It also doesn’t go unnoticed to me how watching Val with James brought out of me more jealousy than any of the various shows of PDA she had displayed with Knox.
So maybe that’s why something as sweet as a father-in-law trying to teach his son’s bride how to cut wood affected me so much. I don’t trust her motives. Not when she’s given me proof that Valerie only cares for herself and no one else. But if I genuinely want to have my baby sister back in my life, that means I will have to start trusting her. Little by little, I need to give her the chance to gain back my trust, and I can’t do that locked away in my bedroom throughout all of my stay here.
Just as I swing the door of my bedroom open, I come face to face with none other than my sister’s new husband, arm halfway up, looking like he was about to knock on my door.
“Oh, hey,” I greet, my eyebrows pinching together in confusion as to why Knox is seeking me out.
“Hey, Nicki.” He smiles. “I was just about to see if you wanted to go on a walk with me before breakfast.”
“I… um...”
“Come on, Nicki. For old times’ sake,” he says with that all-American toothy grin that used to make the butterfly wings in my stomach take flight.
Pleased to confirm that his smile no longer brings such school girl behavior in me, I nod and concede to a quick walk on the grounds. I grab my winter coat and my snow boots and follow him outside through the front of the house. Knowing that James and Val are having their own moment at the back of the house, I suggest that Knox and I take a stroll through the vast lush forest in front of us. He’s quick to agree, telling me that there is a river nearby that he wants to show me anyway.
As we start walking towards the river, our conversation isn’t as stilled and awkward as I would have assumed it to be. In fact, it almost feels like putting on an old pair of worn socks that you know will keep your toes warm on a cold night. They may not be pretty or something you would take to bed when you had company, but they are familiar and comfortable. I’m not sure Knox would appreciate the analogy of being compared to old socks, but in the end, that’s exactly how I feel towards him. Maybe I should be more on guard, seeing as he broke my heart and ran away with my sister, but all that bitter resentment has disappeared. Perhaps because he didn’t hurt me as much as I thought he did. Maybe the only one I cried over for months was Valerie and not the boy I thought I would marry. And if that’s true, there is only one plausible explanation for it.
I never loved Knox.
In the back of my mind, I think I always knew that. I might have loved him to a point, but I was never in love with him. Not like a woman should be in love with a man. When a woman truly falls head over heels in love, she spends every waking moment thinking about her lover—wondering when he will kiss her again or when he will put his hands on her body and claim her as his.
I’ve never felt like that about anyone.
That’s a lie.
Someone does make me feel all those things, even if I don’t want to admit it to myself.
These thoughts are still rummaging in my head when we reach the river. Just like Knox had boasted, it really does feel like a sliver of paradise is right here hidden amongst the Colorado mountains, buried under white snow and pale blue skies.
“You’ve grown quiet on me,” he jokes, nudging my shoulder with his. “I’m going to take it as you like the view.”
“More than like. It’s breathtaking.”
His genuine smile splits his face in two.
“I’m glad you like it. When I had to come here for the holidays and summer break, I always thought that one day I could bring you here.”
I maul my bottom lip, not liking the nostalgic taint to his tone.
“It’s lovely. I’m sure Valerie liked it too when you brought here.”
Knox kicks the snow at his feet.
“I haven’t brought anyone up here. Only you,” he confesses, increasing my unease.
“I’m not sure how to respond to that,” I reply nervously.
“Shit,” he utters, a red blush tainting the bridge of his nose and cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just had this need to make at least one of the promises I made myself come true. Bringing you here was one of them.”
“Well, you can cross it off your bucket list. You finally showed me. But all this walking has opened my appetite. We really should head back now,” I say with a light tone, turning around so we can go back to the cabin.
Unfortunately, Knox has other plans. He surprises me when he holds me by the wrist to keep me in place.
“Wait, Nicki. Don’t go.”
“Let me go, Knox,” I demand, pulling my arm away from his grip.
Thankfully, he lets me go without a fight.
“Shit. This isn’t how I saw this going down at all.”
“How did you see this going?” I retort back coldly, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I guess the real reason why I brought you up here is to thank you for coming to my dad’s cabin in the first place. I missed you, Nicki. Things have been pretty crazy lately, and having you here reminded me of a more peaceful time. A time when things made sense for me.”
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me. I thought that you and Val were happy.”
His face falls at my statement, looking utterly lost and alone.
“I thought we were too. I guess I was wrong.”
“Hmm,” I chew on my lower lip, trying hard to put myself in his shoes, even if my gut tells me that I should hail tail it out of there.
“I heard the first year of marriage is hard, so don’t beat yourself too much about it. As long as you remember what brought you two together and the love you have for each other, then I’m sure you both will be able to jump over whatever hurdle is in your way.”
“You always know what to say,” he beams, the shiny glint in his aquamarine eyes, the very one I’ve seen in his father’s eyes has me paddling back.
“Um…I really am starving. How about we go back to the cabin and have some breakfast?”
“Sure. Thanks for coming up here with me. It meant a lot. You mean a lot to me,” Knox confesses, and before I can make head or tails about any of this, he pulls me into a hug and tightens his hold on me.
I shudder in discomfort the minute his nose dives into my hair, taking a good long whiff of my curls. All of me wants to push him away, but I figure if this is what he needs to keep his shit together throughout my visit here, then so be it. The last thing I want is for him and Valerie to start fighting while I’m in close range.
It’s only with the familiar sound of someone clearing their throat near us that Knox finally lets me go. Instantly I take two steps back away from Knox, but it’s too late.
The damage is already done.
James' piercing blue-green eyes skate over the two of us, and he does not look happy. Like a lone wolf baring his teeth to his prey, he throws us a white, savage grin, promising all sorts of hellish torture. But while Knox at my side looks utterly impervious to the silent threat of his father’s gaze, I’m not as immune.
I’m not sure if I should be afraid or excited.
That’s another lie.
I’m very much the latter.