“Mitch Hathaway. He was also a former Navy SEAL. We mainly offer counseling to those who suffer from PTSD, but we also have folks who come in to talk about other things. Abuse, addiction, loss.”
I looked back over the landscape. “I came back to town to stop running from my past and to give Bishop the answers he deserved. Plus, I was miserable as hell.”
“You still love him?” Aiden asked.
A single tear slipped down my cheek. “I’ve never stopped.”
“Why did you leave?”
I sighed. “I was a coward, if we want to get right to the bones of it. At the time, I didn’t know how to talk to Bishop about my fears and feelings after we lost the baby. He kept talking about trying again, and honestly, I couldn’t even imagine being pregnant again. The thought terrified me. I ran because I thought I couldn’t give Bishop what he wanted. I couldn’t see through my grief that Bishop was also just as lost. I don’t know, Aiden. I think I might have had some kind of nervous breakdown. I couldn’t see straight…if that makes sense.”
“It does. Do you see straight now?” Aiden asked.
“I don’t know what I see anymore,” I answered with a dull laugh. “It doesn’t matter anyway; Bishop’s moved on. He’s dating this woman who has a little girl, and he made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with me.” “So you’re just going to give up?”
I lifted my head and glanced at him. “Give up?”
He nodded.
“What do I have to give up? I already pushed Bishop so far away he’s no longer mine to fight for.”
Aiden laughed and shook his head. “You are so far off the mark with that, Abby, it’s unreal.”
I swung my body around and faced him, crisscrossing my legs. “Am I?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t here when you left, but Hunter told me how distraught Bishop was.” I looked away, and he reached for my hand. “Wait, I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty. I’m sure you’re already carrying around enough guilt. You need to let it go before you move on. Forgive yourself, Abby, then work on winning back the man you love.”
“You didn’t see him this morning, Aiden. He was so angry, and I expected that. But he also made it clear he was seeing someone. His words were hurtful, and he meant for them to be.”
“He’s hurting, so he wanted to hurt you.”
I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “He can’t possibly hurt me any more than I’ve already hurt myself by walking away from him. I only wanted to tell him why, to explain. If he doesn’t want me back, then I’ll accept it. But I need to tell him before I even can move forward and forgive myself.”
“Do you want to watch Bishop make a life with someone else?”
Pressing my lips together tightly, I slowly shook my head.
“Then fight for him, Abby! If he doesn’t listen to you today, go back to him tomorrow. Then the next day, and the next, until he lets you talk.”
“What happens if he does finally let me talk to him, and he still asks me to leave?”
“That depends on you, Abby.”
“Me? If he doesn’t love me anymore, Aiden, then nothing I do or say is going to change that.”
He laughed. “That’s where you have it wrong. Bishop is just as much in love with you today as he was two years ago. Or five years ago. Hell, the day he asked you to marry him. Give him time, Abby. Give him time to take it all in, and when his anger lessens some, talk to him. Tell him what you need to say. If he pushes you away, then fight. Show him he doesn’t really want this other woman.”
My chin trembled, and I groaned when more tears slipped free. Wiping them away, I fought to speak clearly. “And if you’re wrong, and he does want her?”
Aiden’s eyes softened and his expression morphed into one of understanding. “You don’t run away again. You surround yourself with your family and friends. As hard as it’ll be, you’ll try and move on too.”
I reached for his arm and squeezed it. “Thank you for coming and finding me.”
“That’s what friends are for. If you need to talk to anyone, I can set it up.”
“I’ve actually already got an appointment with a therapist, but thank you, Aiden.”
He stood and reached for my hands. “Come on, let’s go get some honey biscuits from Arabella and put her mind at ease.”
Smiling, I let Aiden help me up. We walked to our vehicles, Aiden’s arm around me. It was the first time in months that I truly felt myself smile on the inside as well as the outside.
Standing in the middle of the field, I took in the rows and rows of lavender plants.
“They’re thriving, just like you said they would.”
I spun around and placed a hand over my heart. “Daddy, you scared me.”
My father leaned down and picked up something off the ground, looking at it before he met my gaze. “Are you really staying for good, like you told your mother?”
“Yes. I made an appointment with a realtor to go look at rentals.”
He nodded.
“Daddy, I’m sorry I left like I did. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you and Mom. I was just…just so lost, so sad. Then I was angry and scared.”
“Scared?” he asked, his eyes softening a bit around the edges.
“Yes. I was terrified.”
“Of what?”
“All I could think about was losing another baby. The idea of going through that again…it terrified me, and when I saw how upset Bishop was, when Momma was holding him while he was crying… in my mixed-up head, I thought the best thing for me to do was leave, because I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to make him happy. If I left, Bishop would be okay. He’d move on. He wanted a family…so badly.” A sob slipped free, but I fought to pull myself together.
My dad took a step closer. “Why didn’t you tell him your feelings, sweetheart?”
I closed my eyes and shrugged.
He pulled me into his arms, and it caused the dam of tears I’d been fighting back to break free. God, I was so flipping tired of crying. When would it stop?
“Shhh, it’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
Drawing back some, I looked up at my father. His gray hair was in a buzz cut, like it had been for my entire life. His soft brown eyes sparkled with nothing but love for me, and it filled me with such hope.
“I’ll never leave like that again; I swear to you,” I said. “I won’t turn my back on the farm, or on you or Mom.”
“On Bishop?” he asked with one raised brow.
“That one, I think, is going to be more complicated.”
“Do you know—” He abruptly stopped talking.
“About Jax? Yes, he told me. Well, Greer, Arabella, and Candace warned me about her first, then Bishop made it very clear he was dating someone.”
“You’ve spoken with Bishop?”
“Yes, earlier,” I said with a forced smile. “It went about as well as I’d expected it to. He wouldn’t let me talk to him at all, really.”
Daddy nodded. “Give him time, pumpkin. He was pretty torn up after the divorce, just like you were.”