“Why not? Don’t you feel the same way?”
She moves away and sits up, pulling her knees to her chest and tucking into the corner of the bed where it meets the wall. Making herself small. “Can’t we just be happy with the way things are?”
“My mom once told me something Erin used to say. If you want something, don’t wait, because you never know what could happen. Live for the day. Don’t wait to do the things you dream about.”
“Yeah, well, my mom once told me we only get as much as we deserve.” She closes her eyes and sighs. A tear rolls down her cheek. “What if I don’t deserve you, Aaron?”
I wipe away her tear. “I ask myself that every goddamn day, Dev. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you, don’t you get that?” I pull her down flat on the bed and climb on top of her. “I don’t care if you won’t let me say it—it’s the way I feel, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Her hands sink into my hair, and she pulls my head down until our lips meet. She kisses me like I’m the air she needs to breathe. Like she knows we have an expiration date.
I’ve never kissed anyone as much as I’ve kissed Devyn. Kiss, fondle, fuck—that’s all I’ve ever done. And kissing was never important. It was a means to get to the next step. But kissing Devyn is different. I could kiss her all night and not need more. My dick springs to life. Okay—so I’d need more. But it’s not the thing I crave the most with her. I crave her lips. The soft curve of her thighs. The intoxicating smell of her.
And when I go down on her, I could set up camp and stay there all day. The sounds she makes, the way her body moves, and how her hands show me exactly what she needs. I’ve never been with anyone so responsive. And when she touches me, it takes all my control not to explode. Everything she does to me is perfect. I couldn’t ask for more, and I can never again settle for less.
I remove her shirt, leaving her naked, and make a mental note to search for her panties on the roof later. She takes off my boxer briefs. We explore each other as if we haven’t a dozen times already. She looks at me like it’s the first time. I want this forever, for the rest of my life, and it both scares the shit out of me and feels like the best decision I’ve ever made.
I run a finger through her wetness and rub it on her clit. I know exactly how she likes it. Slow circles at first, then quicker, harder, until she fists the sheets, moaning. I’ve made a lot of women come in a lot of different ways. None of them compares to the way I feel when she shouts my name. I’m fucking Hercules.
She rolls me over and straddles me, sinking onto me. This is new for us. I didn’t know it could get any better. Apparently I was wrong. I sit up and lean against the headboard. I want to watch her face when I’m inside her. She undulates on top of me, working herself in sweet delicious circles, driving me to the brink of ecstasy. I grab her hips, palm her breasts, grip the nape of her neck, run my hands down her back, and squeeze her small ass.
She watches every emotion on my face, absorbing every sweet word I whisper to her. I’m wrapped in her, physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m fucking done. Put a goddamn fork in me. I’m head over heels for this girl. I come gloriously, and she smiles at me, proud of her ability to bring me to my knees.
I lie down and she settles beside me. “Did you really mean what you said yesterday about me helping train horses? Do you think I could ever do something like that?”
A laugh percolates from my belly. “You just gave me the best sex of my life, and you want to talk about horses?”
She blushes.
“I meant it. I’ve seen the way you are with them. You might be new to horses, but you seem to have a connection with them.” I chuckle. “Guess it’s not just me.”
“So it’s okay if I talk to Mickey about watching him and learning? He wouldn’t have to pay me, obviously. I want to learn everything I can about horses so maybe one day I could, I don’t know, do what he does.” She sits up. “It’s probably a stupid dream.”
“There aren’t any stupid dreams, Devyn. Talk to him. I’m sure he’ll be happy to show you the ropes.”
“So, best sex ever, huh?”
“Every time with you is the best.”
She snuggles under my arm and lays her head on my chest. “Every time with you is the best, except I have nothing to compare it to.”
I tense. “Say again?” When she’s silent, I force her to look at me. “Are you saying you were a virgin?”
“You couldn’t tell?”
I try to wrap my mind around it. I’m speechless. How is that possible? She said she’d never had a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ve slept with dozens of girls, but none of them have been my girlfriend. “Are you serious?”
“I thought for sure you knew. I was so nervous.”
I tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear. “You’ve been incredible. I wasn’t lying when I said this has been the best ever.”
She giggles. “I’ll try not to get a big head.”
“All this time, I was sure you were running from an ex. Someone who abused you, maybe.”
She picks up her shirt and puts it on, then searches the floor for her panties. When she can’t find them, she gets a fresh pair from her drawer. She sits on the chair in front of the sewing machine. “Are you disappointed I’m not?”
I look at her like she’s crazy. “Am I mad you weren’t raped or abused? No, Devyn, I’m relieved. And you can believe I’m honored as shit to have been your first. But I don’t get what you’re hiding from.”
Her gaze falls to the floor. “This again? We’re never going to get past it, are we?”
“We are. I just want to know you. All of you. I swear, whatever it is won’t change how I feel.”
I can almost see her withdrawing, slipping away. She’s practically got one foot out the door. Whatever happened to her is even worse than I imagined, but I’m not going to let it ruin us. I jump off the bed and pull her into my arms. “Tell me, don’t tell me. I don’t care. I don’t want to lose this.”
She relaxes against me. “I don’t want to lose this either. But nothing lasts forever, Aaron. Nothing.”
The way she says it… It’s so distinct. So final.
She’s wrong. This, what we have, can last. Look at my parents. My aunts and uncles. I’m even more sure than before. I love her, and she loves me. But her past surrounds her like a damn brick wall. I only hope I can break through it before it swallows her whole.
Chapter Twenty
Devyn
The last few weeks have been the best of my life. Being with Aaron is my escape. It’s like I’m two different people, living very different lives. The one when I’m with him, where I’m happy housekeeper Devyn Dunlop. The other when I’m former inmate #2356489.
If the two ever converge, my life will implode. It came close when Delta showed up at Home Depot.
Lora comes out of the office. I’m folding dish towels and stuffing them into a drawer. She watches me a lot. She doesn’t think I know that. I feel bad for her; she obviously likes Aaron. I wonder if she’s had a thing for him since the day she started working here almost a year ago. She’s probably not happy that as soon as I showed up, her boss, the former playboy of East Texas, was seemingly off the market.