A chill swept over me as I realized I had been waiting for this moment for most of my life. Abby turned to look at me, concern written all over her face. I gave her a quick scowl in return. I didn’t want her pity. I shouldn’t have brought her. I wanted to send her away, but somehow I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
“So, Auntie Barbara,” I cleared my throat, “I’d like to hear the whole story if you’re ready to tell me now.”
“You’re very direct, aren’t you?” she said. “I guess that’s the American in you.”
“You’re not direct?”
“No.” She shook her head. “We’re not direct over here at all.”
“That’s not a good way to live,” I said. “You don’t get what you want if you’re not direct.”
“Aye, I suppose that’s true. You have your mother’s eyes, you know,” she said, looking at me. “You’re a handsome man, aren’t you?”
“You said I looked like my grandfather?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “You do.”
“Is my grandmother still alive?” I held my breath waiting for the answer.
She shook her head. “No, she died. Cancer.” She made a face. “Takes the best of us, you know?”
“Yes.” The disappointment was stronger than I could have imagined. I wasn’t sure why. I’d never even met the woman, but it saddened me. “And her husband?”
“No, he’s gone as well. Cancer as well,” she said. “It’s a horrible thing, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” I nodded.
“I just don’t understand how they haven’t found a cure for cancer yet,” she said. “All these people dying year after year after year. Still no cure. It’s sad. I miss my sister, you know. I miss her very much.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“She had photos of you, you know.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. When you were a wee one before your mother …” She sighed. “Well, you know.”
“Before she gave me up.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I’m sorry it happened. I know that doesn’t mean much. I’m not your mum and I’m not your dad and I’m not your nan, but we were sorry it happened, you know?”
“Yes, I … So, do you know why?”
“Your daddy wasn’t good. She met him over here, you know.”
“Who, my dad?”
“Yes. He was an American fellow. A Yankee. He was tall, blond, very handsome. He reminded me of James Dean. You know, that actor? But he was no James Dean. He was a scoundrel.” Her lined face grew dark. “I wish that me and your nan had stopped her, but we just couldn’t. She fell for him right away. I think they met at the pub.” She sipped on her scotch and leaned back. “I guess the story’s as simple as they come. Man and woman meet. Woman goes to be with man. It was easy back in those days to go to America. She went on a visa, and she was able to get, I guess, a green card very quickly, so she stayed with him. I think she thought they were going to get married, but she got pregnant. And once she got pregnant, he didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“I see,” I said. “But they stayed together?”
“I don’t really know what happened. She sent a picture after you were born, and we thought you were a very handsome boy. We got the sense she wasn’t doing well, and your nan told her to get rid of him. But these girls, they don’t like to listen. I guess your grandfather gave her an ultimatum. He said, ‘You either come home or we don’t talk to you again.’ And, of course, she chose not to come home. That’s why I say never give ultimatums because women, they don’t like to listen until it’s too late. And then she kind of disappeared. And I suppose she felt like she had nowhere else to go, so she gave you up.”
“Well, me and my brother.”
“I guess she didn’t tell your nan about your brother.” She made a face. “Don’t tell him I said that, though. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.”
“I won’t tell him.”
“She gave you up. She said it was for the better. She said she was going to leave him, but …” She paused and looked over at Abby. “I don’t really want to tell this part of the story, if I’m honest. I don’t want to break your heart even more.”
“Please,” I said. “I need to know.”
“She was going to give you up. I guess she went to your father. I think he was from a well-to-do family. I don’t know his name, though, in case you were wondering. And, well … she died.”
“What do you mean she died?”
“She died. I guess she decided that she didn’t want to give you up after all. She wanted your father to pay child support.” She looked nervous. “And I don’t really know the story that well but from what I heard, he pushed her down some steps, and she died. And the next thing we know, you were in the system, you and your brother.”
“And no one thought to come and look for us?”
“Your nan did try, but your father, well, he wouldn’t help, and the logistics of dealing with all the paperwork and legal issues from another country … We tried, but there was nothing we could do. We were too far away and we just didn’t have the money to see it through.” She sniffed, pulled a handkerchief from her purse, and dabbed at her eyes. “We regretted it. We regretted it a lot. I’m so sorry, Dylan. I’m so sorry.
“I pray every Sunday for forgiveness. Me and your nan, we used to pray every Sunday. We’d pray for you that you’d have a loving family that could take care of you and give you the life that you deserved. Did you have good parents, then?”
There was such hope in her eyes. I didn’t want to tell her that I hadn’t had parents, that we’d bounced from foster home to foster home. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want to tell her. Maybe I realized it wouldn’t serve any purpose. The past was the past and nothing could be changed.
I took a deep breath. “I did, thank you. They were really great parents. My brother and I were very lucky.” I took a sip of my water. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Abby looking at me questioningly. I shot her a look, warning her not to say anything.
“Oh, I’m glad. Thank you, Jesus.” Barbara put a hand on her heart. “I’m so glad you had happy parents. I can sleep a little bit better at night. Will we get to meet them?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Unfortunately not.”
“Well, you’ve got cousins, you know. You got a big family here, us McAllisters. I’d love for you to come over for Sunday lunch—if you’ll still be here, of course. How long will you be in town?”
“Unfortunately, we leave at the end of the week. I was here for business, you see, and I just happened to get a call that said that you might have information about my family.”
“I could always extend the flights, Mr. McAllister,” Abby said quickly.
“I have other business meetings in New York next week. You know that, Abby.” I shot her another warning look and hoped she would stay quiet.