“Did I screw up your plans for tonight?” He had been so quick to invite her to dinner, but she had dropped out of the sky with no notice, which really wasn’t fair.
“Not at all,” he said smoothly. “I haven’t gone into religious orders since I’ve last seen you,” he said, and they both laughed.
“I never thought you would. She’s very pretty,” and she seemed no more than twenty-five years old, or maybe less. He definitely had an eye for sexy, attractive women, and they flocked to him as they always had. He was at least thirty years older than this one.
“She’s a sweet girl. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months. It’s not serious. She has a boyfriend who works in Costa Rica. She likes to have a little fun when he’s gone.” Maddie couldn’t help laughing as she listened to him. She had almost fallen for him again. One touch of the hand and she was attracted to him and felt like a woman again. Bob Holland had lost his soul and was no longer the man she’d known. And Jacques hadn’t changed at all. There was something comforting about it in a way, and at the same time she knew that if she had let herself fall for him, he would do exactly what he had before, and cheat on her constantly. He couldn’t help himself, it was just who he was and had remained.
She hadn’t come on this trip to rekindle old flames, but she had been curious to see if any of the embers were still burning. And they could have been with Jacques, physically anyway, but he would have been as big a mistake for her now as he had been before. His morality was different from hers. And his needs. He needed a constant variety of women to keep him interested, and she knew that if she ever fell in love again, it would have to be with one man. She had always been that way, and she hadn’t changed either. They would have run into all the same problems all over again. He hadn’t slowed down, and, if anything, the girls he was attracted to were younger, as though they could share their youth with him.
He still found Maddie attractive too. He had always thought her a very sexy woman, and he still did. He liked her elegance and her style, her honesty and warmth and openness. She had never played games with him, and he knew where he stood with her. He liked that about her. She had been in love with him, but it hadn’t been a lasting love for either of them. There hadn’t been enough substance to it. They could both feel that again now. It would have been easy and immensely appealing to go to bed with him, but she knew she’d regret it later.
The meal at his new restaurant was excellent, and she let him talk her into going dancing with him afterwards. Maddie wondered if the pretty young girl was still waiting for him, and she couldn’t dance much with her foot in a cast. They had fun together, and she felt young again being with him. He was reminding her of a part of her life that she thought she had put away forever. She hadn’t been out dancing in years.
“Don’t forget what an exciting woman you are, Maddie,” he said to her when he drove her back to the hotel and parked off to the side. “You need a man in your life, even if you don’t think so. Life isn’t just about work and duty, your talent and your career. You have to play too. It used to be all about your children, then your work. It has to be about you now. You deserve that. Promise me you won’t forget it.” His words to her were a gift, and when he kissed her longingly, she didn’t resist.
She floated up to her room afterwards, glad she hadn’t gone to bed with him, but happy he had kissed her. It would have been wrong to kiss Bob in Boston. He would easily cheat on his wife. But Jacques wasn’t cheating on anyone. He was just a man who loved women, and they all knew it. Maddie was smiling when she went back to her room. She was sure he was on his way to the other girl by then, but she didn’t care. He had given her a playful, tender memory to take with her, and a wise message. He had told her he was going to Las Vegas the next day. And she was heading for Wyoming, to face whatever she found there. It would be harder to see Andy again, knowing what they had shared. But so far, each of her past loves had bestowed a gift on her. Bob had freed her of any regrets or questions she had about her decision about him, and Jacques had made her feel like a woman again. She had no idea what she would find in Wyoming. But she knew she had to go there, if only to see Andy one more time, and then go back to her life in New York again, perhaps free of the past at last, or still in love with Andy. She was eager to get to Wyoming and find out.
Chapter 7
Maddie took her time driving west after she left Chicago. She liked the city, but she had nothing to do there after she saw Jacques, and she sensed that hanging around would only get her into trouble, and possibly back into a relationship or a fling that would go nowhere and shouldn’t. Fortunately, he was going to Las Vegas anyway. He had invited her to join him there, but she’d feel ridiculous being part of his harem at her age, and he was more blatant about it now. He no longer hid his indiscretion and the women who were with him knew what to expect. There was always one who thought she would land him, but Maddie knew better. She couldn’t imagine Jacques ever settling down, and being with a man who always had another woman stashed somewhere was disappointing and exhausting. She wasn’t desperate for a man, but if she had any, she wanted one of her own, not one she had to share.
He had done something nice for her, though. She had become a work machine in the last ten or fifteen years. She was all about duty, giving her all to the latest assignment and pouring herself into it heart and soul, and then moving on to the next one. Sometimes she got off a plane in another city after taking a red-eye and went right to work. She was always proving that she could do it. Her life was a constant challenge and an endurance contest, and she had the stamina she needed to pull it off, even though she was exhausted sometimes. But in the process, she had forgotten all about being a woman, intentionally at first. After Andy, she never wanted to love someone that much again. It had taken her years to get over him and not wake up feeling a lead weight on her heart every morning, the constant reminder of loss. By the time she was no longer in acute pain, she was too deep into her work to let herself care about anything else. She told herself she didn’t need or want a man, or a tender touch. She saw the world through her camera lens, and nothing else. She had blinders on and kept them there.
Jacques’s gentle words when they said goodbye the night before had let the light in, like opening the shutters on a window. She had forgotten how beautiful the sky could be, how thrilling the world was. Her photographs spoke of agony and loss, mothers, children, lovers, the wounds of grief were on their faces and tore at one’s heart. She had forgotten about joy and laugher and a lighter touch. She had been serious for so long, steeled against the pain of leaving Andy, and now she was smiling as she drove along.
Jacques had always seemed a little foolish to her, and easily distracted, with his immense charm and roving eye, but he was smarter than she gave him credit for. He knew how to live and enjoy it. She wanted some of that back now. She had been more lighthearted when she’d met him, although even then, she had been focused on her children and trying to be a good parent. Too much so, Jacques always thought. The world seemed suddenly broader now and feeling her emotions was a relief. He had reminded her that she couldn’t stay numb forever. She felt suddenly more alone now, not with gritted teeth holding on tightly, but with an open heart.