“It’s so steep we need a ladder?” Her voice rose in pitch. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
“I can.” Jay stretched out beside her. “You’re doing it because you are a kind and generous person and because you like me.”
Zara’s gaze slid over to him, noting the smug expression. “You’re okay.”
“I’m more than okay or you wouldn’t be here.” He rolled to one side, propping up his head on his hand. “People with barely used hiking boots don’t go on hikes with people they just think are ‘okay.’ ”
“Fine.” She heaved a sigh. “I like you.”
“You more than like me.” He scooted over until he was only inches away, his voice darkly teasing.
“Are you attempting to cross-examine something out of me?” She pushed herself up on her elbows. “Because I am a cross-examination master and I can see through your tricks.”
“Is it a trick to admit a truth?” he asked softly. “I more than like you.”
Zara’s pulse kicked up a notch and she jumped to her feet. “Break time is over. Let’s get some more miles under our boots. The peak is waiting!”
“That’s what Sven Helfenstein said when we were climbing Everest.” Faroz caught up to them, his arm around a suspiciously disheveled Parvati. “Poor bastard didn’t make it to the top. I don’t use that phrase anymore because it’s a bad omen.”
“I don’t believe half the things you say,” Zara snapped, irritated that Jay had to make an already-challenging day worse by saying nice things and sharing his feelings.
“That hurts,” Faroz said. “Just because you choose not to see what’s in front of you doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”
“I liked you better when you were sleeping on my couch in the office.” She stomped away. “You didn’t talk as much.”
An hour later they reached the peak. Zara stood in the open grass, taking in the stunning view of the ocean and surrounding hillside. With the sun warm on her shoulders, a gentle ocean breeze cooling her sweat-soaked skin, and the subtle spicy-and-earthy scent of redwood in the air, she felt her pain and anger fade away.
“This is beautiful.” She turned a full circle, taking it all in. “You do feel like you’re at the top of the world. I take back all the mean things I said, as well as the swear words, curses, grumbles, moans, and a few unkind thoughts.”
“I finally have service.” Parvati held up her phone. “Good thing I wasn’t on call today.”
Jay put his arms around Zara, hugging her from behind. “The climb isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.”
Zara leaned against him. So solid. So strong. So safe. She couldn’t imagine not having him in her life. Maybe she did more than like him. What would happen if she said the words out loud?
“Jay?”
“Just a second.” He released her and pulled out his phone. “I’m getting a lot of messages. It must be an emergency.”
His face paled when he looked at the screen. He stalked over to the edge of the cliff to make a call and was back a few minutes later. “There was a motor-vehicle accident. Mom and Rick are in the hospital. They’ve been badly hurt.”
* * *
• • •
Jay was barely aware of the hike down the mountain or the trip out of the park in his SUV. With Faroz at the wheel—Zara had refused to let Jay drive—and Parvati on the phone with her contacts trying to get more information about the accident, there was little he could do but worry. The accident hadn’t happened on Rick’s bike, as he’d initially feared, but in his mother’s car at an intersection that she passed through every day. A pickup truck had blown through a red light, T-boning her car and sending it into a spin. Both she and Rick were in surgery, but their status was unknown.
Zara sat beside him and held his hand. He was grateful for her comfort, grateful for her friends who were there to support him, grateful that she had taken charge of the situation so he could focus on getting a handle on his emotions. He couldn’t lose his mother. She was all the family he had.
Forty-five minutes later, Faroz dropped them off outside the ER. Jay had everything under control until he reached the hospital door. A cold chill swept through his body. Fear froze him in place.
“Jay?” Zara tugged his hand. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”
His heart pounded so hard he thought it would break a rib. Flashes of noises and images burst into his mind, stealing his breath away. A deafening crack. Flames. Twisted metal. Blood and falling bodies. Nausea gripped his belly and the world shifted beneath his feet.
“Jay!” Zara’s voice was further away but sharp with concern.
Sweat beaded on his forehead and his stomach clenched with a violent pain that took his breath away. He braced himself with a shaking hand on the brick wall and tried not to give in to the black haze creeping in the sides of his vision. Terror. Panic. Screaming— God, the screaming.
“Jay? Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Gentle hands cupped his face, cool and soothing, but she couldn’t take his pain away.
He felt like he was choking, had to force out the words. “Just. Need. A. Minute.”
“Parvati!” Zara’s shout echoed around them, bouncing off the wall, the awning, the pavement under his feet. “Something’s wrong with Jay.”
Hands on his arms. Fingers on the pulse of his neck, his wrist. Dark eyes blinking up at him. A hazy face.
“Looks like a panic attack.” Calm voice. Cool tone. Confident. “You said he was in the air force. It might be PTSD. Help him to the bench.”
Panic? He didn’t panic. He had been trained not to panic. He had banished the panic along with the memories of the helicopter going down.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to stand tall, pushed the fear back inside, back to the land of nightmares. His mother was in there and she needed him. He was no use to her standing outside. “I’m good.” He shrugged off the hands, resisted the pull of the bench and the oblivion that waited if he didn’t get a handle on this right now. Closing his eyes, he locked it down using the sheer power of his will.
“I think you should sit down.” Zara tugged his hand.
“I said I’m fine,” he barked. “You don’t need to be here. Just go.” Civility was a luxury he couldn’t afford when it was taking all his effort to stay in control, to fight the horror of the past and the fear of losing his mom, of being finally and utterly alone. Body and mind on the edge, he couldn’t handle emotion right now, especially not the complicated emotional tangle that was Zara Patel.