But I lie there, and lie there, and sleep, which has always been easy to come by, eludes me. Hours pass and I lie in the bed, silent and still, waiting. I close my eyes again—
—and when I open them, I'm no longer in our rooms at the palace. I stare up at open sky, an aurora rippling through it. The stars dance and move in front of my disbelieving gaze, like fireflies moving through a forest. Startled, I sit up and realize I'm no longer in a bed, either. I'm naked and there's no ground beneath my feet, nothing but more stars. I reach a hand out in front of me, trying to touch the green, shimmering aurora, only to have it snake away again. "Kassam?" I call. "Are you here?"
"Are you one of the Faithful?" a strange, low voice asks. It's not Kassam's voice. This one is low and smoky and urgent, without a hint of the laughter that seems to permeate Kassam's personality. The voice is also rich with power, reverberating through my surroundings.
I look around, but I don't see a face or a form to put with that voice. There's nothing but darkness and stars. "Hello? Who's there?"
A figure strides out of the shadows, with dark hair and piercing green eyes, and features that seem too large for his strange face. He's tall and ominous looking, dressed all in black and a scar going up one side of his face. He gazes at me as if he's trying to figure me out, circling around me, and even though I'm naked, I don't feel objectified. If anything, I feel oddly disconnected.
"Are you one of Kassam's faithful?" he prompts again. "Your soul is trapped, mortal. I am intervening and I must know where to send you."
Oh. This must be the god of death, the one that's returned to his home. He knows I'm some weird quasi-zombie and he's come to fetch me. "I don't know if I'm his faithful? I'm actually his wife…"
"Wife?" That makes Death stop his circling around me. He studies me closely, peering at my face. "You are not from our world, are you? You are from the other web, like my Max."
"Who's Max?"
He brushes aside my question as if it's unimportant. "You are from another world?" he prompts again. "Do you serve here?"
"I'm Kassam's anchor, if that's what you're asking." I touch the skin between my breasts. Even here, in this dreamscape, the stitches are still there. Damn it. "Are you taking me from him?"
"If you like." He tilts his head, gazing down a too-long nose at me. "How is Kassam? Is he returning?"
"Sort of?" I launch into a quick run-down of what we're doing, the army we've gathered, Seth joining us in this world, all so we can head after Riekki and take her down for what she did to Kassam. He asks more questions about how we traveled over from the other world, which is when I bring up Lachesis and her comment about not pulling my thread.
The god of death nods, as if this makes sense. "The dead drift into my realm when they pass, like stones sinking to the bottom of a pond. You, however, have not. I can feel it at the edge of my senses." His hand drifts up to his thick, tumbled black hair. "You are caught in the mortal realm."
"So what do we do? How do we fix that?"
Death rubs his chin. "Kassam is a friend. I can approach the Fates and ask them to tug your thread back into your realm. If I do it now, though, you will die immediately." He gestures at the stitches between my breasts, and I scratch at them absently. "So that will not do. Instead, I can ask them to tug your thread earlier, separating you from Kassam before you ever cross over into this world."
"Before? What happens to Kassam? His army?"
Those green eyes focus on me. "Does it matter?"
"It matters to me."
He shrugs, the movement seeming to ripple the darkness around him. "Kassam will return to his rightful place amongst the gods. He will cross over without an anchor, and return to his immortal life. You will return to your mortal one and recall nothing of meeting him."
Oh. The thought makes me ache. No Kassam…at all? "Will he remember me?"
Death nods.
"And what about Riekki? Will he be able to go after her?"
The smile he gives me is faint. "Not unless he wishes to risk the High Father's wrath. When we are amongst the mortals, we are expected to participate in their petty squabbles and wars. When we are in the higher realms, we are expected to be better. He will be forced to put aside his quest and hope that the High Father will somehow punish her."
"And do you think that's going to happen?"
"He spent a thousand years inside that glacier, mortal. You tell me."
I flinch. Of course it's not going to happen. If the gods turned a blind eye for a thousand years to the fact that Kassam was missing, they're not going to do squat when it comes to punishing Riekki. Kassam only has one chance for vengeance, and it's if he gets it before he returns to being a god. I can go home, but if I go home, I screw over all of Kassam's plans and a revenge he's probably waited a thousand years for. "I can't go right now," I confess to the death god. "Kassam needs me. He needs to take out Riekki or she could do this again."
The thought's a terrifying one, and something that I just realized. There's no guarantee of Kassam's safety if I turn my back. Riekki sidelined him before, what's to stop her from doing so again? The moment she returns to her full goddess-hood, what's to stop the evil bitch from sending him right back to that glacier and hiding the information for another thousand years once more?
I can't let that happen. I can't.
"Mortal, you do not understand. If you do not go back now, I cannot send you back later." He gives me a look that practically screams “you're being stupid.” "I do not normally see the threads of the dying as they are culled from the webs, but I can see yours. It is pulled taut, with so many forces pulling on it from all sides. Soon it will start to fray, and if it snaps, there is no returning you. Do you understand?"
I swallow hard. "I get it." If I don't go now, I don't go ever. I have to choose between Kassam and my own security. There's no guarantee that the Fates will help me, either. We could get to the end of this and they could decide that I need to stay dead. Or this could go on for years and years, and what happens to me then? Do I stay trapped inside my body? Do I rot? Shuddering at the thought, I try to weigh both sides equally…but I can't.
I can't abandon Kassam. Carly, the great un-finisher, is finally going to finish something. God, my mother would be proud.
I choke on a sob. My mother. I don't know if I'll ever see her again. More than anything, I want to hug her in this moment, more than anything. I want to tell her that I love her and that she's amazing and my best friend. I want to tell her that she's strong, and smart, and beautiful, and my father was a liar. That she deserved better. But Ma is strong and can handle herself.
Kassam needs me. "I have to stay."
"You realize—"
"I know," I say softly. "I know what it means. But Kassam needs this, and he needs me. I can't abandon him to save myself. Not when it could destroy him all over again." I manage a smile. "So I'm staying."
He gives me a thoughtful look, his strong features somber. Finally, he nods. "It is a brave choice. A foolish one, perhaps, but I am glad for Kassam that he has such a friend at his side." The death god studies me for a moment longer. "If you do end up in my realm, know that there will be a place for you. My anchor—my Max—would see you are taken care of." Warmth edges into his deep, unearthly voice. "You need not fear death. It will be kind to you."