“Bullshit. That’s an excuse, a cop-out.” My heart is racing. No, it’s thundering in my chest, similar to the storm that’s going on in my head. I can’t lose her. Fuck, I won’t lose her. There’s got to be another solution. Maybe she can get a job with the new team too, but then that moves her from her family as well.
“I can’t let you get traded and moved away from your mom. You two are close, and you’re all she has. I can’t let that happen.”
“No. What you can’t let happen is you walking away from me. That’s what you can’t let happen.” I beat my fist against my chest, over my heart that I swear feels as though it could stop beating at any moment. “You’re right fucking here, Paisley. You own every inch of me, and living without you doesn’t work for me.”
“It’s the only way,” she says, her tears causing her to choke on her words.
I drop to my knees in front of her, where she still sits on the couch. “Listen to me.” My hands cradle her face. “I love you. Not just for today, and not just for a little while. It’s a soul-deep lifetime kind of love. Whatever happens, we can make this work.” I’m pleading with her.
She shakes her head as more tears fall. “It’s the only way. If the Blaze is talking about trading you for this, all the other teams will feel the same way. You’ve worked your entire life for this. Busted your ass to get where you are. I won’t let you lose your dream for me.”
“You are my fucking dream!” I yell, and she flinches. I drop my head in her lap, trying to get my temper in check. She’s not fucking listening to me, and I don’t know how to make her understand that I don’t give a fuck about my career. I have a degree to fall back on. She’s all I care about.
“Cameron.” Her voice is soft. Broken. I lift my head to look at her. “I love you. I will always love you, but we can’t do this anymore. There is no other option.”
“That’s not true. Fight, dammit. You and me, that’s all that matters.”
“I wish it were that simple. You have to think about your mom and all that you’ve worked for.”
“Don’t do this,” I plead. I can see the resolve in her eyes. She’s convinced this is the only way. “I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it.” I’m not just being dramatic here. I know what life before Paisley is like, and I never want to go back.
“My heart is breaking too,” she says sadly, calmer than she’s been since Willow opened the door to their condo hours ago. “I’m not just breaking your heart, Cameron. I’m breaking my own too. There just isn’t another way.”
“So that’s it then?” I climb back to my feet and stalk across the room. “Just like that, we’re over?”
She doesn’t answer, so I turn to look at her. She’s standing now too. Her body is shaking from her tears, from her pain. “Y-Yes,” she croaks.
“Fuck!” I roar, slamming my fist into the wall.
“I’m sorry. You’ll see. Once you calm down, you’ll see that this is the best way. The only way.”
“I’ll never see that us not being together is the best way. Never.” Hot tears prick my eyes. Slamming my eyes close, I fight off the tears that threaten to fall. When I open them again, she’s standing toe-to-toe with me.
Going up on her toes, she kisses the corner of my mouth. “I’ll always love you,” she says as she falls back to her feet and turns to leave.
Reaching out, I grab her wrist and pull her back to me. I wrap my arms around her and lose my battle with my tears. “Please don’t do this.”
“I-I’m sorry. It’s the only way,” she says, pulling out of my arms. This time I let her go, defeated. When the door slams, telling me that she’s gone, I fall to my knees, bending over and slamming my fists against the floor. Tumbling back against the wall, I bury my face in my hands and let the tears fall.
What the fuck just happened? How did things turn from bad to worse? How in the hell am I going to live without her? How will I be able to play for the Blaze when I know they’re the reason she left me? My mind races with how to fix this. How can I make this right? What do I have to do to prove to her that I need her? How do I convince her that there has to be another way?
Chapter 27
Paisley
I stumbled home yesterday, barely able to see through my tears. Willow jumped off the couch and held me. She guided me to my room, and that’s where we are now. She slept in here with me. I had to pretend to be asleep in order for her to finally fall, but I didn’t sleep a wink. I’ve been up all night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Cameron and all the time we’ve spent together.
A sob catches in my throat as I stare out my bedroom window, watching as the sun rises, taking away the darkness of night. Too bad the sun can’t take the darkness of my heart with it as well.
I’ve played yesterday over and over in my mind. From the conversation I overheard to my decision to end things with the only man I will ever love. I love him too much to let him give up his dream. I know both our hearts are breaking right now, but with time, it will get better. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.
“Did you sleep at all?” Willow asks, covering a yawn.
“No.”
“Hungry?” she asks.
“No.”
“Come on, Paisley. You have to eat something.”
“Not hungry.”
“Well, tough shit. I’m going to make some coffee, and you have to at least eat some toast or something.”
“Fine,” I concede. I know my best friend, and she won’t let it go until she sees me eat something.
“Coffee in five,” she says, climbing out of my bed and leaving my room.
All I want to do is stay here and wallow in my pain, but I know I can’t do that. I can’t let the pain take over because it will consume me. Who am I kidding? It’s already consuming me. I miss him, and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.
Tossing off the covers, I force myself to get out of bed. I brush my teeth and wash my face. Not that it helps. My eyes are red and swollen from my crying. In my heart, I know I made the right decision. Prolonging it for a long-distance relationship that would have been doomed to fail, that would have taken Cameron away from his mom. I did the right thing.
I plan to keep telling myself that over and over, and maybe I’ll believe it.
I made the right choice.
For Cameron.
For Grace.
For his career.
I made the right choice.
“Paisley?” Willow knocks on my bedroom door just as I’m coming out of my bathroom. I open the door, and she gives me a sad smile. “Come on, coffee and toast are waiting for you.” I let her link her arm with mine and lead me to the couch. I sit, and she hands me a cup of coffee and a small plate with two pieces of buttered toast.
I’m midsip when there’s a loud banging on the door. “Paisley,” Cameron calls out. “Baby, open the door,” he pleads.
His voice sounds broken. Lost.
“I know you’re in there. Please, open the door.” He bangs again, and I don’t even bother to hide the tears that fall. “I love you, Paisley. I’m going to fix this. This is not the end for us,” he calls through the door. “I love you,” he says again, his voice cracking.