13
I choke on my donut. Coughing, I take the water he hands me and manage a few sips, waving my hand to indicate he should continue. Lachesis was right. There's more of a story to what's going on and Kassam (and okay, me) has been too distracted by hedonism to pay attention. "What do you mean, you were trapped? What happened?"
The look he gives me is boyishly sheepish. "A goddess wanted to marry me. I refused her. She did not take to it kindly."
Did I think my donut was dry before? It's sawdust in my mouth now. "Goddess…?" Here I'd asked him to marry me to protect me and he's been turning down goddesses? That's…not going to go over well. "Who is she?"
"The fair Riekki," Kassam says dramatically, scooping up one of the cats and cuddling it against his chest. "The Peacekeeper. The Knowledge-Bringer." He leans toward me, conspiratorial. "Bit of a bore." He nuzzles the cat, who eats up the attention. "We were lovers at the dawn of time, but she became very possessive and I decided I did not wish to join to her. Or be in her presence at all, really. Riekki did not take that well." He strokes the cat's triangular ears. "Thus began a thousand years of Riekki trying to pull me to her side. She tried whatever she could to entrap me, and her priests attacked my worshipers regularly. She hunted my conmac, my forest lords."
I frown. "I thought you said she was the Peacekeeper? That doesn't sound peaceful to me."
"And thus you see the problem with Riekki," Kassam agrees. "It is all peaceful as long as it is done her way. Her priests feel it is their duty to convert others to their ways. Only then, can peace be acquired."
"That's fucked." I pull out another donut. I have no idea why I'm starving so badly, but these donuts are the best things I've ever tasted and I can't stop eating them, even when one of the cats licks some of the glaze. "So she's crazy."
"She is focused," he amends. "Riekki is a very determined goddess. And because she is the keeper of knowledge, she believes that only she has the answers and we all should listen to her, regardless of how we feel."
A narcissist. Not ideal to have one of those as a goddess. Between her and easily distracted Kassam, I'm starting to see why the High Father is cleaning house over there. It sounds like a damned mess. "So you turned her down and she imprisoned you?"
"No, I turned her down and Riekki sent her priests to destroy my forests and my faithful. She thought she could control the wild, which, by its very nature, cannot be tamed. And when that did not work, she vowed a full-scale war against me and mine. Before she could do it, however, the Anticipation happened."
"The clean-up," I say, biting down on my donut. I wonder if these things have crack in them. They're seriously so good. I can't stop eating. I'm ravenous. "The big guy sent all the little guys down to the mortal world to shape up."
Kassam nods. "We were split into our four greatest flaws—hedonism, arrogance, lies, and apathy. There are more flaws, of course, but those are the most deadly for a god. It is a punishment that is handed down time and time again, to purge us of the worst of our sins. The four Aspects are bound to the mortal plane until there is only one remaining. That Aspect—be it Hedonism, Lies, or whatever—is allowed to continue on as he is. The High Father does not value perfection, after all. Everyone must be flawed to grasp mortal concepts, because mortals are the most flawed of all."
I squint at him when he chuckles, as if this observation is vastly amusing.
"In the last Anticipation, I had just dispatched Lies. I was the last Aspect left, and set to return to my home, the Great Endless Forest. Instead of talking to me, my anchor, my very bond with humanity, betrayed me. He was in league with Riekki's wizards, and shoved an enchanted blade into my gut. With that, she broke the tether I had binding me to my anchor. He was free and I was…well, dead. Except the gods are not supposed to die in the Anticipation. Perhaps Riekki figured if she could not have me, no one could. I floated in the Abyss, the plane between the mortal realm and the divine aether, for I do not know how long. I was vaguely aware of my body. Of the sword nestled in my gut, here." He puts a fist to his chest, below his heart. "I was neither alive nor dead, divine nor mortal. I could not be killed, but because of the enchanted sword gutting me, I could not free myself, either. So I laid there and bled. And bled."
The donut in my mouth tastes like ash. I set it down in the box, horrified at what I'm hearing. "No one came after you?"
"No one," Kassam says with a faint smile. "It made me angry for a time, but then I realized…I had angered the goddess of knowledge. It would be a small thing for her to obscure my location. It would be an even smaller thing for her to spread the word that I am lost. That I have never returned from the Anticipation, and that there is no point in looking for me. So I remained where I was." He strokes the cat in his arms intently, as if his entire focus is suddenly on that small feline. "I remained there as the seasons changed, and so did humans. I bled and bled as armies rose and fell, the gods returned, fell once more, returned again. I remained where I was as cities crumbled into the ocean and were forgotten, just like me. I started to think I would be lost for all time. That no one would ever remember who Kassam of the Wild was."
My heart breaks for him. He tries to keep his tone light, but I can hear the pain in it. I can't imagine how horrible it was for him to be stranded like that, never mind the pain. He must have felt so alone. I reach out and touch his hand, and I don't even mind when it sends a ripple of pleasure racing through me. If it gives him pleasure, too, I want that. "Okay," I say softly. "So your dick of an anchor betrayed you and Riekki's a selfish ass. I think I'm up to speed now. None of the other gods tried?"
"If they did, Riekki likely obscured my location or the fact that it was me in the Blood Glacier, that it was my blood pooling in the desolate mountains of the east." He shakes his head, his gaze drifting off, and I can tell I've hit a nerve. He's wondering why no one else came after him, too. They're supposed to be gods, but no one gave a shit when he just up and disappeared for a thousand years.
I can't imagine. I just…can't.
I rub my thumb against his hand, squeezing his fingers. He seems to need to be touched, and when he clings to my hand, I decide I can do more. I pull the cat out of his grasp, setting it down at the foot of the bed, and then push the others aside. I lie down and indicate he should join me at my side. Instead, he rolls me onto my back and presses his cheek to my breasts, resting his head on top of me. His arms go around me tightly, and I feel so, so terrible for bringing it up. It's clear that his time spent trapped for so long that his blood made a fucking glacier has traumatized him. I pull his long, tangled hair free from the knot atop his head and run my fingers through it as he holds me tightly. "Okay, so everyone you know is a dick." When that elicits a chuckle, I feel a little better. "How did you get free?"
"There is another Anticipation going on even now," Kassam murmurs against my chest. "The god of death and his anchor found me. They pulled the sword from my guts, and the moment it was free, I felt the thread that bound me snap free. The world went black. I woke up, and you were standing over me."