“Sparrow,” I whispered, not knowing where to begin.
“I can see it in your eyes that you don’t want to let me go, but you’re going to have to. I’m going to get hurt sometimes. It’s my job to protect others, which means I get to stand in front of someone else’s bullet. But if I do my job well enough, that bullet will never come. But I need to keep my mind in the game. I need to focus, and while I know that what we have could be good, I can’t let it keep distracting me. So, it doesn’t matter that I’ve fallen in love with you. I need to focus on Nix and exactly how I can protect my team.”
I nearly staggered back at her words, and her eyes widened as if she hadn’t even realized she had said them.
“Breck,” she said, and I cut her off.
“You love me,” I muttered.
“You’re right. I do. I’m not going to lie to you. I never have. But I have a job to do, and you need to let me do it.”
I looked at her then, and I knew I would never be able to hold her back. No amount of words or actions would do it. And the thing was, I didn’t want to. Doing that would change who she was and hurt her irrevocably.
And I couldn’t be the person who did that to her.
But I also didn’t know who else I could be.
And so I moved forward, watched her as she watched me, and I lowered my mouth to hers. I brushed my lips along hers, the chasm in my heart deepening with each caress.
“I love you,” I whispered.
Her eyes softened, and then I took a step back.
“I love you,” I repeated. “But I can’t watch you kill yourself.”
And then I turned on my heel and walked away from the love of my life.
I had watched others die before, had nearly lost my sister and so many others.
And I couldn’t lose her that way.
Even if I knew I was destined to be shattered in the end.
Chapter 17
Breck
Parting is anything but sweet sorrow.
* * *
I’d closed my door when I’d come into work. The act of doing so had sent pitying looks throughout my team. I only closed my door for important meetings or when my brother stopped by and acted the king he was.
Doing so today meant I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but they already knew. My team had seen the pain and anger etched on my face even if I hadn’t let anyone in on the secret. How were they supposed to know that I’d told the first and only woman I’d ever loved that I was so in love with her I couldn’t be with her? They only saw parts of me, just like my family saw different parts, and the rest of the world and the women I’d fucked in my past saw the other slices of myself that I’d hidden away.
I’d let myself feel. I’d let myself open up to someone else, and look what it got me. Nothing but the shattered remains of my dignity and a cold slap in the face.
I might be the idiot for walking away or letting anything happen in the first place, but now I couldn’t change my decisions. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
There was a soft tap on the door, and I looked up to see Jaye rocking from foot to foot. I did my best to school my features and not act like the ass I knew I was. I was their boss, their team leader. They didn’t need to see me break down or scream and shout at the injustices of the world. They already knew them in their own ways.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but there are a few documents you need to sign before the weekend.” She walked into my office carefully, as if I were a bomb about to explode, and I held back a sigh. She’d had that pitying glance for me when I’d first walked into the office, and I hadn’t missed it. She’d hidden it quickly enough, but I knew she felt sorry for me—even if she didn’t know all of the details behind it. No one did. Hell, I wasn’t sure even if I did.
“You’re not my admin, Jaye. Why are you dealing with paperwork? Where’s Jason?”
Jaye sighed. “He went home with a toothache. He’s now in the middle of a root canal with Alden’s finest dentist.”
I cringed. “Ouch. You all should have told me.”
She gave me a look, and I sighed. “Just sign these. They are the preliminaries for the discussion if we’re selling the new slice of the business or not.”
I frowned as I looked over them. “I read these yesterday. Did I not sign them?” I looked up at her sigh. “I guess not. I seem to be dropping the ball all over the place. Okay, I’ll look through these again and get them sent out. And I’ll forward Jason’s desk to mine and deal with the admin. You’ve all been working too hard to start taking more of his job on top of it.”
Jaye shook her head, her dark hair falling over her face. “You work longer hours than any of us, plus you have your royal duties. We can all share the burden.”
“Just send it over,” I gritted out, then forced myself to calm down. “I have more time these days and don’t mind the work. I’ll get it done so Jason can rest.” She met my gaze and I wanted to curse myself for adding that part.
Hell.
“Whatever you say, boss. Just… Just let me know if there’s anything I can do.” She paused and I looked up at her. “Olly and I have another meeting later, too. For the thing. If you want to know.”
I set my jaw. “Thanks, Jaye. You and Olly do good work.” At my tone she gave me another of those pitying looks, then slowly left my office, closing the door behind her.
I had work to do, code to write, and empires to sell. I didn’t have time to wallow in my own demise. I’d been the one to put myself in this situation, and now I needed to deal with the consequences.
Even if every time I closed my eyes, I saw Sparrow’s face.
And every time I took that next breath, I remembered almost losing her.
And then…I remembered that I’d walked away, losing her in the end anyway.
Sparrow
* * *
My heart thumping, I ran through the palace grounds. Hell, I barely let my car slide into park before I’d thrown the door open, bolting my way to Wilder’s office.
I ran through the main courtyard and skidded, almost missing my exit point.
In thirty seconds, I was at his door, banging wildly.
The low baritone sounded annoyed as he called out, “Open.”
Breathless and panting, I shoved the door open and his brows immediately drew down. “Sparrow? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t just call you. I had to show you.”
I handed him over my phone. The text from the unknown number.
He frowned down at it. “What?”
I took my phone back and then scrolled to the right messages.
“That. ‘If you won’t do as I say, your new beloved home is going to get a facelift.’”
Wild cocked his head. “Who’s this from?”
“I think it’s from Nix. He’s the one who sent men after me. He’s the one.”
“Okay, Nix. You and Kannon helped his wife, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Breck told me about it. Okay, so what does he mean by a facelift?”