“Next week? I need it before then! Do you offer a rush fee?” I asked.
He glanced at a clipboard on his desk. “Yes, but there are two computers ahead of you if you opt for the rush job.”
“And if I don’t?”
“You’re number 14,” he said. “And no guarantee that we can get to it until the second week of December.”
“If I pay the rush fee?”
He tapped away at the keys. “Then we should be able to get to it on Monday.”
“Put me down for the rush job. How much extra is it?”
“A hundred,” he said. “If you could write down your password here.” He printed out a paper and pushed it across to the counter to me. I wrote down my password, then tucked the receipt in my wallet and headed out into the blustery morning.
As I snugged my coat tighter, my phone jangled and I glanced at the incoming text. good morning, love. how are you doing?
I hurried back to my car and slid inside before answering. i left my computer with byte your tongue. the firemen were at my place yesterday. I sent the text and was about to compose another when the phone rang.
“What the hell happened? What do you mean the firemen were at your house?” Killian’s voice blared through the speaker.
“My computer cord melted down and I wasn’t sure if there was a spark or something in the walls. So I called the fire department and they checked it out. Everything’s okay,” I added. “My house isn’t going to burn down.”
“Scare a guy to death, why don’t you?” Killian said. He paused, then added, “So, what happened? Why did the cord melt down?”
“Turns out my laptop cord was recalled last year and I never got the notice. The cords are defective and several have melted down and caused fires.” I frowned. “So I’m out my computer until at least Monday—the techs are checking it out for damage. Which means all the research I downloaded is being held hostage till then. I’m about to head to the library.”
“Can’t you tell the Witches Guild to put a sock in it until next week?” Killian sounded grumpy, but I knew it was because he was worried.
“I could, but I’d rather see if I can finish this and check it off my to-do list.” I paused, then said, “Somehow, social events seem more stressful than hunting down ghosts. I’m questioning my sanity at offering to host Thanksgiving. Is it always like this? When I was with Ellison, we went to his parents’ house, where I would be picked apart by his mother.”
“Love, calm down. One—I will be closing the office, except for emergencies, for four days next week. I’ll help you every day. We can host together. Good practice for when we do get married,” he said, a grin in his voice. “Second, you know that Teran is going to be over there, probably taking charge of the whole shebang.”
“True. Very true. She’ll help me learn. I can cook, but I’ve never roasted a turkey before and I’ve never coordinated such a large meal. Ellison and I called in caterers when we held dinner parties. He thought it made him look more refined.” I stared at the phone and made a sudden decision. “You know, you’re right. I’m going to tell the Witches Guild they’ll have to wait or assign someone else. I had no control over this.”
“I’m proud of you. Stand up for yourself!” Killian paused, then added, “I have to go—my next appointment is here. Time for a very adorable kitten to be spayed.”
I blew a kiss in the phone and we agreed that I’d drop by after my Witches Guild meeting that night. “I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
Killian was the best vet in the town, and people knew it. But he made sure not to headhunt clients from the other vets, because the more competent animal care clinics there were, the better.
I thought about the library, then nixed the idea. Since this was technically my vacation, I was going to do at least one thing I wanted to do. And that was to get the Yule tree set up. Which meant that I needed to wade through the attic for my parents’ decorations. Last year, I hadn’t been ready to use them—too many memories. But this year, it felt like time. I wanted to renew that connection to my mother and father. I had bought a tree and some decorations when I first moved back, but this year, I wanted everything to feel pulled together, not just the chaos of a whirlwind shopping spree.
I glanced at the overcast sky. The rain was still holding off and it was a brisk fifty-five degrees, so I decided to take a walk in the park by the marina.
I had come to love the piers that overlooked the marina. There was one in particular that I liked to walk out on and sit at the end to watch the bay. During fishing season, the old men would come out to fish, but on days like today, the seats along the walkways were usually empty.
I parked in the lot near the park and turned off the ignition, threw my keys in my purse, and headed across the grass to the edge of the bay. There was a small area that was enclosed by a water net, so children and adults could swim in there during the summer, but at this time of year it was far too dangerous. The water was too cold, and the waves too rough. Sometimes scuba divers went out during the late autumn to practice, but today nobody seemed willing to brave the waters.
I sat down on the bench at the end of the wooden walkway, grateful that the rain had evaporated off of it. It was still cold, but I wouldn’t get my skirt wet. I leaned back, thrusting my hands in my pockets, and crossing my legs as I stared out over the water. I thought about how frantic I had felt when I talked to Killian, and decided to ask myself what I really wanted from the holidays. What was I looking for?
Family, Esmara said, startling me. I think that’s what you’re searching for. A feeling of family. Something you never had with Ellison.
It’s true, I never did have a feeling of family with him. And his family, even less so. Why didn’t I say no, we’re having Thanksgiving with my family? Why did I never question him or insist on something I wanted?
Because he was good at gaslighting. And sometimes it’s easier to give in rather than to argue.
Esmara had my number, all right.
For so long, the easiest thing to do had been to keep the peace rather than spark a conflict. While he had never physically threatened me during the time I was with him—all the abuse had been verbal—now I knew better. Ellison was fully capable of physical abuse and I had been the recipient of it.
But the emotional abuse had been as bad, and sometimes I thought, worse. If he had hit me while I was still with him, I would have left immediately. But I kept excusing the jabs and the slights and derision. Then he’d apologize and say he wouldn’t do it again. Like most women caught up in an abuse cycle, I had wanted to believe him. I’d wanted to believe him so much that I let logic, reason, and my dignity fly out the window.
Now he’s locked up. I wish I felt fully free of him. I’m happy, Esmara, but I don’t feel it’s settled yet. I thought I would feel free if he was convicted, but I don’t. I still feel…
Like he’s a weight around your neck?
Yeah, a rotting albatross that I’m carrying and can’t seem to throw off.
Give it time. You never know what will happen, and you can’t banish eighteen years of anger and pain with a single year’s freedom.