I could hear him.
He needed me.
As I tried to force myself to stir, to find out what the matter was, I heard Jen muttering something under her breath, and Jake stopped sobbing like his heart was breaking.
The waves of pitch black started coming in thick and fast as I smelled him—that sweet scent that was the baby cologne I sprayed him with and baby wipes—and I knew she’d brought him to me. Something that was confirmed as he started playing with my hair.
As he tugged on it hard enough to hurt, a moan escaped my lips.
Pain lashed at me with barbs that dug into my flesh and, eyelashes fluttering, I slurred, “Probably…call—Finn,” and that was the last thing I remembered.
Thirty
Finn
I’d done a lot of shit in my life.
A lot of shit that would undoubtedly see me spend an eternity in hell if hell even existed, but why was it my wife who paid for my sins?
As I sat outside the hospital room where she was being treated, Aidan’s hand remained on my shoulder as more of a physical restraint than comfort as I kept trying and failing in not losing my shit.
Jake was asleep, thank Christ, resting in Jen’s arms even though he didn’t particularly want to be there. I kept jumping up whenever a doctor came barging into the waiting area, praying that the news was for me, so I figured he preferred sleeping on her rather than on me.
I knew what a wild animal felt like when it had been caged because within these halls, my wife was without protection.
She was being treated by doctors I didn’t know, being aided by nurses my crew hadn’t approved.
She was in danger in more ways than one and there was jackshit I could do to protect her.
The keys in my pocket jangled every time I tapped my heel against the floor, and my knuckles were aching from how hard I was gripping my hands, trying to stop myself from strangling the next fucking doctor who came in here without any news.
“Conor’s on his way.”
I blinked at Aidan’s words, twisted to look at him and saw he was reading a message on his phone. “He’s finished?”
“Scanning the hospital staff for any enemies?” Aidan’s mouth firmed. “Yeah. He wouldn’t be coming if there was a problem.”
Well, that came as a fucking relief.
“He’s certain?”
“It’s Conor,” Aidan groused. “When ain’t he certain?”
Nodding, I muttered, “True.”
Aidan squeezed my shoulder. “She’ll come out all right, bro. You know she will.”
I didn’t know dick.
“Why is it that since we’ve been together, she’s been hospitalized three times and I haven’t even had to go to the doctor for chest pains?”
“Do you have chest pains?”
I scowled at him. “No. That’s the point. I’m the one who lives the high-risk, high-stress life, and she’s the one who bakes fucking brownies for a living and—” I released a breath as I reached up and rubbed my eyes.
I could feel Jen’s glower, felt it like her eyeballs were goddamn lasers, but I couldn’t look at her right now.
Couldn’t look at the judgment and have confirmation that I’d failed my wife.
Again.
“The first time was… well, I mean, that wasn’t like we asked for it.”
No. It fucking wasn’t.
Tension crept along the back of my neck and had me clenching my jaw as I thought about Callum motherfucking O’Reilly and how he’d set us up on my goddamn wedding day.
It was his fault she’d been hurt.
His fault.
I was glad the fucker was dead.
If I could get my hands around his throat here and now, I’d have strangled him again and again.
“Aoife’s problems stem from those injuries, Aidan. Dipshit.” Jen’s voice was low enough that it wouldn’t disturb Jake, but bitter enough that I felt each word like a poisoned lance to the gut.
“They do,” I confirmed, rubbing my brow. “Goddamnit, when are we going to get any news?”
“There must have been complications from the miscarriage,” Jen whispered, less sass in her tone now, more fear.
That I could fucking understand.
Christ, the guilt… I wanted to beat the shit out of Callum, but really, the person who deserved the beating was me.
I’d done this.
I’d put Aoife under so much strain that she’d lost our baby.
Bursting onto my feet, I started pacing, back and forth, and no one stopped me. I stayed pacing for another hour as my brothers and their wives drifted in, as Aidan Sr. and Lena did too.
She kept her eyes downcast but everyone was smart enough not to approach me.
As the waiting room filled up, I felt their presence though.
This was my family.
My fucking kin.
“When are we getting some goddamn news?” Senior grunted after another half-hour’s silence from the staff.
I heard his question and felt his temper and was glad for it. So fucking glad.
That was on my behalf. On my wife’s behalf.
My father cared.
Maybe it was a fucked-up kind of care, but I’d take it. Especially when he picked up his phone and started dialing.
“Calling the administrator isn’t going to make them speed up, Da,” Conor pointed out.
Senior glowered at Kid. “I just want them to realize that they’re dealing with a VIP.”
“If they didn’t realize that already when we walked in, Da, they’re fucking morons,” Bren grumbled, his arm tightening around Camille’s waist.
“Maybe they’re fucking morons, then. They ain’t given us jack shit for answers since we got here, and Junior said they didn’t hear nothing for a good forty minutes before that.”
“Calm down, Da,” Eoghan intoned, but he jolted when, outside, a gurney squeaked its way down the hall. Inessa shot him a look and pressed a hand to his lap.
Eoghan’s fingers tightened in hers as Senior spat, “We should have had her sent to one of our hospitals. At least there she’d have gotten the gold star treatment.”
I winced at the idea of Aoife waking up in a goddamn warehouse like the one Declan had been treated in last year, surrounded by plastic sheeting in a makeshift ICU.
“James, good to talk to you,” Senior boomed, loud enough to make even a deaf person flinch. “I wanted you to know that my daughter-in-law’s being treated—” His eyes narrowed. “Yeah, Aoife O’Grady. No one could forget a name like that. Heard about her, have you?” There was a pause. “Then why the fuck haven’t we heard anything for over an hour?
“I think you should remember who you fucking owe, James, and get your goddamn surgeons or doctors or whoever the fuck is treating my daughter-in-law, and you get them to tell us what’s going on.”
A second later, he cut the call, and I rasped, “Thank you.”
Senior shook his head. “We all want answers, son.”
Jaw clenching, I turned away and started to move over to the window in the waiting room, but Jake had stirred at Senior’s call so I walked over to Jen and hauled him into my arms. He nestled against me, almost immediately falling back to sleep.