Noah winces.
“Noah, I love you. As a friend. My best friend. And I wish I could still say the same now, but I can’t.” His eyes snap to mine, his brows furrowing like he can’t believe somebody would ever fall out of love with him in any form. “You stopped showing me respect a long time ago. I just never wanted to see it. Friends don’t treat each other this way. Truthfully, I don’t know why I ever let you and our agents convince me to pretend we’re dating. Not for this long. The show has been over for almost a year. Why are we still doing this? Why are we acting like we don’t want to be with other people?”
His lips curl down at the corners as he reaches out to touch my wrist. “Addy—”
I shake my head and move back. “No. I’ve helped you over and over because you said this act will help both of us. But maybe I don’t want that. You’re ten times more famous than anyone I know, and you think that makes you invincible, but what about the rest of us? I’m not on your level. The press may not be able to touch you, but they can touch me. And what happens when you do lose it all because you can’t stop being such a dick to the people that matter most in your life?”
He cringes at my brashness. I probably would too if I wasn’t so high on the confidence of making him listen to me for once in his life.
“The drinking, the girls, the blowing people off who care about you—” The growing list makes his cheeks flush. “—that’s all going to make people stop trying. I don’t want to feel bad for spending the night with a guy that I’ve always liked. I’m sorry that person is your brother, but he was there for me when you weren’t. When your brother showed up, my feelings only resurfaced because he was finally paying attention to me. Telling me I was beautiful. Taking care of me in ways…” I stop myself. “We were both in the city, both old enough to make our own choices, even if I shouldn’t have made the one I did. Not until talking to you first. I let my anger toward you fuel me. I’m sorry for how things happened, but not that they did.
“I mean, Daire was nice to me when he saw me outside debating on whether or not I was still invited here today. He didn’t make me feel weird about our time together. Didn’t make me feel like shit about what I chose to do with my body or who I chose to do it with.”
His palm swipes down his face. “Of course, you were still invited. Christ, Adelaide. I know I’ve been—” He searches for the word.
“An asshole?”
He grumbles, “I was going to say difficult.” I snort, causing him to glare. Except, this time it’s in exasperation. It’s something I can work with. “I’ve been difficult, and yeah, a little bit of an asshole—”
“A lot. You’ve been an ass a lot lately.”
Noah levels with me. “Fine. Call it what you want. I can’t really argue. What I’m trying to say is that, regardless of how I act, you’re always welcome here. My family is yours. I know this time of year for you is hard. You need to be around people who care about you. Even if things are weird right now, I do care about you. I always have and I always will.”
When he reaches out, I don’t pull away. He tugs me toward the bed to sit next to him, his breath still making me want to gag but his eyes sobering over this conversation. My teeth bite down on my inner cheek as he interweaves our fingers together and rests them on his leg.
“You know how much I care about you,” he repeats. “And I shouldn’t have dragged out this arrangement. I thought it would be good for us. For you…”
Staring at our hands, I nod. “I know, but I want people to know me for being a hard worker. Not because you’re my best friend or my boyfriend. Not because of who my mother is. Definitely not for who my dad is. I’m trying to define who I am, and you’re not helping if you make a huge deal out of this fake relationship when neither of us are invested in it.”
We’re quiet as he soaks that in.
Then, he says, “It had to be my brother?”
Internally, I groan. “The crush hasn’t let go yet. It’s stupid…”
“Agreed,” he mumbles.
“But things happened with us. The feelings are there, at least for me.” His hand twitches in mine, so I squeeze it. “I can’t take it back. Any of it. He was my first kiss. I know I never told you that.” His wide eyes bolt to mine. “I lied when I said it was Mark on set. But can you blame me? I knew you’d freak out.”
His lips press together.
“He was basically my first everything and that’s going to mean something to me for a long time even if he doesn’t want this to be anything more than it is. Maybe he and I are going at it all the wrong way but—”
“I really don’t want to hear about how you and my brother are going at it.”
I smack him. “Not like that! I mean our relationship, or whatever it is, may not be forming the way I picture it. I’m not dumb, Noah. I know he has a job and house to go back to that’s not here. I know he’s leaving tomorrow. And I know that I’ll be busy soon.”
“Really busy,” he emphasizes.
“Can we agree that this needs to end, though? The pretending? The drinking? The attitude. You need to listen to your agent and your mom if you won’t to me. You love your career, but there’s going to be a point when people won’t want to take a risk on your because you’re always drunk or in the tabloids for being with the wrong kind of people. I can’t be your buffer anymore. Not with your agent. Not with the press. I don’t want to be pitied or made fun of for not keeping your attention because you’ve been seen with other people. I need to take care of myself for once.”
My best friend’s eyes are pained. “I never wanted you to have to take care of me, Addy. And I never wanted you to feel like that from people.”
“But that’s what happened.”
He’s quiet again.
“You know I’m always here for you, but I can’t be the person who gets you out of trouble by flashing a smile at the cameras while we’re out together. I’m getting nothing out of it except…” Well, what I’m getting or not getting isn’t important. “I’ve got so much riding on my own reputation now that I’ve secured this role. I can’t risk anything.”
His head drops a fraction as he takes a deep breath. “I really have been a shitty friend, huh?”
I turn toward him. “Hey, I agreed to do all this stuff with you. It’s not just on you for how long it’s gone on. But it needs to end for my peace of mind. Plus, you don’t need me as long as you stop drinking so much. And maybe scale down the being-seen-with-multiple-women thing. That makes you look sleezy.”
A smile grows on my face when he laughs at the true statement. “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t make me look great.”
“Especially when you’re supposed to be dating someone else,” I point out, eyeing him.
He makes a face. “Point made.” The sigh escaping him is heavy as he tightens his grip on my hand before raising it to his lips to press a kiss against. “My brother is mad at me for reasons I deserve. I know it. I’ve known it for years. But there was nothing I could ever do or say that’d make it better for him.”