” My words are cut off by a knock followed by Savannah walking through the door.
“I could hear you yelling from the lobby,” she says, coming to stand next to me.