I blink, torn between addressing the serial-killer thing and Axel’s seeming inability to refrain from stroking his own ego in public. “Umm—”
“You’re strapped for cash and desperate. You could be waiting for my eyes to close so you can steal him.” His voice cracks. “And I’d have let you walk right out the door with my baby all because I was tired.”
Whoa.
And then, like he didn’t just suggest I might be a kidnapper, killer, or possibly into the infant organ trade, he leans in with pleading eyes. “No one is going to let me keep my son if they find out. Children’s Services are going to show up. They’re going to see I don’t know what the fuck I’m—”
I smush my fingers against his mouth.
Holy shiznit, this guy is going off the rails, fast. “Stop.”
He does. In fact, it almost feels like he’s swaying into my hand.
Jerking it away, I wipe my fingers on my jeans. He doesn’t even notice. But then again, he’s waiting for me to steal his child, or to fight off Children’s Services himself. So, bigger fish to fry and all that.
“Axel. Umm… how long has it been since you slept, exactly?”
He gulps, shakes out his head, then does some finger math that has me deeply concerned and, ultimately, proves too complicated. “Friday morning. I got up at six.”
“You haven’t slept since before he was born?” That chill whisper I was going for ramps toward shrill. “That’s going on sixty hours.”
I hug Otto closer, praying Axel doesn’t try to take him from me. Maybe I can let him hold him if he sits down. On the floor. I still don’t know what the deal with that couch is.
“I—I can’t sleep. What if he needs something? What if he’s sick?”
I nod. What if I’m a serial killer?
Time to turn this bus around. Step one, show the crazy man I’m on his side.
“But see, you’re not a bad father at all. You totally thought about the risks before you went to sleep and not after you woke up. Give yourself some credit. That’s really good.” Step two, reassure him. “Though even if you hadn’t, I’d still be here, and Otto would be safe.”
He isn’t convinced.
Step three, give him a reasonable plan. “Axel, I know you’re nervous. But you have to get some rest or it won’t be safe for you to hold Otto. And he needs you.”
Oh no. Those eyes are getting really shiny. I glance around for my keys and wallet, wondering if letting him hang on to them tonight might be enough, but then I see something better.
Chapter 4
Axel
I wake with a start, jerking upright and looking around in confusion until I remember and—
Jesus.
“If that’s how you wake up every day, the whole no-girlfriend thing makes way more sense.” Nora’s sitting in the chair by the window, and it’s practically swallowing her whole. She’s got Otto tucked into the crook of her arm, his bottle nearly drained.
I take a deep breath and shake my head. Something seems off, but I’m too foggy to figure out what. I’m by the front door, on the floor, but not on the floor.
“Is this your futon?” I don’t even remember dragging it over. Because yeah. That’s what I did. Parked her little convertible bed and my big-ass body in front of the door so the only way Nora could leave would be to go through me.
Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck. She’s going to quit.
“Yeah, not quite your size, but by the time we hit the blockade-the-door-with-your-body part of the program, whether your feet hung over the edge didn’t seem super important. And hey, you finally got some Zs.”
And now I know what’s wrong. There’s sunlight streaming in through the windows that were dark last time I looked. Which means I hired this chick to help with my baby and then went comatose on her. For… Shit, I don’t have my phone on me.
“How long was I out?”
“Almost fifteen hours. And before you get yourself all spun up again, I’ve been taking care of Otto. He’s perfect. And you needed the rest. You probably need more.”
Flashes of last night come back to me, and I wonder if there’s enough money in my bank account to get her to stay.
“Look, umm, Nora. I don’t actually think you’re—”
“A serial killer?” she offers casually, like she isn’t twisting the knife. “Cult member looking for a human sacrifice?”
“Yeah, that.”
“Mmm.”
“Sorry.” She’ll never let me live it down.
“Don’t sweat it. But so you don’t flip the next time you miss a nap, Diane said you could call her as a reference. She’s actually my mom’s second cousin. It’s how I got my job with her.”
My head jerks up and promptly starts to pound. “You’re not going to bail?”
“Shockingly, no.”
She really needs this job.
My body aches in a way I’m not used to as I shove to my feet and walk to where she’s sitting with my son. Otto’s done with his bottle and zonked.
Nora, on the other hand, looks hyper-alert as she watches me. “Want to burp him?”
“Yeah. If that’s okay.” I want to hold him, feel him in my arms, and remind myself this is real.
I take him carefully from Nora, resting him against my shoulder. His body tenses, then, after a few gentle taps of my fingers at the center of his back, he lets out a tiny burp.
“Nice work,” she offers with a smile that’s more for my son than for me. “Look at you, getting the hang of this baby thing.”
She has no idea what those words mean to me. If she did, no way would she have said them. “You think?”
“You’re a natural.”
“Good. Because I don’t think I can put this off any longer.”
She raises a brow. “A shower? Go for it. I’ve never actually seen your hair look like—”
“I was going to say telling my family.” I pinch my shirt, pulling it up to take a whiff. Compared to what I smell like after a game, this is nothing. “But maybe I’ll be able to sell the whole has-it-all-together thing better if I clean up first.”
Nora
Axel’s mom didn’t have an opening in her schedule at the university until this afternoon, so we finished going through the deliveries this morning. Pretty obvious which ones were ordered before Otto— hello, bulk order of Shake Weights and box of “Participation Medals” with a few of his teammates’ names on them —and which came after.
Axel spent a couple hours returning calls, though I think the number of people who actually know about Otto is very small and only out of necessity for things like insurance and beneficiaries. He wants to talk to his family before word leaks and they find out some other way.
When three rolls around, Axel has tidied up a section of his living room that will be on camera, and I’ve got Otto ready in a smart blue outfit with a puppy on the hat.
Watching other people with their families is always weird to me, and Axel with his is no exception. Standing off camera, I peek at the screen.