Choosing to take matters into my own hands, I quickly dress up in my new lingerie set that I bought for him, then I put on a bodysuit, then a huge trench coat, a pair of boots and silently sneak out of my room.
I’ve never done this and my heart is pounding.
The truth is, I’m not as bold or as daring as my baby sister but for some reason, tonight I just want to not be me.
I want to be confident about my needs and my sexuality. I want to feel something else other than this chilling numbness that settled into me the day my parents died and left me and my sister alone in this crazy world.
Val is the only family I have but Knox, he’s my everything and right now, I just want to see him..
Knox and I started dating in high school. Even though he’s a year older than me, he insisted on transferring universities just so he could be with me. The moment he said that, I knew then and there that I wanted to take the next step in our relationship with him.
And tonight, is the night that happens.
I want to show him how much I appreciate and love him. But at the same time, I want this for me too. I want to experience something special with the love of my life before my nerves get shot.
Knox was late to arrive at school today, and so he couldn’t get his dorm room keys. He texted me two hours ago that he’s staying at a hotel for the night. Maybe he’s in bed now.
I know he must be tired after traveling back from Europe where he was spending time with his mother, but I’ve missed him so much.
Quickly sneaking out of my new and still unfamiliar room, I tip-toe my way toward the front door of our new apartment that’s pretty close to Val’s school than it is to my university but that’s fine. I can make the commute.
I had no choice but to downsize. After all, what use could me and my babysitter have for a huge mansion that we could no longer afford?
Val doesn’t know it but when our parents died, their lawyer pulled me aside at their funeral and told me about our father’s money being embezzled by a close friend, which meant there was nothing left for me and Val but the house. And I was now in charge.
For Val’s future and mine, I took the lawyer’s advice of selling the house. It sold so fast, my heart just broke.
The hits kept on coming that day, but Knox was my rock. He not only held my hand, but he comforted my sister as well. Maybe him being distant meant he was burned out from trying to deal with his emotionally out of sorts girlfriend and her outspoken little sister. My poor, sweet boyfriend. Tonight I’ll apologize.
I make my way down the street to where my car is parked and drive to the fancy hotel I knew my boyfriend would be staying at tonight.
When I arrive, I park my car and stride into the lobby, getting even more excited about what’s about to happen.
I have no idea what room number he’s in, but I make my way to the front desk and pretend like I know what I’m doing.
“Good evening, Miss,” the elderly man with distinguished grey hair styled elegantly like a top hotelier says with a small smile.
“Yes, hello,” I start, forcing my voice to be airy. “I believe a Mr. Cross is in your residence for the evening.” I say it more like a question, knowing damn well that Knox used his father’s money--and his father’s name--to pay for this expensive hotel. He blames him for his parent’s divorce.
The older gentleman is kind enough to answer me even though I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a flasher. After all, it’s not that cold out to be wearing a large trench coat.
“Yes, Miss.”
“He’s expecting me.” The man eyes me. Shit. “And he also assured me that you’d give me the room keycard when I come by.”
With a resigned sigh he types something on his computer. Then passes me a black keycard that is so not like the other cards I can see from where I stand. Damn, Knox must really be pissed with his dad but seriously?
“Uh…”
“Mr. Cross has taken residence in our ultra-penthouse,” the gentleman says. “You’ll also need to use the card in the elevator to gain access to the ultra floor.”
Ultra-penthouse? Ultra-floor? Damn, Knox overdoes it sometimes.
“Thank you,” I whisper and then quickly make my way across the shiny, elegant lobby toward the bank of elevators.
I hold up the black keycard to a scanner on the panel of the elevator, but instead, a different elevator at the very back of the bank slides open.
When I enter, I notice there aren’t any floor buttons like regular elevators, Instead, there’s another scanner.
What kind of hotel is this?
I hold up the keycard again and soon, the elevator doors close and then we’re in motion.
My heart starts racing faster than before.
My palms are sweaty and I’m pretty sure my stomach is in knots, and so when the elevator halts to a gliding stop and the doors open, I’m ready to bail and go back to my apartment.
But I can’t leave now. I can’t be the coward that Val sometimes calls me when I say no to her silly truth-or-dare games or when I refuse to let loose at parties.
“Fuck,” I whisper to myself.
Stepping out of the chrome elevator, I force myself to put one foot in front of the other, recalling why I’m here in the first place.
It doesn’t take me long to get back in my groove, especially with the silky-softness of my lingerie rubbing against my skin and the want humming inside me like a living, breathing monster of its own.
I make my way to the only double-doors on the floor.
“Go big or go back home, Nicki. What will it be?” I whisper to myself.
Closing my eyes, I tap the keycard to the scan and the doors unlock with a soft click.
This is it. Shit!
Stepping in the room, it’s dark. Small lamps mounted up on the beige walls light up as I enter, probably triggered by motion. I’m so grateful for the low, warm ambience though. There’s something about dark spaces that makes me feel some semblance of comfort where I don’t have to be anything other than who I am.
I’m pretty sure I’m drawn to sinister and taboo shit, but Heaven forbid if anyone ever finds out how twisted my mind can get sometimes. Not even Knox knows that about me and I guess I like it that way. I like the fact that he sees me as a good girl, but tonight I was hoping to change that.
I want to experience my sexuality and form a strong bond with my boyfriend but there’s only so much bravado I can carry. I don’t think I can go through with this if he decides to switch the lights on.
The penthouse is huge and silent. I can see the elegant kitchenette to my left and the huge sitting area in front of me where the huge floor-ceiling length windows stand, overlooking the sleepy city. What a fucking view.
Then to my left, I see a slightly open door. That should be the bedroom.
Knox is in there.
My heart starts beating even harder than before.
I’m just going to slip into his bed and I’m sure he’ll get the hint.
Slowly, I remove my shoes then I shrug out of my trench coat, then the bodysuit I wore, leaving it pooled on the floor.
Feeling flustered, I tip-toe toward the dark room in nothing more than my lingerie.
When I push the door open some more, I can see the large bed in the middle of the room and right under the covers, I see a distinguishable lump.
He’s here. Here goes nothing.