I fought the tears that pricked my eyes and the emotions closing off my throat, while my father studied me as if waiting for me to curse him, or worse. A sinking feeling entered my stomach the longer he stared at me. Sliding my gaze to Kieran, he shuffled his feet, looking at anything but me as if wanting to be anywhere but here right now.
“What aren’t you telling us?” I asked carefully, hating the emotional sensation threatening to make me cry like a bitch.
“Nyla didn’t give birth naturally. We had to remove my son from her body and breathe life back into his premature lungs,” Xavier stated, and I tilted my head, frowning.
“You mean daughter. I don’t have a dick. I better not have a dick.”
“I can vouch that you don’t, Xar,” Micah snorted, but the comment didn’t ease any of the tension in the room.
In fact, it was smothering with the intensity that hung thick in the air. My dad swallowed audibly, tearing his gaze from me. My stomach churned, and my palms began to sweat when he failed to correct his statement.
“Your mother was my mistress, Xariana. Noah is the son that Nyla gave to me.” He lowered his eyes to the floor before pulling them back to where I stood. I waited for him to say he was joking or that this was a sick, twisted prank, but the words were never spoken.
“Excuse me?” I asked, slowly fighting to control the confusion that burned through my mind as I tried to fit the puzzle pieces together.
“What the fuck? You’re telling me that my whole life has been a lie?” Noah sneered.
“Xari’s mother was a half-breed servant that I’d rescued, and we had a brief affair before I met Nyla, my true mate. She was among the first group of women I brought to this world.” Xavier’s attention swung between Noah and me. His expression was firm, but his eyes looked sad.
“Sandra was a gentle soul, and she understood the cost of what I’d created with the guild. Sacrifices had to be made. Until you were both born, we didn’t know at the time that only a full-blooded fae child could carry the missing element. We couldn’t let the fae know that Nyla and I had produced a son. If they had discovered that Noah existed, especially since the sun element chose him as its host, they’d have attacked endlessly. The fae would have come for Noah, and once they had him, they could invade this world on a level, unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.”
“Xariana is my sister?” Noah dropped my hand and took a step back.
“Yes, half-sister,” Xavier clarified, glancing at me.
“I’m going to be sick.” Noah covered his mouth, turning to stare at me with wide eyes. “Fuck.”
Blinking slowly, I saw him go pale. His posture went stiff, and Micah snorted, laughing coldly.
“She doesn’t know, asshole.” Micah’s tone was filled with mirth, and I turned to look at him. “Noah is in love with you, Xariana. He’s always been in love with you.”
“Shut up,” I stated, barely able to grapple with the fact that the man that raised me had been lying to me since the day I was born. My attention moved back to Noah, trying to find the similarities between us, but his horrified expression caused my hackles to rise. “Fuck. I saw you naked!” I blurted, and his face heated with embarrassment. “Oh—that’s fucked up.” It came out so low that I wasn’t certain anyone else had heard it until Kieran snorted.
“That was why I had Micah spelled and placed with you.” Micah’s laughter ended abruptly, and he glared at my dad as if seeing him for the first time. Xavier looked at him unapologetically and then turned back to me. “Micah was a diversion meant to keep you and Noah separated so that situations like this—,” he waved his hand between Noah and me, “wouldn’t happen.” As he said the words, something inside me slid into place. I held his gaze as tears filled my eyes.
“Noah and I were born only days apart. His birthday is one week after mine. You raised us together, but only I carry the marks that make it clear to anyone paying attention that I am fae.”
Xavier nodded, flinching when he noticed the tears roll down my face. He didn’t look away, but the pain in his expression ripped me apart.
“Sandra agreed not to claim you so that we could use you to shield Noah from the fae. No one other than Nyla knew Sandra carried my child. Noah had to be protected at all costs. You weren’t royalty. You were just the offspring of a girl I used one night to slake my eternal hunger. We concluded that you would be the child I openly claimed, while raising Noah as an orphan beside you. Since you were only three-quarters fae, you still carried a lot of the traits and outward appearance of a full-blooded fae, and what you lacked, we altered to make it look like we were trying to hide your heritage. The same witch that spelled Micah, placed a strong glamour on Noah, making him appear as if he were part hellhound and incubus demon. I’m the only one that can remove it.”
“I was bait.” I could barely look at him, fighting against the turmoil churning through me, eating me alive.
“I’m sorry, Xariana. It made sense to use you. We only had two fae babes born that year. I didn’t have a choice.” His tone pleaded for me to understand their logic.
“So, if the fae came looking, they would have taken me, thereby keeping your son safe and sound. You never hid me from view. In fact, you fucking paraded me around, showing me off. In reality, you didn’t want or care about me. You hoped the fae would take me instead of Noah, because I am nothing to you.”
“Noah is the heir to the Day Court and holds the element of the sun.” We all looked at Noah, who was sitting silently, dumbfounded.
“And I am your fucking daughter,” I spat, barely squeezing the words past my emotions, choking them off. “One only good enough to be thrown away, apparently?”
“It didn’t end up like that, Kid.”
“Don’t call me that, asshole,” I hissed through the bile burning my throat. “Were my ears naturally pointed?” I asked, seeing the truth of it in his eyes.
“It had to look real to the fae watching us,” he stated, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“You fucking tortured me three times a year so that they could watch? You cut the ends of my fucking ears off and filed my teeth. I was a child that was held down and put through fucking hell because of you. Who the fuck are you? I don’t even know you.”
“You know me, Xariana. I raised you to be strong. I made certain you could withstand the tests the fae would put you through. I couldn’t undo what I’d started, once I’d announced a female heir had been born to the Day Court, but I made damn sure you were trained and immune to iron. You weren’t supposed to steal my heart, Kid. I looked into your eyes, and I hated myself for what I was about to do, but if I didn’t, and they took your brother, they would have sent armies to this world, and they wouldn’t stop until everything was destroyed.”
“Ask me if I care, Xavier.” I stepped back, and Micah cleared his throat.
“You spelled me to love your daughter?” he asked, causing my father’s gaze to slide to him.
I’d been raised believing I’d killed my mother, when, in fact, she’d thrown me away. I’d allowed the body modifications to be done, thinking it was hiding me from the fae. But actually, I didn’t need them at all.