I couldn’t take it any longer.
His words were killing me, but his touch was destroying me.
I abruptly turned around, faintly pushing him away. His eyes told me he wanted to say so much, though nothing came out.
“We can’t do this anymore, Christian. Last night shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t our beginning. It was our ending.”
“You’re so full of shit, and you know it.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. Nothing has changed. I can’t give you children.”
“We can adopt, or we can get a surrogate. We can still be a family.”
“I can’t do that to you. Please … try to understand. I’m just trying to do the right thing. I can’t have you resenting me more than you already do.”
“That’s not true.”
“You know it is. I’ve spent the last ten years thinking about that night and what I did to us.”
“Kinley, I asked you to marry me that night too.”
“I know.” I nodded. “But we were young and thought our love would prevail.”
“It still can. All you have to do is walk out of this building with me and never look back.”
I immediately saw it, his eyes glazed over, and his pupils dilated. He leaned over again, caging me in with his arms to rest his forehead on mine.
“Where’s my girl, huh?” He pulled the hair away from my face, staring intently into my eyes.
That did it to me every time.
There was so much emotion behind his gaze. I knew they mirrored mine.
At this point, there was no need for words—we’d said them all.
He grabbed my face in between his hands, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. Pulling me close to his body, he held me in his arms, and we stayed like that for I didn’t know how long.
I was the first to break the silence. “Our lawyers are inside. They’re waiting for us. We’ve already spent thousands of dollars and months to get here, Christian.”
“It doesn’t mean shit to me, Kinley.” With trembling lips, he added, “All I want is you. I love you. I fucking love you,” against my lips.
“I know.” I held onto his wrists. “I love you too. But sometimes, love just isn’t enough.”
He pulled me into his arms again, wrapping his body around my small frame. It still made me feel so safe, protected, like nothing could ever happen to me if I was in his secure embrace. Moments later, we cried in each other’s arms, mourning everything we ever had together.
Our past.
Our present.
Our love.
For the family I couldn’t give him.
And the future we’d never have.
I was gasping, hyperventilating, trying to breathe, trying to move, trying to find the will to walk into that building and sign those papers.
When all of a sudden, he pecked my lips, kissing me for the last time. There was something absolutely devastating about the way his mouth claimed mine.
It was slow.
Torturous.
Each caress of his tongue, push and pull of his lips, was killing me in the process.
The sun started to fall behind the horizon of the hills. Darkness settled upon us. My mouth began quivering, physically feeling his agony and the damage I was causing him. Forever making me fucking hate myself for what we were about to do.
But I had to be strong.
For him…
He deserved that much.
My face frowned as he pecked my lips one last time. There was something about knowing this was the last time I’d feel his mouth, his touch, his breath, his skin, his scent.
Him.
That truly felt like the end of my life and everything I’d ever wanted.
“I’m so sorry, Christian. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He nodded, stepping back while we looked at one another.
In the blink of an eye, his eyes turned cold, detached, violent. “You want this, then you lead the fucking way.”
I grabbed my face, feeling like I was suffocating. I didn’t want this. I swear I didn’t want this, but what other choice did I have? I was doing this for him. After all these years, it was my turn to be his savior. I stood there, desperately trying to catch my bearings, composing myself as best as I could before placing one foot in front of the other and walking into that building.
For the next hour, I blanked out.
It felt as if I was having an out of body experience.
I was there but I wasn’t.
Cognitive dissonance saved my life more times than I cared to remember. I just never imagined my defensive instincts would protect me from him. I came to when I heard him slam his pen on the conference table, realizing that my stare had been glued to the document in front of him the whole time.
His signature was now below mine.
Bright.
Bold.
Standing at attention.
It’s over. Your marriage is over.
At the end of our love story, all Christian said to me was…
“I hope you’re fucking happy. You got what you wanted.”
With that, he turned and left me there.
Alone.
Shattered.
Once again, the broken girl he couldn’t save from herself.
Chapter 16
Christian
Then
“Congratulations! We’re so proud of you guys! Just one more picture!” Mom celebrated, much to my annoyance, but I played nice for her.
We had just graduated from high school, so it was the least I could do.
“Honey,” Dad reasoned. “You have like three hundred pictures already.”
Julian and I nodded in agreement.
“I know, but our babies are growing up.”
“Oh, honey…” Dad pulled her into a tight hug.
Kinley beamed, looking at my parents adoringly. I knew she admired their marriage. She loved being around them any chance she could get.
“Mom,” Autumn chimed in, standing next to fucking Jax. “If you take any more pictures, we’re not going to make it to lunch, and I’m starving.”
Of course, he was there with us.
The worst part was, my parents actually liked him. My mom thought he was sweet and lonely, and she basically invited him to all our family functions which I couldn’t do anything about.
He made Kinley happy, and at the end of the day, that was all that mattered to me.
“Okay, okay,” Mom surrendered. “Just a few more of Christian and Kinley.”
I smiled and threw my arm around my girl as I tugged her toward me.
“Smile. Oh, come on, Christian, smile!”
“I am smiling,” I griped, unable to take much more, my face fucking hurt from smiling so much.
“You guys look so nice! Now give her a kiss!”
I did.
“Christian!” Mom chastised. “There are children around! Don’t grab her butt!”
Kinley giggled, pulling away from me.
“Great, are we done now?”
“Yes, my impatient son.”
Thank fuck.
“You’re going to thank me when you have these amazing photos to look back on one day. You’re just like your father. You have the most beautiful smile too. You used to love pictures as a child. I don’t understand what happened.”