Embarrassed to have been caught, James struggled for something to say. An apology was the least he could offer, but somehow he could not bring himself to say the words. Perhaps because doing so would prove his guilt? So he cleared his throat instead and said, “You look lovely today, Mrs. Lawson. Better than when I last saw you.”
James cringed. If she chose, Mrs. Lawson could easily misconstrue his comment as a veiled insult, which wasn’t at all how he’d intended it.
To his relief, she smiled – not in the wide and joyful way she’d done when they’d first met, but enough to suggest she had no desire to quarrel. One eyebrow rose as if in challenge. “I could say the same of you, Mr. Dale.”
He supposed that was true. “I was returning home from one of my father’s tenants when I happened upon our children in that field.”
Her expression dimmed at the mention. “I’d like to apologize on my daughter’s behalf. When you came to see me in London, you made your disapproval of her relationship with your son quite clear. It’s the reason I brought her with me when I left, because I believed a change of scenery might do her good. It never occurred to me we would happen upon you here in Suffolk of all places.”
James wanted to believe her, he just wasn’t sure he could. Women like her, like Clara, were not to be trusted. Still, it would be hard to travel with her for several days if he questioned everything she said. So he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt while taking her words with a grain of salt.
“I chose to visit my parents for similar reasons,” he said. “Noting Michael’s despondence after I told him I wouldn’t approve of him marrying your daughter, I thought some time away from Town might help.”
“Instead we unwittingly brought them together.”
“And gave them reason to run away.” James shook his head. “I’d like to blame you for that, but I fear doing so would be rather unfair.”
“Oh?”
He’d no intention of making her privy to his recent struggles with Michael, so he simply shrugged one shoulder and said, “Our children fancy themselves in love and as such, they are prepared to disregard the consequences of their actions.”
She frowned. “You refer to the familial connection your son would have to me if he and Cynthia were to marry.”
“Michael is a bright young man with a promising future ahead of him,” James told her plainly. “I’d hate for him to squander it on a momentary bit of passion.”
Mrs. Lawson’s jaw tightened while her breaths grew slightly harder. Obviously, she was fighting to keep her mouth shut and her opinions to herself. For some bizarre reason he could not comprehend, James wanted to hear her thoughts, even if they were contrary to his own and would lead to anger.
Leaning forward, he held her gaze, which had now turned steely grey. “What?”
“Nothing,” she muttered, and promptly turned her attention back to the window.
“Say it.” When she still refused to speak, he decided to add a bit of levity to his voice as he told her, “I promise I’ll not toss you out of the carriage.”
She gave a soft snort and swung her gaze back to his. “Have you tried to consider this situation from your son’s point of view and without your dislike of me clouding your judgment?”
He tilted his head. “How do you mean?”
“If Michael…” She must have noted his disapproval, for she instantly said, “Forgive me, but may I call him Michael?”
James wasn’t too comfortable with it, but he supposed it would make their conversation easier. After a brief moment’s thought, he nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Well, if he truly loves Cynthia, would it not be better for you to try and help him find a way to be with her rather than throwing obstacles in his path?”
Disgruntled by her critical suggestiveness, James crossed his arms and leaned back against the squabs. “Michael may think himself in love but he is still young and his acquaintance with your daughter is too brief for him to be prone to such deep emotion. This is nothing more than a brief infatuation and as such, it would be a travesty if it led to marriage.”
“You’re certain of this?”
“Quite.”
“I hope so.” She gave him a most intense look. “Because if you’re wrong, trying to force them apart could ruin your relationship with him forever.”
“What would you know of such things?” James asked, his anger toward her rising once more on account of the worry he’d felt since learning of Michael’s elopement.
“Enough to tell you that young love can be stronger than you think and that trying to quash it can wreck more than one life.”
He stared at her. She spoke as if from experience, and to James’s shock, he envied the man to whom she’d given her heart. Rattled by the jealous spike he’d felt in response to her words, he asked, “Is that why you did it?”
She did not pretend to misunderstand his meaning. “My marriage was one of convenience, Mr. Dale. That is all I will say on the matter.”
When she closed her eyes to block him out, James knit his brow and gave his attention back to the view. Her contradiction of character perplexed him. Something about the facts he’d been given during her divorce hearings did not square with the woman who’d entertained him in a chilly parlor or faced him while covered in dirt. He could not put his finger on where the misalignment was, but it was there – he could sense it – and he would not be satisfied until he found it.
He was not her friend and he did not want her advice. In spite of Wilhelmina’s initial sense that Mr. Dale might desire to strike up a conversation for no other purpose than to pass the time, this notion had swiftly crumbled the moment he’d asked her to explain her unfaithfulness. What he wanted was to pry, possibly even to accuse, and if she were to stop him from learning the truth, she’d do well to avoid the subject entirely.
So she watched the fields slide by as they raced after Cynthia and Michael while doing her best not to let the monotony bore her. She thought of George and Fiona who would be trying to figure out where exactly to settle by now and wondered if she would ever see either of them again. Probably not.
The depressing thought caused her eyes to sting. Thus far, she’d been too busy to sit and think – to allow the full weight of her sacrifice to weigh on her heart. Now, with nothing to do besides ponder the events that had led her to this very moment, her mind became overcrowded with memories of her childhood, of how she and George used to swim in the village pond with all the other children, how they’d skate on the ice during winter and climb the cherry trees every spring. A smile tugged at her lips. Later in the year they’d sit in the trees and stuff their faces with those sweet berries until their bellies ached.
When he’d been admitted to Eton, she’d been there to share in his celebration. They’d written each other weekly, and when he’d been denied the woman he loved on account of the Marquess of Ottersburg not finding George good enough for his daughter, Wilhelmina had comforted her friend as best as she could. She was probably the only person in the world who knew he’d never fully recovered from the heartache he’d suffered. He’d only just turned eighteen when he’d made his intentions known. When Lady Katherine had become engaged to the Earl of Merriweather shortly after, George had been crushed.