“I’m very sorry, Xari,” Noah murmured, kneeling beside me when my legs gave out, and I went to the ground, hard.
“This can’t be happening,” I whispered past the quivering of my lips.
“We will bring Xavier to the estate so that he can be buried with your mother,” Micah said softly, touching my hair to comfort me.
How had he gone from helping the fae attack us to being dead? Had he been an unwilling accomplice? Had they crossed him somehow? I couldn’t put the pieces together. Nothing about any of these deaths made sense. Micah helped me up and directed me toward a dark SUV. My head swam with denial, and my emotions were too much to handle.
Tears endlessly rushed down my cheeks, and I wanted to scream and refuse to believe that it had been my father inside that room. They’d butchered him like an animal to the slaughter. A strangled sob slipped free, filling the car as Onyx and Kaderyn crawled into the backseat. They both held my sobbing, trembling form.
Nothing would ever be good again. I wouldn’t be okay until I found those responsible and showed them what true savagery looked like as they took their last breath. The vehicle started forward, and my mind switched from a grieving daughter to a ruthless hunter. I blinked slowly, wiping away the tears, staring at the startling beautiful sky as it gave way to clouds, threatening to unleash the storm I felt churning within me.
Chapter Thirty
They say when you suppress grief, that you deny the truth to keep your soul from breaking. I had never believed that could be true because I hadn’t experienced it before. I’d seen hunters mourning their loved ones, and I’d felt the loss with them. It was different, though, when death sought those you cared about, destroying you in the process.
That kind of pain numbed everything around you, muting your emotions and thoughts. I was living in a fog. Nodding and agreeing to plans about the service for my father and those we’d lost in the attack. I made a few suggestions and pointed out things he’d have liked as his dutiful daughter. I looked composed from the outside, but my insides were broken.
When I’d learned that my birth had caused my mother’s death, I’d been wounded. I had to live with the knowledge that if she hadn’t had me, she would still be alive. It couldn’t be changed, and I could do nothing about it. That was a sad fact. My mom had died so that I could live. It was the ultimate sacrifice, and her first and last act of love as my mother.
My dad lived his life protecting those who couldn’t do it themselves. He’d chosen to live by the sword, and he’d died by it, too. As hunters, we knew it would happen, eventually. One hunt went wrong, or a bullet stuck in the changer could mean the difference between life and death. But what had been done to him was on a different level. It had been a personal kill.
The retrieval team had placed his corpse and the pieces they could find into a body bag. Bali had tried to sew everything back together, but at my request, he’d stopped. It didn’t matter how he was buried, as long as he was honored, and given his last rites.
I’d left the compound earlier in the day, needing to escape the events surrounding me. I was exhausted hearing the hunters express their regrets and condolences. There was only so much that could be said before you wanted to throw down and knock their teeth from their mouths. Saying sorry didn’t take away the visceral pain of the loss. It didn’t make those left behind feel any better or keep you from remembering that your loved ones were never coming back.
I peered around me, staring absently at where I’d ended up. Kieran’s estate loomed before me, calling to me. Slowly, I walked toward the gates, pushing the buzzer. After a moment, a guard answered by opening the fence, glaring at me with a look of intrigue.
“He wasn’t expecting you.” He didn’t bother to ask why I’d shown up here.
I felt like laughing at the absurdity of me coming to the home of this psychopathic playboy. In the last twenty-four hours, he’d called my phone a hundred times. I’d ignored every one of the calls. Kieran had sent me text messages, one after another, asking what was going on, and then all at once, he’d stopped. Why? Because he’d figured out what had happened and had probably decided that I was dysfunctional. Kieran most likely had anticipated that I would come here, and knew I didn’t need his encouragement to show up today.
Entering the large courtyard, I retraced my steps from my first visit to his office. Once inside, the door was closed, and I silently looked around, wondering why I had shown up to see him. Why run to the one being that was insane, even if he called to me? Kieran wouldn’t tell me he was sorry. That much was a given. He wouldn’t pretend to care that his people had brutalized Xavier.
I knew why they had murdered my dad. He was protecting his secret, and in doing so, he kept me hidden from the fae. Xavier died so I could be free from the treachery that surrounded their kind. They were a savage breed that enjoyed destroying anything that threatened them. Half-breeds had been a blemish to their race, an ugly secret they’d enjoyed creating, but hadn’t wanted us to tarnish their bloodlines.
We were the result of their lust skulking out of the Otherworld and flowing into this one. The results of them fucking humans and making what they considered to be impure bastards. Now we were the one thing that could save them, and they no longer needed the elemental my father had stolen. In the long run, he’d still paid the price for infringing upon them.
The office door opened, but I didn’t turn around. I could smell the enticing scent uniquely belonging to Kieran. His dark undertones of masculinity called to the monster within me as he entered the room.
Kieran’s lips brushed my neck, and his hands grabbed mine, placing them on the desk where I’d rested. He didn’t speak, but then I wasn’t here for words. I needed to forget the pain consuming me. I wanted to feel him instead of the debilitating emotions ripping me apart.
His fingertips danced over my shoulder, slowly pulling the spaghetti straps of my blouse over it. His heated kiss teased my skin, and his teeth nipped the curve as he cupped my throat, pushing his other hand through my hair, moving it away from my neck.
Kieran pulled against the thin camisole, freeing my heavy breasts to slide his fingertips over the jeweled nipple. A soft whimper escaped my lips as he twisted the barbell. Then, gently, he turned me around, peering at the tears that slowly trailed down my face. His jaw flexed, and something akin to regret danced in his pretty, dark, violet gaze.
He lifted me, sitting me on top of the desk as he settled between my thighs. Softly, his lips touched mine, brushing them teasingly. He raised his hand, wiping my tears from my cheeks before kissing the trail they’d taken.
“Given everything that has happened, I didn’t think you would come to me,” he whispered huskily, slowly dragging his mouth over my collarbone.
“I want the pain to go away, if only for a moment,” I admitted softly, my voice thick with emotion. His forehead rested on my shoulder, and then he pulled back, searching my gaze.
“Fuck it,” he snorted, grabbing my jaw roughly before his mouth collided violently with mine.
Kieran kissed me like I was his last meal, devouring me with hunger. His tongue tangled with my own, capturing and fighting me for the dominance he craved to hold over me. His free hand slid up my spine, twisting his fingers in my hair before yanking my head back, hard. Then, exposing my neck, he traced his heated mouth over my delicate skin, sucking against the rapidly beating pulse he discovered there.