Truth be told, he’d not hated the notion of her becoming his wife. The realization that she clearly wanted someone else – that he repulsed her – hurt so damn much, he wanted to smash everything to pieces. Still, he’d tried to be patient, attempting to give her the time she needed to acclimate to the idea of having him for her husband. But her staying away from the Christmas ball was more than he was willing to tolerate. How dare she humiliate him thus?
Fists clenched, he gave her door three loud raps in warning, then entered without waiting for permission. And instantly had to fight the urge not to rail at her. Rather than looking prepared to play the part of hostess, she lounged in bed with a book.
Heat shot to the top of Hugh’s head. He took a deep breath to calm himself even though every beat of his heart suggested the feat was impossible.
“What are you doing?” he growled, only to catch himself with a muttered curse when her wary eyes met his. He took a step forward and deliberately softened his tone. “Are you ill?”
She shook her head and lowered the book. “No, my lord. I merely wish to avoid the festivities.”
And you.
The unspoken words stabbed at his heart. “Why?”
“You know the answer to that.”
“If I did,” Hugh said, “I would not ask for an explanation. So let me inquire again, my lady. Why have you not put on a gown and why in God’s name are you lazing about up here when we’ve nearly a hundred guests to attend to?”
Caroline swallowed. She’d known her act of defiance might push her husband too far, yet she could not for the life of her bring herself to go downstairs and entertain guests as if she and Hugh enjoyed wedded bliss. When he’d mentioned the ball initially during one of their rare conversations, she’d been against it. Foolishly, he’d obviously thought she would go along with it anyway if he demanded it, while she had believed he’d cancel the evening if she didn’t.
Apparently, they’d both been wrong.
“Unlike you, I have no desire to lie to our friends and family. I do not wish to put on a show and pretend we’re happy when neither of us can stand the other.” She bit off the last part because it wasn’t entirely true. She hated the deep divide that had come between them since their engagement had been announced. They’d been friends once, in a way.
Until their fathers had revealed the wager they’d made over a bottle of brandy. Caroline’s father had won and as a result, she’d gained a husband. Initially, she’d protested the ridiculousness of it all, but then her parents had pointed out that reputations were at stake. Witnesses to the whole disaster had been present. And besides, Hugh’s father had gambled away more than his son’s freedom. Indeed, the fool had used his estate as collateral – an estate he would lose to Caroline’s father unless she married Hugh.
She could not blame Hugh for resenting her as she knew he must on account of his always addressing her with irritation. No doubt he was of the opinion that her father, renowned for his cunning, had taken advantage of his. After all, it wasn’t a secret that Mr. Finkley wanted a title for his daughter.
“What your father did was contemptible,” Hugh said, his voice firm and unforgiving. “Papa is known to be reckless after he’s had a few drinks and Finkley took advantage.”
“Agreed.” She set her book aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed so she perched there, hands clasped in her lap.
“But at least I am willing to try and make the best of our situation.” His eyes were hard as he spoke. “You, on the other hand, prefer to hide away like a coward.”
He wasn’t wrong. She was a coward, though not exactly in the way he imagined. “Hosting a ball was your idea. I never agreed to it because I believed it to be a mistake from the start. We’ve both made tremendous sacrifices during the last few weeks. I refuse to make another.”
His features tightened into harsh lines. “And I refuse to be laughed at because of a difficult wife. This entire debacle was your father’s doing, so as his daughter, you bloody well owe me.”
“Let’s not forget your father had an equal part to play in that wager. He could as easily have won and forced my family into poverty.” She stood, needing to move on account of the anxious energy brought on by their discussion. “Truth is, we’ve both got irresponsible parents who don’t care one whit for their children or what their hearts desire.”
He answered with a snort. “That’s certainly true for you.”
“Given your constant hostility toward me, I’d say it’s true for both of us.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself to ward off a chill. “I know you despise me.”
“Not so much you, but what you represent,” he muttered, his brow knit as if in contemplation. Mouth pressed into a firm line, he considered her from across the room. “Besides, your somber mood since our wedding day makes it clear that being my wife is the worst fate you could imagine.” He paused for a moment before quietly adding, “You used to smile.”
She winced. “I fear I’ve had little cause to do so of late. But it’s not for the reason you think. It’s because I know you don’t want me.”
Caroline’s words were a shock to Hugh. He stared at her. “I’ve never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. It was clear from your angry demeanor and from the fact that you did not visit me on our wedding night.”
“Only because your despondence made me feel as though I’d be taking advantage,” he shouted in utter frustration. By God, he’d wanted her. He still did. But he’d be damned if he was going to force himself on an unwilling woman.
Wide–eyed, she stared at him while he struggled to catch his breath. Brilliant. He’d probably made things worse with his outburst and the mention of his baser needs.
“I’ve always liked you.” She spoke as if it made no sense for him not to know this. “The last thing I wanted was to be an obligation to you. I…I wanted to be your choice.”
Stunned by her confession, Hugh could only stand there as everything he thought to be true turned to dust. “Caroline…”
Her eyes glistened but she seemed to fight back the tears while she raised her chin and looked at him, her expression slightly twisted as if in pain. “It was clear to me you wanted no such thing – that you hated having to wed me and–”
“I hated the circumstances, not you, though your response to the whole ordeal has given me cause to think you’d given your heart to another.” He took a step closer and carefully asked, “Are you saying that’s not the case?”
“My response was entirely based upon yours.” Her sparkling eyes captured his. “Ironically, you are the man I hoped to one day marry. But not like this. Not by denying your free will.”
Stupefied, Hugh forced his feet into motion, pushing his leaden body across the floor until he was close enough to take her hand. He enfolded it in his own and gave it a squeeze. “Apparently you and I have severely misjudged each other. We’ve made the most disastrous assumptions.”
“We have?”
Pained by what he’d put her through, he offered a smile and pushed a few locks behind her ear. He allowed his hand to linger against her cheek afterward, his thumb gently stroking away the tears that had started to fall.