“No…I just…that was a weird comment. Sorry, did I make it awkward?”
“Of course not, beautiful.” He moves back towards me and rubs his thumb down my cheek. “I’ve always wanted to do anything and everything to make you happy. Give you everything you want, Gab. But…” he furrows his brow, “that’s one thing I don’t think I can give you.”
That one word blares in my head like a flashing neon light. “Think?” I utter it aloud, my heart pounding so loud I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it.
“Can’t,” he corrects. “I can’t give it to you. Even though…” He stops and my eyes widen at the qualifier. Holy shit. He…wants that…with me? I try my best to steady my breathing. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe he means…I run through a brief list of scenarios he could possibly mean, but all of them lead back to him wanting to take my virginity. My sex pulses. The word vomit pools in the back of my throat dying to escape.
No. No. No.
Make him say it first.
My mind is moving a mile a minute at the thought that James and I could possibly cross a line tonight and I’m drunk on that thought along with the whiskey coursing through my veins.
“James…” I whisper and bite down on my lower lip.
“The things I could do to you, Gab.” He drops his head back. “I hate that I’ve thought about it.”
“Thought about…what?”
His eyes sweep to mine before he traces his gaze over me running those piercing blue eyes all over me lasciviously.
“Gabby…” He rarely calls me that and I think he realizes it because he pulls back slightly and shakes his head. “I need to get some sleep.”
“Wait…what?” No no no, don’t let him.
His smoldering gaze still holds mine as he moves closer to me and presses a kiss so gentle on my forehead that I want to jump out of my skin.
“You can stay up if you want, but I’m fried,” he tells me as he stands and begins to clean up the mess of glasses and pizza on the floor.
I follow behind him into the kitchen, carrying what’s left. I set it on the counter before realizing it’s now or never. “James, look at me.”
His back is to me and I can see the tension in his back and neck as he drops his head. “No.”
I move behind him and put my arms around him so his back is against my chest, though with our height difference, it doesn’t quite line up that way. “You said we could tell each other everything.”
“Not this.”
“What is this you’re referring to?”
“Gabrielle.” He turns around and I can see the anguish in his features. Does he…feel the same things I feel? “In another life…” he leans down, “I’d make you so happy, and it just kills me sometimes that it can’t be this life.”
I grip his forearms and move closer to him. I’m not completely pressed against him but I’m close. “You do make me happy in this life, J.” I run my hands up his chest towing the line between sexual and playful and to his shoulders before gripping them. “James…” His name comes out like a breathy plea and it must serve as a question because his hands find my hips in response. He grips them tightly and before I can think he’s moved me backwards and lifted me up onto the counter like I weigh less than a feather. He steps between my legs and runs his nose up and down my neck.
“I’ve always loved the way you smell. Your scent…is fucking addictive.” Goosebumps cover every inch of me and my sex gets slicker as his cock lines up perfectly against my center. He doesn’t press it against me.
I press myself against him.
I scoot further so I’m pressing right against him and I hope he can feel the heat from my pussy because it feels like it’s on fire.
“You’re killing me, Gab.” He groans as he drops his head to my shoulder. “You’re drunk and…”
“This has nothing to do with me being drunk,” I whisper. The last thing I want him to think is that alcohol caused these feelings. “If it is, I’ve been drunk since I was thirteen.” I speak the words of finality. The words I can’t take back. The words that make it very clear what I feel and how deep the feelings go. “I want you.” I run my hands down his back and then up until I find his hair and pull on it gently. “I want you so badly, it’s made being around you miserable at times.” He pulls away quickly and gives me a sad look that almost mirrors mine. His hand finds my cheek.
“Same, beautiful.”
“Wh-what?”
“This past year…hell, two years if I’m being honest, which makes me feel like a fucking pervert because you had just turned seventeen and all of a sudden you were just…this beautiful woman I couldn’t stop thinking about.” He swallows. “I think about you all the time.”
My mouth drops open in awe over his confession. “You do?” I squeak. “What-what do you think about?”
“Fuck, Gab. A part of me thought you knew?”
I shake my head. “Fuck no. I would have made this move way before. I would have given you my virginity six months ago when I turned eighteen.”
“You’re my baby sister…” He lets out a breath and backs away but he leaves his legs on my thighs. “And yet, I obsess over you.”
“So do I,” I whimper. “I made myself come last night thinking about you.”
“I know,” he tells me and I frown. “I didn’t know it was necessarily about me but I knew you were touching yourself. You’re not exactly quiet, beautiful. I felt so…depraved. Sitting there listening to you touch yourself through the door, wishing like hell I could be the one touching you, or shit, even watch.”
“I wish I would have known,” I tell him. “I literally thought about texting you and telling you how much I wanted you.”
“Gab…I don’t know how to navigate this.”
“Neither do I.”
He stares at me straight on. “You cannot tell Monica.”
I cock my head to the side. “No, you think?”
“You tell Monica everything.”
“She doesn’t know I’ve been fantasizing about our brother’s cock for five years. I think I can keep this from her.”
Fire blazes in his eyes in response to my words. “Have you touched a cock before, beautiful?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Have you seen one?”
“In porn.”
“I mean in real life.”
“No.” I shake my head. I swallow, letting the liquid courage take over. “Can…I see yours?”
His nostrils flare and he pulls away and leans back against the island in his kitchen, his hands on his hips. He runs his tongue over his teeth and I can see him fumbling slightly with the drawstring of his sweatpants. “No going back after this, Gabrielle.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to go back.”
“I don’t know…that it can go forward after tonight.”
I hop off the counter and move towards him, the liquor making me braver than usual as I press myself against him. “We live here in one of the biggest cities in the world, away from our parents and hours from our sister and you’re telling me if you have a taste tonight, you’ll never want a repeat?” His hands find my hips and push me back slightly and when I look down, I see his cock hard and very proudly pointing at me. My gaze draws up. “Let me see it, please,” I beg.