For the first time, he looked taken aback. For the first time, in all the years she’d known him, other than that time she’d fallen off the horse, she thought she might see fear in his eyes.
“Although that’s the real issue, isn’t it? You need to piss me off because you know I could push you. You know that if I wanted it, I could get it. From you. So you have to dismiss me, and talk about being a virgin, and talk about how I don’t know anything. Because if I wanted to lose it with you, I could, couldn’t I?”
Fear and adrenaline rushed through her in equal measure, and she felt like she was on some wild trajectory that she could no longer control. Because she’d found a way to poke at him. She found a way to feel like she had the upper hand, but it was like playing with matches near a tank of gasoline, and she well knew it. It might explode on her at any minute. And she could feel that. She could. But she couldn’t stop herself from pushing, either.
“Be careful.”
“I’m right,” she said. “Oh, I’m right. You’re afraid of me. Because you’re afraid I’ll push you, and you might want me, but you also don’t.”
“It’s for your own good. Trust me.” He reached out and grabbed her chin. “Callie, I can sleep with a woman and never think of it again. If you wanted to play around for a bit, I could do play with you. And I could walk around with you any time after and forget it happened. Sex is common. It’s cheap. Our friendship, that’s not cheap. That’s real.”
“I don’t see how one cancels the other out,” she said, not sure why she was pushing. “We just vowed to be friends forever, didn’t we?”
“I could walk away,” he repeated. “And pretend nothing happened. You couldn’t, though, Cal. That’s the thing. I know well enough to know that. That’s the real reason I avoid the barrel racers and the rodeo queens. It’s not because it would be complicated for me. It’s because it would be complicated for them. In terms of women I speak to, women I associate with, there’s more of them that I’ve slept with than not. You’re the only one I have this with. So sure, I want you. Sure. I could be the guy to take your virginity. I’d do a good job. I’d make you understand what all the fuss was about. And then when we were done, we’d be done. For me. For you, I don’t think it would be that simple. So I’m protecting you.”
“So you get to be an asshole?” she said, enraged now. “And pretend that you’re doing it for my own good?”
“It is. Trust me.”
“You came out here. You pushed me. You touched me. You made us have to talk about this. And now you just... You’re gonna push me and act like I’m a stupid kid? You’re going to act like I’m the one that caused the problem? Well, don’t get worried about me begging you for sex. I think I’m turned off permanently. Thanks for the awakening, and for the permanent deep-freezing of my libido one sentence later.”
She pushed past him and stomped into the house. And she didn’t stop moving until she was reasonably certain he hadn’t followed her. She went into the bedroom, slammed the door and locked it for good measure. She had kissed him. And he had made her tremble. It had made her cry. And all for what? It wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it. She hated this. This... Whatever it was that had taken their friendship and twisted it into something sharp and mean. That had taken one of the most important people in her life and made him an adversary.
And they were driving to her parents’ house tomorrow, and they were going to have to pretend to be a couple. A few weeks ago, that had seemed easy. But now...
Now she didn’t even know if they could pretend to be friends.
And the trouble was, she had gone and married the man.
For the first time, she seriously doubted her plans. Because for the first time, Callie Carson doubted absolutely everything she’d ever thought she’d known about the world and herself.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE NEXT MORNING he got up early to do the chores, and did his best to push aside the events of the night before. He’d been an absolute asshole, it couldn’t be denied.
He wasn’t even looking to deny it, not really, but he would like to forget that the entire thing had happened. She’d kissed him. And then she’d taunted him, and the real problem was that she’d been right.
If she pushed him, he wouldn’t be able to deny her. If she tried to seduce him he wouldn’t be able to say no, and nothing that he said about her lack of experience or skill would amount to a whole hill of beans. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn’t particularly know.
In his world, attraction and feelings were two separate things. He felt attraction to Cal. But he also cared about her. And those two things were a whole canyon that there was no crossing with him. What he’d said to her was true. He would have no problem exploring the attraction between them and going back to the way things were. It was her that he worried about. And rightly so.
Whether she thought that or not. He was the one with the experience.
And when he’d been young and stupid, and out all on his own without Ryder hanging around to talk about morals and ways to treat a lady and whatever other things his cousin had said when he’d been trying his best to father-figure an angry teenager only one year younger than him... Jake had burst into the rodeo and felt...well, free. Eighteen and with so much anger to burn that it turned into alcohol and a voracious sex drive once he’d been on his own.
He’d slept with every pretty cowgirl who’d winked at him and had made a really awkward situation for himself right at first. He’d broken hearts he hadn’t meant to break and he’d had to see those women frequently after, and they’d acted like it was something he was doing to them personally when none of it had felt personal to him at all.
Either way, he was in need of the punishing workout that came with that morning’s chores. And in need of some distance from Callie, considering the two of them were going to spend a few hours in the cab of the truck together today. His words from last night came back sharp and clear. About making sure the ride was full of awkward silence. Yeah. Felt good to get in her face like that last night. To pour out some of the frustration that had been churning inside of him for months. It was a lot less fun today now that he was facing down that car ride.
He was already heading back to the house by around 7:30 a.m. when the front door opened. Callie’s duffel bag exited first, making a loud thunk on the wood planks.
He’d thrown all his stuff in his truck earlier in the day.
He was grateful now, because he didn’t want to walk up onto that porch and past the snarling bobcat that he had a feeling was about to make her way out.
* * *
CAL’S APPEARANCE A moment later confirmed his bobcat hypothesis. She had a black cowboy hat pushed low on her head, her hair back in a messy braid, and she looked red-cheeked and sweaty. Which was not a good sign for this hour of the day.