“But I don’t want to be with Tanner. I want to be with you. I know it’s confusing and people will get hurt, but we can figure it out. I know we can. That’s what you said all along. You made me believe it could work.”
Levi squeezed his eyes shut. He was quiet for a long time. Eventually he looked up and swallowed. “I don’t want to work it out, Presley.”
It felt like someone knocked the wind out of me.
Levi shook his head. “I’m sorry if I led you on and took things too far. I will be there for Alex—that, I promise. But you and me? It was never going to last. We live two very different lives, and I don’t want to be tied down while I’m on the road.”
My lips trembled. “I see.”
He looked down again. “I’m sorry, Presley. I really am.”
Levi stepped forward with his arms out, like he was going to console me. But no way could I let him do that. As it was, I was on the verge of breaking down. I just needed to get the hell out of here. So I put my hand on his chest and shoved to stop him. “Don’t. I’ll be fine.” I lifted my chin, even though tears were already dripping from it. “Goodbye, Levi.”
***
I had to put ice packs on my eyes the next morning to reduce the swelling enough so I could drive to pick up Alex. Last night had been brutal. I kept replaying the months Levi and I had shared over and over in my head to see what I’d missed. There must have been signs that things between us were only a fling to him, signs that I missed because of my growing feelings. People don’t just wake up one day and randomly decide a relationship isn’t worth fighting for. But no matter how hard I thought back and dissected our time together, I just couldn’t see what was coming.
And that scared the hell out of me. I’d been blindsided once before by love—by Tanner—and I’d thought I’d learned from that experience and grown as a woman. Falling for another man, only to be discarded like yesterday’s trash again, wasn’t just heartbreaking; it made me feel like a complete idiot.
Luckily, one of the benefits of being a mom was that you didn’t get much time to wallow in self-pity. The minute I picked up Alex from his friend’s house, he started rambling on and on about his Uncle Levi, and I had no choice but to suck it up.
“Grandma told me Uncle Levi’s team is retiring Grandpa’s football jersey this year. The whole family is going to a big ceremony in September. It’s in Denver, so Uncle Levi will be there, too. Do you think we can go with them, Mom? Grandma said we could if you said it was okay.”
“I’m not sure, sweetie. Things might be busy here. Why don’t we talk about it when it gets closer.”
“It’s in fifty-one days. I looked it up. I’m going to ask Uncle Levi about it this morning.”
I didn’t have the heart or the energy to tell Alex his uncle likely wouldn’t want us to come visit. So instead, I just nodded and forced a smile.
“Next summer, do you think Uncle Levi will come back to The Palm? Maybe he could help coach my summer camp.”
It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. “I’m not sure what Uncle Levi will have planned for next summer. That’s almost a year away.”
“Three-hundred-and-forty-three days.”
My real smile couldn’t help but peek out. I reached over and mussed my son’s hair. “Someone found a calendar.”
When we pulled up at the inn, Tanner was sitting outside on the swing with his coffee. I hadn’t come out of my room after talking to Levi last night to see if Tanner had installed it once he got back from the wild goose chase I’d sent him on.
He stood as we approached. “What’s up, killer?” He held a fist out to Alex and the two bumped. “How was your night? You didn’t sneak out of Kyle’s house to meet up with girls and smoke cigarettes and drink whiskey, did you?”
Alex laughed. “Girls are gross, Dad.”
Tanner winked at me. “Just girls? Not booze and smokes?”
“Daaad…you’re so not even funny.”
Tanner chuckled. He nodded toward the house. “Why don’t you go inside and get washed up for breakfast? I picked up chocolate chips when I was at the supermarket last night so I could make us double chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I’m gonna start making them in a few because I have to drive Uncle Levi to the airport this morning.”
“Okay!”
Tanner looked at me after Alex ran into the house. “How do you like your swing?”
“It looks great. Thanks for doing that.”
“I knocked on your door last night to tell you it was done, but you didn’t answer.”
“I guess I conked out pretty early.”
Tanner nodded. He seemed to study my face for a minute. “You okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
He held my eyes. “You look a little swollen…like you’ve been crying or something.”
I looked away. “My allergies are just bad. Actually, I’m going to take a shower right now. The hot water and steam usually do a lot to help my sinuses.”
“Make it quick. I’m making those chocolate chip pancakes for all of us. They’re not just our boy’s favorite, they’re my big bro’s favorite, too.”
I tried in earnest not to frown, but gravity had my lips reaching for the floor. “I’m not really hungry. So don’t wait for me to eat.” I walked toward the door and looked back. “Thanks again for hanging the swing.”
Tanner winked. “My pleasure, sweetheart.”
***
Today it was apparently my turn to stay in my room. I guess maybe it was only fair considering Levi had done it all day yesterday. I’d seen his flight paperwork on the kitchen table when I’d grabbed coffee earlier, so I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before he would be heading to the airport. It was going to kill me not to say goodbye, but I couldn’t imagine how I could do that in front of everyone without bursting into tears. We’d made it this far without Tanner knowing anything had happened between us, so there was no reason to blow it now with an overly emotional goodbye. I just needed to keep to myself for a little while longer, and then it would all be over.
Well, it wouldn’t be over. Not in my heart anyway. Because you can’t just flip a switch and turn love off. But at least the risk of Tanner finding out would be minimal once Levi was gone.
I sat in my room and counted down the minutes with my heart ricocheting in my chest. Then my bedroom door suddenly burst open.
I jumped up from where I sat on the bed, and my hand covered my heart. “Alex, you scared the wits out of me! Remember our rule? We knock on any closed door, especially here at the inn.”
“Sorry, Mom. I just wanted to ask if it was okay if I went with Dad to drop Uncle Levi at the airport. Dad said I had to check with you to make sure you didn’t have anything else going on.”
I sighed. “That’s fine. Go ahead.”
Just like Tanner had done earlier, my son searched my face before his little one wrinkled. “Are you okay, Mommy?”
I smiled sadly. I hated lying to my son, even when it was for his own good. “I’m fine, honey. My allergies are just bothering me.”