“Yeah, I know the feeling.”
Surprised that he’d gone there, she took a deep breath. They hadn’t talked about what had happened between them, indeed hadn’t been sure if they ever would. But she knew she owed him an apology. “James, about—”
“What was on your list?” he cut her off to ask.
“What?”
“You said you doubted that divorce was on Harry’s Christmas list. How about you? What’s on yours?”
She paused, thrown by a question that she actually hadn’t given a second’s thought to. “I . . . I don’t know.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged. “I guess I’ve been so worried about this, and also underwater at work, building a case that’s due to go before a judge in a few days, that I haven’t even had time to think about the holidays, much less what I’d wish for.”
His eyes were on hers, unreadable now, as she braced for the age-old argument between them: she worked too hard, never took the time to live her life. And while that was all true, she didn’t want to fight with him. “James . . .”
He held up a finger and disappeared down the ladder.
Okay, so that’d gone pretty much as she’d expected. With a sigh, she sat on the platform, hugged her knees, and stared through the open slats of wood railing. The day was getting warmer and more humid now, each swell of the sea lit from the sun, the whitecaps sparkling like strings of twinkly infinity lights, so beautiful it took her breath away. As far as she could see there was nothing but wide-open ocean and an endless bright blue sky.
There were certainly worse places to find herself in the dead of winter. But even that didn’t help all the butterflies flapping loose and fancy-free in her gut.
“Here.”
James had reappeared without a sound, crouching at her side, holding something out to her in a closed fist.
She stared at his hand. “What is it?”
“A Christmas present.”
“Oh.” She shook her head. “But . . . I didn’t—I didn’t know you’d be here.”
He opened his hand, palm up, revealing an exquisite anklet with dainty blue stone charms woven onto the delicate silver chain.
Recognizing it immediately, she sucked in a breath. The stone was Larimar, a rare blue variety of the mineral pectolite, unique to the region. The last time she’d been here, she’d seen it on one of the islands and it had been all she’d wanted for Christmas that year. But neither of her parents had remembered.
Clearly James had. She stared at it, her throat thick, unsure what this meant.
“Maybe this will help get you into the holiday spirit,” James said quietly.
She lifted her gaze from the anklet. “I thought you said you didn’t know I was coming.”
“I didn’t. I saw it in a market in the Dominican Republic a few years back. I was going to give it to Harry to pass on to you.” He reached over and pulled her bare foot into his lap. Then he unhooked the anklet, carefully wrapped it around her ankle, and resecured it, the feel of his warm, calloused fingers on her skin giving her a shiver.
He looked up. “Cold?”
“No,” she whispered, beyond touched. “James, I didn’t get you anything.”
His gaze fell to her lips and he smiled. “Well, I’ve been mentally working up quite the list. It’s pretty extensive.”
She gave a shocked laugh and watched as his gaze fell to her mouth. Around them, the air was thick with regrets, longing for what had once been, and the fear of getting hurt. “James, I can’t—”
“I know.”
She stared down at the pretty anklet against her skin. “About that year and what happened between us . . .”
He shook his head. “Not talking about it.”
“But—”
He set a gentle finger on her lips. “I’m still struggling with the fact that I’m back here on this boat without Jason.” He closed his eyes for a long beat. “I’m not . . . I’m not steady enough for more today.”
It felt like a knife twisted in her heart. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”
James drew a deep breath. “You can leave the past in the past.”
Just then a voice came over the loudspeaker.
“Morning, cruisers, this is your captain speaking. All guests please join me on the aft deck immediately.” After a pause, the voice went on: “This means you, Smalls and WK!”
Hannah sighed and eyed James, still crouched at her side, easily balanced on the balls of his feet. “Do you think he’s going to interrupt every conversation we try to have?”
“It’s your dad. So yeah, probably.”
Hannah found another laugh in her, and apparently James did too, and as she soaked up the sight of his quick smile, she had to remind herself not to even think about falling for him again. Been there, done that, and it had been more than enough heartbreak for a lifetime.
Chapter Four
JAMES HELD out a hand to Hannah and tugged her up, and okay, maybe into him just a little bit. But hell, no one had ever accused him of being smart when it came to matters of the heart. Even so, for that brief moment when she was off-balance and against him, his world stopped spinning.
And he’d like to think that little hitch in her breath meant she felt the same. Which was bad because that meant that neither of them was thinking straight, always dangerous when it came to dealing with Hannah.
She cleared her throat. “James . . .”
“Captain called,” he said, and gestured for her to climb down first. Not, it should be noted, because he was a gentleman, but because if he had to watch her ass for that agonizing thirty-second climb down as he had on the way up, he wasn’t sure he could keep his hands to himself.
They found Harry waiting on the aft deck, Santa hat firmly in place on top of his head, hands on hips.
“Dad?” Hannah moved to him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, which is a damn good thing. If it’d been a fire or some other emergency, you’d both be toast. Need to put a hitch in your giddyup, kiddos. The day’s a-wasting.”
Hannah blinked. “What are you talking about?”
Harry gestured dramatically behind him, where for the first time James realized they were within sight of the small private island that had been their Day Two stop on every trip he’d ever made on this ship. The island belonged to a friend of Harry’s, who allowed him to use it for his guests to play on. James and his family had spent a lot of time on that tiny little oasis of sand and bluffs, his mom and dad sitting on the shoreline reading or snoozing, or just watching James and Jason and Hannah go full-out in competitive spirit at whatever they’d been up to. They’d snorkeled here, played Nerf football on the beach, climbed palm trees, and raced to the top of the bluffs to jump into the water far below . . .
So many adventures, and all of them had not only shaped James’s childhood but had also fueled him to want more adventures from such an early age. It was the reason he’d finally, a year after Jason’s death, started his own expedition company. He and a select group of people he’d hired worked as travel guides, taking groups out on adventures, specializing in high-end extreme vacations.