The idea had less than zero appeal, but I tried to smile and nod. “That would be nice. Thanks.”
Thursday evening, I called Ellie while I was packing. After going over some details for the wine tasting, I told her I was seeing Dex and the girls on Sunday.
“You are?” She sighed. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“The kids asked to see me! How could I say no?”
“I guess you couldn’t. I saw him the other day.”
I gasped. “Where?”
“The dentist, of all places. In the waiting room. He was there with the kids.”
“How did he look?”
“Grumpier than usual.”
“Did he recognize you? Say hello?”
“He gave me a grunt and a nod.”
I smiled sadly. “Sounds about right.”
“So you’re meeting for coffee?”
“Yeah.” I stared at the clothing in my closet. “Sandra says to wear something amazing.”
“Do it. Make him crazy.”
“But it’s cold there, right? I don’t think I own any make-him-crazy sweaters and jeans. He used to like the skimpy stuff.”
“You know what? It’s not the clothes, Win. It’s you. It won’t matter what you wear. Show up and just be yourself—that’s who he fell in love with, right?”
“I guess.” I pulled a dresser drawer open and took out the white sweater I’d been wearing the last time I saw him. It was soft and cozy and oversized—I wore it when I wanted to hide from the world, not when I wanted to set it on fire.
But I folded it up and tucked it into my suitcase. It wasn’t tight or revealing or the slightest bit sexy, but it was comfortable and warm, and I felt like me in it.
If plain old me wasn’t enough for him, there was nothing I could do about it.
Twenty-Seven
Dex
Friday afternoon, I pulled into the complex parking lot and noticed an unfamiliar car in Winnie’s driveway. At first, I assumed it was the real estate agent or maybe someone looking at the place, but then I saw Winnie herself come out the front door and check the mailbox.
My breath caught, and my heart hammered in my chest. My foot slammed on the gas, my tires screeching as I swerved into my driveway. I didn’t even pull into the garage, and I nearly forgot to turn off the engine as I jumped out and ran for her front porch.
Her eyes went wide as I raced up the steps, and she backed up against the door, hugging the mail to her chest. “Dex. Hi.”
“Hi.” Breathless, full of pent-up feelings for her, my entire body vibrated with the need to touch her. My hands twitched at my sides. “Did you just get in?”
“Yes.” Her eyes glanced at the strange car in her driveway. “I borrowed my mom’s car to run by and grab the mail and just, um, check on things here.”
I nodded, although I barely heard a word she said. She was so fucking beautiful. It had only been two weeks since I’d seen her, but it felt like she’d been gone for a year. How had I forgotten the midnight blue of her eyes or the gold in her hair or the way her cheeks grew pink when she looked at me?
Her thick black lashes lowered as she studied our feet. “Did you just come from the gym?”
I glanced down at my running shoes. “Yeah. I had a couple private coaching sessions.”
“How’s that going?”
“Good.” But I didn’t want to talk about that. I didn’t really want to talk about anything—I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. Would she shove me right off this porch? Or would she kiss me back?
When she looked up at me, I nearly lost it and put my mouth on hers. Her lips fell open, and I swayed forward.
“I should go,” she said, breaking the spell. “I’ll see you Sunday.” Then she zipped past me without so much as bumping my elbow.
What the hell? Were we strangers now? How could she be so cool when I was losing my mind?
“Winnie, wait.” I jumped off the porch and chased after her, catching her arm halfway down the walk.
“What?” She pulled her arm from my grasp but turned to face me. “I—I’m running late. I have to meet Ellie.”
I struggled for words. Shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “Can I see you later tonight?”
She shook her head. “No, Dex.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m trying to move on from you. And spending time alone with you after dark won’t help.”
“But I’ve missed you.” It was torture to keep myself from embracing her. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Her eyes filled, and she blinked back tears. “But the answer is still no.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” I said angrily. “You were the one who told me not to fall in love with you. You said no love, no happily ever after, and no Frostys.”
“I know.” Her shoulders rose and her tears fell. “I wasn’t supposed to love you either, Dex. I thought I could be with you and guard my heart, but suddenly I looked and it was gone. Same old story.”
“No.” I took her by the shoulders. “I am not those other guys. You don’t get it. If I was younger, if I thought I could offer you any kind of future, I would.”
“So what exactly are you offering me right now?” She laughed bitterly. “A night? A weekend? A quickie?”
“I don’t know,” I said desperately. “I just know I can’t see you and not want to be with you. I told you I loved you, Winnie. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.” Wrenching free from my arms, she took a step back. “I want more than that. I want someone who isn’t afraid to take a chance on a future with me. I want someone who doesn’t hide behind excuses. And I want the fucking Frostys.”
I couldn’t argue with her. But I couldn’t bring myself to take the chance she was asking for either.
When I said nothing, she rushed to her mom’s car, jumped in, and took off.
Frustrated, I glared at her taillights and stood there a full two minutes after she left.
Then I stomped over to my car like an angry toddler, got in, and slammed the door. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and breathed hard through my nose. I felt like what I wanted was right in front of me, but I couldn’t reach it. It was like fucking Freddie Purrcury in my dream—just when I was close enough to reach him, he hopped to the next branch.
“Fucking women and cats,” I muttered, opening the garage and pulling in. “They’re impossible.”
I spent another restless night staring at my ceiling, burying my head beneath my pillow, and trying not to think about the fact just a few weeks ago, she’d been right here next to me. I missed her with an ache I hadn’t felt since losing my mom.
But I refused to pick up the phone and reach out to her. There was no point. I was never going to be that guy she described, and she wouldn’t come near me otherwise.
I just had to get through Sunday, and try to forget about her.