“In May? Sure. But I don’t think I’ll be comfortable with being away from the doctors at that point.”
I tensed some. “Speaking of, baby, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?”
“I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
She stilled. “Because of me?”
“Well, in part. I know you want a big family, sweetheart, but your body doesn’t agree.” I kissed her temple. “I think two will be enough, don’t you?”
She was quiet for so long that I thought she was working herself into a rage, but her voice was rougher than I liked as she whispered, “I do want a big family.”
“I know you do, baby.” It was why I hadn’t gone through with the procedure just yet.
I’d known she was pregnant before she had. The dates of her period were in my calendar at work, for Christ’s sake. But I knew from experience not to bring it up, so my getting the pregnancy test as a Christmas gift had come as a genuine surprise.
We’d lost two babies before Jake, and each time, she hadn’t told me until the miscarriage had happened and I’d found her in tears.
I knew what she wanted, but that just wasn’t in the cards for us. Biologically, anyway.
While I hated not being able to give her the world, two losses and two gains weren’t odds I appreciated.
It was time to take any and all risks away.
“I don’t want Jake to be like us,” she whispered.
“And he won’t be, will he?” I murmured, carefully stroking her shoulders as I continued, “Not only will he have us, but he’ll have Buster in there.”
A surprised laugh escaped her. “Buster?”
I shrugged. “What else should we call him or her?”
“Buster’s a boy’s name.”
Snorting, I told her, “It’s non-binary.”
“I’ll remember to tell that to Aidan Sr. at Sunday dinner,” she teased.
“Please do.” I chuckled. “I like watching Shay slice into him. Remember when he explained what cis-gender is?”
“I saw a couple of Senior's remaining dark hairs turn gray after that discussion. I’m still not sure why he finds it so complicated.”
“Because he’s a simple man. And I mean that in the broadest sense.”
Her lips twitched as she peered at me. “Well, Shay will bring him into the twenty-first century.”
“God help him,” I drawled.
Her amusement died as she looked at me, and in the firelight, her expression was a mixture of somber and loving. I hated to see the somber, though I knew I was the reason for it.
“Thank you for letting me try, Finn,” she whispered.
“I want to give you the fucking world, baby,” I said gruffly. “It kills me that I can’t give you the big family you want, but I need to look after you—”
“You always look after me,” she retorted staunchly.
“Yeah, well, this is my way of keeping up with that.” I trailed my finger along her cheekbone.
“Thank you for not going behind my back, Finn.”
She wasn’t to know that I did nothing behind her back. I was keeping enough from her, and the least I could do was be candid with her on everything else.
Aoife tucked her face against my side, and as we stared into the fire, I knew we were both thinking about what we should have had, but what life had taken from us.
I’d apologized a thousand times for what had happened on our wedding day, but this was my true punishment. Not giving the woman who was my life the one, simple thing her man should give her—the large family she wanted.
She suffered for my sins, and I had to live with that every goddamn day.
Ten
Aoife
I smiled when a hand moved around my face and settled over my eyes. Reaching up, I cupped the wrist and asked, "Who's that?"
Finn laughed. "I hope you don't mean that."
Grinning, I murmured, "Oh, it's you. Not my other husband.” I popped up onto my tiptoes, snatched his wrist and lowered it so I could kiss where his pulse beat when he grumbled at my reply. "Didn't expect you home so early."
"You weren't supposed to. This is what's known as a surprise."
"A surprise?"
A ping sounded at the elevator. "Who's that?"
The doors whirred open as he answered, "Aela."
I arched a brow. "What's she doing here?"
I didn't mind, of course. I liked my sister-in-law, but the kitchen had been hit by a chocolate bomb from a day's worth of developing a new brownie recipe.
My desire for my bakery to go insta-famous had yet to be reached, but I persevered.
With the kitchen crazy, I didn't really want guests—even if they were family—seeing my process which was messy as hell.
"She's going to look after Jake for us."
"Why?" I twisted to peer up at him. "We're here," I told him, stating the obvious.
"Not for long. It's time I took you out."
"Is that wise?"
Since Dad's call, I had an extra pair of guards when I left the penthouse.
"We're going downstairs, sweetheart. It's an elevator ride away."
"Verdi?" I guessed.
"I know you've been itching to try their Chicken in Brioche."
Disappointment hit me. "You need to order in advance."
He winked. "I did."
"Look at you, being all organized. I’m surprised you remembered I want to visit that one.” Managing my excitement, however, I said, "You're tired, though. We can stay here. You can relax."
He smiled at me. "I'll relax when I see you in what I bought you."
My eyes narrowed. "Ahh, so this is a gift for both of us?"
"Sure is. We Five Pointers never do anything without a game plan in mind, and looking at you in that dress..." He whistled. "There's no other way I'd like to spend my evening."
My cheeks heated with his words.
"Sweetheart?" he prompted, apparently wondering why I was standing there staring at him.
"Sorry, I was just thinking." I reached up and ran my fingers along his chin. “You’re too gorgeous not to stare at.”
I liked saying stuff like that because it always made his ears turn pink at the tips.
Not that he’d admit it.
Grinning when his ears flushed, I tweaked the lobe of one. "I love you."
The warmth in his eyes was everything. He told me he loved me there first, silently, before rasping, "I love you too, Aoife." He dropped his chin and pressed a kiss to my temple. “You’re the gorgeous one.”
His hands settled on my stomach, which was flat for the moment, but his gaze roamed over my face, to my wild hair, and then to the mess I’d made with the flour I could feel dusting my cheeks and the cocoa that was undoubtedly sprinkled all over my clothes. The most wicked of grins creased his lips as he took me in.
With Aela’s footsteps and a hollered, “Aoife, you in the kitchen, babe?” in the background, Finn whispered in my ear, “I’d fuck you hard against that counter if I hadn’t made plans, baby. Show you how tired I’m not where your pussy’s concerned. Lick you up like you’re the cookie dough—”