She texts the photo and then eyes me again. “You should start working on making more allies. You will most definitely need all of them in the future.”
We settle into our stretches while discussing breakfast. I boss Jessica into letting me make pancakes for her.
“Also,” she says after agreeing to the pancakes, “I’m using your shower this morning. And you need to renovate that outdoor shower after you finish the indoor one.”
“We can plan that renovation today while we figure out what we want for the indoor bathroom.”
“I do recall telling you I didn’t want anything to do with that.”
“That was before you let me get my dick out.”
More rolling of her eyes. “Just because a woman fucks a man, doesn’t mean she wants to suddenly start planning renovations with him. Seriously, Jack, you have a lot to learn.”
“Baby, I’ve got nothing to learn except whether you still prefer me to make you scream in the same ways you used to or if you have new preferences.”
She shakes her head while giving me a look that says something like ‘you have no fucking idea’. She then walks past me, being sure to place her hand to my chest and letting it glide down my body as she moves away. “You should come with me and start learning,” she calls out.
Again, I don’t need to be told twice.
Jessica takes the day off. She gives me a blowjob in the shower after I make her come with my tongue, and then announces that she’s taking the entire weekend off. I celebrate by fucking her on the kitchen counter while making pancakes. We don’t end up eating pancakes for breakfast.
Thoroughly exhausted, she makes me sit with her on the couch and watch a movie I made a few years ago. I wasn’t lying when I told her I hadn’t watched one of my own movies in years, and I don’t particularly want to watch this one now. However, Jessica has a way of getting me to do things I don’t want to do but should do. At least with this, I’ve got her in my arms while I’m doing it.
“I love this movie,” she says as we near the three-quarter mark. She’s got her head in my lap. This is one of my favourite movie-watching positions of ours because Jessica isn’t the kind of woman who tends to snuggle or steal touches often. Out of the two of us, I’m the one who can’t get enough of my hands on her, so I fucking love it when she draws close like this.
I run my fingers through her hair as I look down at her. “It’s not a bad movie.”
She hits pause and shifts to a sitting position. “No, Jack, it’s more than not a bad movie. Tell me you can see that.”
“My therapist would love you.”
She arches her brows and waits silently for me to talk. I’m not getting out of this conversation.
“The script was tight, and the acting was exceptional from everyone but me. And I’m being completely honest when I say that.” I exhale a breath. “I wasn’t running at one hundred on that film. I was drinking more than I usually do on set and fucking shit up all over the place. The director spent more time pulling me up on shit than any director has ever had to.”
“Are you hating watching yourself?”
“Yeah,” I say slowly, admitting something to her that I haven’t said to anyone except Constance. “I don’t enjoy watching my movies because it’s a mirror to what was happening in my life at the time. I can avoid thinking about my drinking and my behaviour that stemmed from the drinking, and I can do that all day long if I want, but the minute I have to watch myself on screen, I can’t avoid it any longer. It’s right there for me to see.” I pause. “When I watch my movies, I want to do better. I want to be better. And until now, I haven’t figured out how to do that, so it’s always made me feel worse than I already did.”
“That makes sense,” she says slowly. “But I don’t see any of that when I watch you on the screen. I only notice your talent. How perfectly you execute body language. How exactly right you get tone. Your gestures, your expressions, your emotion. Your timing. It looks flawless, and you make it look like the easiest thing in the world.” She shifts closer to me, placing her hand on my thigh. “If that’s you at your worst, I can’t wait to see you at your best.”
“Fuck,” I growl, sliding my hand into her hair as my chest expands with a feeling I’ve only ever felt with her. It’s not just love, it’s so much more than that. Jessica makes me feel like I could take on the world, simply because she believes in me without reservation. “I love you.”
I bring her face to mine and try to kiss her, but she stops me with her hand to my chest. Her eyes fill with an intensity I can’t help but feel. She looks like she has something to say that she desperately wants me to hear. “I love you too, in a way I can’t even come close to understanding. In a way like I’ve never loved another person. But you can’t ever do what you did to me again. I need you to hear that. To know it like you’ve never known anything. If you ever do something like that again, there won’t be a third chance for us.” She grips my shirt and adds, “And I am still really fucking mad at you.”
My lips crash down onto hers and she lets them.
She lets me pull her onto my lap.
And she lets me kiss her so deeply and so completely that I take almost all the air from both our lungs.
“I am all in, baby,” I say when I finally end our kiss. “I won’t ever be looking for a third chance.” My eyes search hers. “I heard you when you asked how you could ever trust that I won’t make the same kind of choice again. I know I need to earn your trust back, and I want you to know I’m going to do that. Minute by minute, day by day, I will include you in all the important decisions I make. I’ll be honest when I’m struggling. I’ll tell you if I’m concerned I’m going to fuck up. And sweetheart, I wouldn’t expect you to not still be mad at me. You keep feeling that for as long as you need to, but don’t you ever stop letting me love you.”
Her body presses harder against mine, something I didn’t think possible.
She gives me her lips again, this time slowing our kiss right down.
It’s long, and she takes her time with it, expressing a million things without uttering a word.
By the time she’s finished with me, I’m hard as hell for her.
I’m also pulled further under her spell.
Jessica has no idea just how much my heart belongs to her. Those invisible threads between us are weaving themselves back together, and I have no intention of ever letting them separate again.
She loops her hands around my neck as her eyes find mine again. Grinding herself against my dick, she grumbles, “I also hate you sometimes. You make it really hard for me to stay mad at you.”
I can’t not grin. Not when she’s like this. “You wanna hate fuck me?”
“Jesus, Jack, my vagina needs a rest.”
Still grinning. “We’ll take a raincheck on the hate fuck. How about a picnic lunch down by the river?”
“Only so long as you keep your dick away from me.”
“I promise to keep it away from you until our shower tonight. I can’t make any promises after that.”